Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Handjobs From a Goddess

I mentioned in a previous post that if I was a guy, I would have a huge dick. Following this line of thinking, I’ve decided that if I indeed had a dick, I think I would want to get a hand job from Kali, the Indian goddess. Think about it, she has four arms AND hands on each side of her. To me, that equals four times the hand job goodness. Granted, she has a necklace of human skulls, which would probably be a turnoff, but I think every guy knows that if you close your eyes, whoever is giving you that sweet handy-J just fades away, and it can be ANYONE working your member.
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

With her sword that signifies divine knowledge, I think she would know EXACTLY how to please me. And because she “guides” her followers, she could make me have a helluva money shot to hit the ceiling, getting it closer to the heavens. If she couldn’t get the job done, then her jackals and snakes that accompany her probably could.

Even hotter than snorting curry, is how she dances after destroying demons in battle. I bet than tandoori ass would give a great lap dance and even without the flute music could make my snake come out of the basket.

85 comments:

Just Sayin' said...

Four times the handjob goodness!

I think I'm going to convert to Hindi...

Mike said...

Wow, she's got nice tits. That's the kind of God I could remember to pray to every night.

TED VELVET said...

shiva H Vishnu, 4 hands are not always better. there are some women out there that aren't so good with the hand job. women always complain that men don't know what they're doing around the female fun button, but believe me, some chicks pull on the dick like they're pulling a piece off of Mr. potato head. one girl almost started a fire she was like a robo, corn shucker. I was gonna just get up and leave but I decided to let her finish so I could give her a nice spider eye. surprisingly, she didn't appreciate the flying gloo in her eye and hair so I told her, next time don't treat my cock like she's trying to earn her eagle scout merit badge. ahhh, memories.

Phoebe Fay said...

I'd be a little worried about having my head chopped off while I was trying to enjoy a post-orgasmic nap.

C.Rag said...

Hand jobs remind me of the time I was offered to be an “appointment setter”. This was back in college & CockMaster & a few friends of ours were at our favorite dive bar one night. This chick who lived near us. I had seen her at the dog park a couple of times. She came up to me & started whispering in my ear. The chick starts talking to me about what great money she makes as an “appointment setter”. She assured me that the pay stub looks legit & my boyfriend (he was my husband) wouldn’t suspect what the real work actually entails. She goes on to say she gives full body massages naked with a happy ending of the clients’ choice. She was selling this really hard. I was drunk by this point so I was interested. She slips me her number saying that her boss/pimp really wanted a hot redhead. By this point CockMaster is suspicious so he pulls me over to his lap & the conversation ends abruptly. The next morning I told him what happened & showed him the number. He said, “HELL NO! And think about all the hand cramps you’ll get & the mouth cramps! NO matter how much it is!”
I could have taken it if I had four hands.
The next weekend we were at the same bar & that chick had changed her hair color to red.

Just Sayin' said...

By the way...

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You very possibly could be the coolest person on the face of the planet!

I'm just sayin'...

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Just Sayin: agreed. if i was going to be any religion, hinduism doesnt seem half bad.

Mike: i know, right?!

Ted: "robo cornshucker" handjobs. that's hillarious. i'm surprised more people haven't encountered that here in the midwest.

Pheobe: who said you were going to hang around for post-handy j cuddling?

c.rag: that's a fanfuckingtastic story. you get my M.F.G.S award (motherfucking gold star) for awesometacular comment.

Just sayin: thanks. i get that a lot.

Sara Sue said...

4 hands, even from a chick's point of view, would be awesome!

Malach the Merciless said...

I did Kali once, wasn't too impressed

Malach the Merciless said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Preposterous Ponderings said...

For some odd reason I am now fantasizing about an octopus...

Colonel Colonel said...

ok- here's the thing. Great story by you, and by c.rag, as usual, but your forward-thinking about Kali and everything else is totally female. Men do not give this much thought to it AT ALL- we just stick it where it goes. Kali, Satan, wherever. It fits, we stick it. We're really, really, simple that way. Like single-cell amoebas. God only knows how we survived this long...

Sirdar said...

I don't care that much for hand jobs. I prefer much more pleasurable actions that allow both partners to enjoy the moment. Of course being married for 20 years might have something to do with it....

Cash said...

What's a hand job?

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Cash said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
moooooog35 said...

Hey...I think I dated that girl in college.

AngryMan said...

What about that eye on her hand? If your spooge is misdirected, she could end up with a really, really nasty infection.

Baba Doodlius said...

Um, she's carrying a sword and a dagger - I don't want her anywhere *near* ol' winkie. Doesn't anybody remember Lorena Bobbitt?

nursemyra said...

I love giving hand jobs though I prefer they end with a pearl necklace rather than a "spider eye"

(hadn't heard that term before. maybe I lead a sheltered life)

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