Yesterday was officially bad times. It went better than the last wisdom tooth I had pulled; it was around Christmas time, and the dentists office had Jolly Jesus music piped in, which was almost worse that having Dr. Dan wrenching out a tooth that had “exceptionally long roots”.
Anyway, I don’t get why anyone would want to be in a profession where everyone dreads coming to see them. It rivals (if not surpasses) IRS agents… I’m thinking the only reason he is so cheerful, is because he’s hitting that medical grade nitrous. And on the subject of nitrous oxide, I didn’t find anything to laugh about. Maybe he gave me less because I came in reeking of bourbon, but when he had the pliers and other god-awful tools in my mouth digging around, laughter was the last thing on my mind.
On a not so positive note, I have another one that needs to come out on the other side, but he said he wanted to wait a little while because he wants this one to have a chance to heal, which happens quicker when there is one side to chew on. I think he just wanted me to be able to give a blowjob if I needed/wanted to. Dr. Dan warned against dry sockets, and I told him that if he just packed it with percocet, we could avoid that predicament altogether. I got a resounding “no” on that request.
Not even Magnum PI could comfort me last night. I know I’m in a bad place when I forgo mixers and drink straight out of the bottle (classy, I know). Rum and blood taste pretty gross together. Although, I think the straight alcohol will ensure I don’t get an infection.
Showing posts with label magnum pi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label magnum pi. Show all posts
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Monday, October 1, 2007
Impatient for the Rapture
I’ve been hearing quite a bit about the rapture lately. On TV in the middle of the night when I am drunk and surfing for scramble porn to watch “for a challenge”, on bumper stickers (but always on shitty cars, WTF?), church signs to advertise their coming sermon, the crazy hobo outside of the Uptown Mcdonalds (that guy is legitimately hillfuckinlarious, with his signs and chanting at the sky!)… I kind of understand how the Christians must feel, impatient. I know I am impatient. My car and living arrangements are decent and suitable, but frankly when I hear about how much loot these televangelists are making and see the awesome shit they own, I get all antsy and excited for the rapture concept because I would certainly not mind trading up in the area of worldly posessions.
Hell, if I believed in god, I would probably be praying to him, asking him to hurry the fuck up (Pope, can you help me with getting the message to the big man?), because I am ready to get on with the show, and get to raiding the raptured people’s stuff. Perhaps it’s just my “Florida Hurricane Mentality” that translates into looting through people who have vacated the area’s property, but hey, I am a pragmatist.
If anyone knows any religious zealots that continue to ‘cry wolf’ and say that the rapture will happen on a certain date, tell them to STFU, because they keep getting my hopes up. I want it to be like my 16th birthday party… I knew it was coming, but the exact date of the party itself was a surprise!
Other benefits to the rapture: traffic will be better, thus the saved time on my commute can be spent sleeping. Those beautiful old churches with picturesque architecture can be turned into something worthwhile, like a library or a casino (not to mention, no church bells making my Saturday or Sunday morning hangover worse). No more dry counties or states because their aren’t Christers to complain how booze keeps people from going to church (riiiiiiiiight, that’s what it is) AND the bars will be open on Christmas!!! Strippers and hookers can sell their flesh in peace (or is it piece?), without holier-than-thou types standing in their way. The religious stations can be freed up for more Magnum P.I. reruns (can't have too much of that). I could buy my dirty gangsta' rap at walmart and target without worrying it would be edited. Perhaps after the rapture we can stop killing Muslims with such military precision.
Hell, if I believed in god, I would probably be praying to him, asking him to hurry the fuck up (Pope, can you help me with getting the message to the big man?), because I am ready to get on with the show, and get to raiding the raptured people’s stuff. Perhaps it’s just my “Florida Hurricane Mentality” that translates into looting through people who have vacated the area’s property, but hey, I am a pragmatist.
If anyone knows any religious zealots that continue to ‘cry wolf’ and say that the rapture will happen on a certain date, tell them to STFU, because they keep getting my hopes up. I want it to be like my 16th birthday party… I knew it was coming, but the exact date of the party itself was a surprise!
Other benefits to the rapture: traffic will be better, thus the saved time on my commute can be spent sleeping. Those beautiful old churches with picturesque architecture can be turned into something worthwhile, like a library or a casino (not to mention, no church bells making my Saturday or Sunday morning hangover worse). No more dry counties or states because their aren’t Christers to complain how booze keeps people from going to church (riiiiiiiiight, that’s what it is) AND the bars will be open on Christmas!!! Strippers and hookers can sell their flesh in peace (or is it piece?), without holier-than-thou types standing in their way. The religious stations can be freed up for more Magnum P.I. reruns (can't have too much of that). I could buy my dirty gangsta' rap at walmart and target without worrying it would be edited. Perhaps after the rapture we can stop killing Muslims with such military precision.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
