Friday, August 8, 2008

Putting the "ASS" in "GLASS"

It’s been a hectic and taxing week. Tues was memorial happy hour; I think the gays are the only group of people that can possibly make redheaded sluts seem like a respectful shot to take. I remember driving home, and having the most irrational thought that if I got a DUI and missed my friend’s wake the next day, he would be pissed. Fortunately that didn’t happen, and we said goodbye to Bill. Fun fact, his family told me that while looking on his camera, one of the last pictures he took was of me “sleeping”. Hehe, I have the sneaking suspicion I might have been passed out on his couch.

Anyway, I figure I might as well catch up and get to last weekend’s recap. Friday was the art fair, which was conveniently located a few blocks away from my house. Saturday I went to Valley Fair, which compared to Busch Gardens and 6 flags, sucked. But, when you think about the relative awesomeness (lets be honest, Minnesota isn’t exactly over run with theme parks and roller coasters), it wasn’t too terrible. Oh, beware folks; if you see a guy that looks like one of the bearded dudes from ZZ Top, be careful. As soon as we saw him, The Renegade broke. I’m positive there was a correlation.

I was supposed to see Nine Inch Nails on sat. night, but Trent Reznor was sick (or just being a pussy), so that was rescheduled, and instead I went out with LuckyPants and Landon. Granted, I get drunk and wild, but this chick brings it to a whole different level. It was both impressive and scary. Like, after a night of drinking, we wake up to my kitchen table flipped on it’s side, her without pants, and when we did find the pants they were wet and had glass and flowers inside (which had formerly been on my table). It’s been almost a week later, and we still aren’t sure what the hell happened.

She woke up on Sunday and started hitting some Jim Beam. I had a better idea, so we got on my roof with some orange juice, vodka, and peach schnapps. As the afternoon wore on, she started screaming at people walking by to the art fair. Keeping in mind Landon and I have been known to yell shit off the roof, we live there, so we keep it somewhat classy. Luckypants is yelling to women’s boyfriends, telling them to show her their dick, calling people fat asses, and randomly complimenting people on their accessories. Once bottles started falling off the roof, I knew it was time to go back inside.

11 comments:

B.E. Earl said...

Orange juice, vodka and peach schnapps a better idea than Jim Beam?

Not in my neck of the woods.

Just Sayin' said...

Trent Reznor is a douchebag art fag! It's just as well that they cancelled the show...

On another note... You know things are getting wild when you become the voice of reason! LMAO

Jay said...

That chick sounds like a really classy broad. hahaha

Actually she sounds pretty entertaining.

Sorry to hear about your friend. Condolences to his family.

moooooog35 said...

Glad to hear you made it through your friend's thing okay.

On another note, is that chick available for rental? I've got an empty cube next to me and it sounds like she'd be a great addition to the office.

Malach the Merciless said...

Head like a hole, black as your soul . .

Malach the Merciless said...

I'd rather die, than give you control

Slyde said...

man, i'd love to see NIN one of these days..

Tequila Mockingbird said...

just sayin: you fail as a human being. trent was one of the founding fathers of his genre of music. you should appreciate him for that if nothing else.

slyde: show not cancelled. rescheduled for nov 25th. i'm pissed.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Sorry for the loss of your friend. It's nice to celebrate his life with friends and loved ones and I'm sure wherever he is he's laughing his ass off over whatever transpired that caused a woman to de-pants herself, flip a table and insert contents of table in said pants.

Just Sayin' said...

Please... Trent Reznor? Founding father of what... Industrial? He didn't found it he fucking commercialized it... He fucking killed it! He made it vanilla and shoved down the throats of the masses! He made it fucking top 40 for christ sake!

You want the founding fathers of industrial... try Cabaret Voltaire, Skinny Puppy, or Ministry

I fail? Fuck that... Trent Reznor fails, and I'm sorry to say this but you fail if you honestly think he founded anything... Well anything other than his own fucking bank account.

katie said...

ok- well, i gotta weekend drunk story for ya T-Bird. I got hammered beyond belief at my sis-in-law's wedding this past weekend and i ended up splitting my chin open!! good times, good memories!! what the hell is petrone anyways?

Hope u had a marvelous monday, my dear!