Monday, November 24, 2008

Tell me your dreams...

So I randomly got a text from my roommate this morning while at work. I'll definitely say it broke up the day.

Him: "last nite i had a crazy series of dreams. it involved kid rock trying to touch my dick, zorro, nazi's running people over with trains, silver, electrocution and man getting smashed by a tree"

How does one even respond to that?

Me: "did you beat kid rocks scumbucket ass?"

Anyway, that's all I have. It's fucking cold here. Like, when I consider driving to a bar when I can see one across the street, it's COLD. Maybe I'll borrow his ski mask.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

More like Strawberry Tallcake

I’ve been absolutely horrid about updating this thing, but it’s certainly not for lack of good times! Halloween, I still managed to hit three parties (one of which Landon hosted at our house), despite recovering from a cold I picked up while in Florida the week before. I didn’t stay at the party at my house for very long, and eventually Timmy’s party started to die down, so we took the entire thing to Kremlin.

They welcomed us with open arms, possibly because I came bearing a Tupperware full of jello shots, and a jug of punch leftover from Timmy’s. There was a keg of hard cider, sushi, and a snake present. All the makings for a fabulous party; just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, a multi- leg amputee showed up. He happened to be wearing the same costume (sort of ) as Spam… Welcome Matt! Turns out this dude likes being walked on by cute girls in heels. Of course I HAD to participate in those hijinks. This guy thanked me profusely, and was quite polite. Made me want to consider trying to find a dominatrix to apprentice for as a side gig, but I figure I should probably stay away from the sex worker industry if possible.

My costume, sweet Strawberry Shortcake, was not only enough to get some leers at the grocery store when I wore it in there, but it got two guys to offer to drive me and like 8 other people back to Timmy’s. Now that’s a quality accomplishment!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Goose Stepping Overlords and Fembots

So who’s ready for socialism with a side of fascism? Take a peak at a convo I had today with a friend, as I don’t feel could possibly better sum up my feelings:
(9:06:38 AM) J W: OBAMA2K8!
(9:16:49 AM) ME: I KNOW I AM!!!
(9:17:03 AM) J W: McCain=Facism
(9:17:08 AM) J W: Obama=Socialism
(9:17:17 AM) J W: I for one look forward to our goose stepping overlords
(9:20:01 AM) ME: i agree wholly
(9:20:10 AM) ME: i hope it becomes a combo
(9:20:15 AM) me: with robot task masters
(9:20:24 AM) J W: Fembots?
(9:20:41 AM) ME hopefully
(9:20:46 AM) ME: i like my robots with boobies
(9:20:57 AM) J W: big lucious tits with strapons?
(9:21:04 AM) Me: absolutely
(9:21:11 AM) Me: to penetrate us with their political prowess
(9:21:17 AM) ME: hows taht for alliteration?
(9:22:07 AM) J W: I'm excited
(9:22:34 AM) ME: i figured
(9:23:10 AM) J W: why so bitter
(9:23:23 AM) ME: me?
(9:23:26 AM) ME: naw, it's just politics
(9:23:36 AM) ME: i'll vote for who i wish, but i think both are figureheads
(9:24:12 AM) J W: both are vile
(9:24:22 AM) ME: exactly
(9:24:44 AM) Me: it's like being forced to pick between a masturbation session with a potato peeler and a battery acid douche
(9:25:33 AM) J W: with a side of sodomy
(9:28:01 AM) ME: indeed

Monday, November 3, 2008

Zombie Pub Crawl!!!!

Before I get into this past weekends outrageous Halloween celebration, I’ve got to back up to tell about the explosion of awesome that was the zombie pub crawl. They’ve had this for a few years now, but this is the first one I’ve done. We did all of the make-upping and costuming at my house, since it wasn’t far away from where it started. A big thanks to Ben, who with his theatre experience helped get everyone looking zombie-riffic. Thanks also to Spam, who made our bucket of fake blood (corn syrup, chocolate syrup, and red food coloring); eventually we had a big fight with it outside. I feel a little bad for the cabbies who took us to the beginning of the pub crawl route and had their cabs defiled by our fake blood. Good thing we tip well!

We had a blast yelling out the cab windows “BRAAAAINZZZZzzz” on the way there, and an even better time leaning over the hoods of other cars screaming the same thing while going bar to bar. Some of the coolest zombies I saw was a Sarah Palin zombie at taco bell (that was right before I induced vomiting), a whole flight crew of zombies, and some SS officer zombies who people were getting for real pissed off at (seriously? come on.. it’s a zombie pub crawl and these dudes were definitely not REAL SS officers… chill out). I’m glad I wasn’t a prom dress zombie there was way too many of those. Another thanks goes out to Tony, who took a shit ton of pics of us, but unfortunately cause he took them, we don’t have any of him… he made a bad ass zombie Kim Jong Il. Randomly, I had some strict zombiest who tried to tell me that my costume wasn’t valid because I was a zombie cat. FUCK YOU, EVER WATCHED PET CEMETARY?!?! Overall, it was a quality event (about 500 people dressed up and came out), and despite leaving my house covered in fake blood and zombie makeup… I cant wait for next year’s!