Tuesday, September 23, 2008

How much do you fit in YOUR weekend?

Two house parties, Renaissance festival again, and a concert… It made for the weekend equivalent of a clown car. Friday was a party in ghetto Minneapolis, but they had a keg of Harp, a slushie dispenser full of white russians and some greenish-blue Romulan Ale (it fuckin’ knocked me on my ass, and for a concoction to do that, it’s got to be both impressive and possibly slightly toxic).

Highlights include (but are not limited to): trying to have the patience to wait for them to stop singing Tim Malloys around the bottle of birthday mead so I could actually drink some, watching a super old guy try to operate a bong, having a former stripper/speedfreak bitch at me when I used the word faggot-- keep in mind, I actually BROUGHT a gay guy to the party and like the gays overall more than the straights usually.

We grabbed a cab back to my house, but by then it was bar close. Early Saturday Jason, Timmy, Spam and I hit Uptown Bar, which left us squinting into the daylight when we emerged, drunk as piss at 3 pm. After ragstock it was nap time to be ready for the house party that was conveniently down the street from me. This house was also equipped with a stripper pole. I’m not sure who’s idea it was to install one, but it was pure genius. Nothing turns regular, boring, awkward girls into whores-in-training quicker than a stripper pole.

At midnight it was officially Shyong’s birthday and we were forced to concede to his wishes of going to the Soho CafĂ© for drunken food. On the way there, a stir was caused when I finished my beer-for-the-road (hobgoblin, mmmmm! Try it if you haven’t), because I threw it on the sidewalk not AT anyone, but um a little too near people.

Sunday was Renaissance festival with Spam, James, Sami, Cheryl, Ben, and Timmy. James tried to hustle the jugglers there (he’s like elite with some pins), but they didn’t fall for his trap. One of the friends we had working there led us down a hobbit path for some mystical ye olde herbals. One of the downsides to fest isthe absolute disgust when some turn their fat side-boobs into cleavage with bustier; IT IS NOT THE SAME AS REAL CLEAVAGE!\

We managed to turn a family-friendly place into debauchery as usual with copious amounts of mead, cigars that lead to black phallic jokes, and trying to find Timmy some fairy wings so in case some people didn’t “get” he was gay, they’d know without a shadow of a doubt.

I wasn’t planning on going to see Lagwagon, but it was on the way home, Spam had tickets and SHIT, WHY NOT, ITS FUCKING LAGWAGON!!!! We left after the show, but Pope, Joe and Sarah ended up singing with the band at the gay bar next door. If that’s not a serious case of badassery, I don’t know what is.


13 comments:

C.Rag said...

"a slushie dispenser full of white russians "

DAMN!!!! CockMaster would have been in heaven.

Mike said...

Hey lady! Nice Tits!

No, i'm not talking about the side boob fat tits.

Side boob fat is gross.

I once knew a chick that had huge side boob so bad she walked with her arms way apart. So she encorporated this bad ass swagger like it was from muscle or something.

You know, the weightlifter walk.

But we knew, we knew.

Malach the Merciless said...

Yeah, I got two young kids, that part of my life is long gone

Tink said...

Slushie booze dispensers, pole dancing, chicks covered in gold... You're such a rock star.

moooooog35 said...

You must suck at pole dancing - I don't see a single dollar bill hanging from your pants.

Unless you take debit cards.

billymac said...

jesus... i didn't know you could get harp in kegs.

Slyde said...

they do a big rennesaince fair here in NY every september, and i always plan to go but never have...

i need a friend like you to go with me :)

lotus07 said...

I sat in my nice cleaned out garage and had bottle of merlot.....I am so freakin old!!!!!

The Doggy Did It said...

Have I mentioned that reading your blog makes me want to get fall down stinkin drunk? Yeah I thought so. After I have this baby, you need to come down to Texas and get me sloshed....although it may take me a few days to rebuild my tolerance.

AngryMan said...

Grind it, sexy!

katie said...

love your pics, my darling T-Bird! much love to ya, girl. :)

Creepy said...

Harp, nectar of the gods!

Blogger said...

I have just downloaded iStripper, so I can watch the hottest virtual strippers on my taskbar.