Thursday, January 1, 2009

Merry Xmas and a Happy Go Fuck Yourself


So I'm sure most of you are itching to know how the new job is going. It's definitely going well, despite getting lost in the skyway of my building the first day. I don't have all of the free time to dick around on the interwebs like I used to, but if it's a decision between doing that and having to work with incompetent wastes of flesh, big pass on my part.

In other news, I had a fanfuckingtastic holiday in Fl. It contained (but was not limited to) eating stone crab, missing my first flight because the cocksuckers at US airways misprinted the concourse number on my ticket (and subsequently finding out they don't serve liquor until 8 am in the state of Minnesota, which is retarded because I AM NOT FLYING THE PLANE, SO WHY CANT I BE INTOXICATED), Auntie Cougar got engaged (congrats!), dressing up my aunt's cats in santa hats and reindeer ears (they LOVED it), turning the leftover xmas fruit salad into a frozen rum-filled concoction, going to a party on Anna Maria island that had a tiki hut in the back yard, talking to my dad about the first time he touched fake tits, drinking manishewitz and vodka (it's my tip o the hat to the jews and my way of celebrating Hanukkah) and hmm I think that about covers it. All I can say was it was festive, and we really enjoyed each others' company and truly remembered the real spirit of Christmas--- that Santa died for our presents.
Timmy had an interesting holiday as well... he got arrested. I didn't have anything to do with it, he was in Wisconsin with his family, his brother PandaFrank encouraged him drink some exorbitant amount of booze, then took him to Hardees. What happened next is subject to dispute, but what CAN be agreed upon is he started talking shit to the manager and told him to "shut the fuck up", that he could do his job better, and HE WAS DRUNK... this didn't go over so well. They were told to leave, the cops were called, and everything wouldve been fine if he hadn't gone back for his food. I can't throw stones; I do love some curly fries. Anyway, fortunately it was just a fine. What happened to the good ol days of when you were a dick to fast food people and they just spit in your food?

10 comments:

Mike said...

I thought being a dick to fast food people was a sport. It sure as hell used to be.

Anyway, Happy Fucking New Year Ms. Bird!

Malach the Merciless said...

Who are those Peeps, Family, the look like you.

Jason Harx said...

You can screw off with your "8:00 is oh-so-hard to wait for when I need booze", we can't buy until 9:00, and noon on Sundays and holidays.

First time you wake up on jesus day with the worst hangover since undergrad and no beer left in the fridge you'll fully understand my pain.

moooooog35 said...

Santa's DEAD?!?!?

The Manic Street Preacher said...

24/7 booze here. Love it.

Happy New Year babe xx

Fallen Angel said...

Great times can be had in the sunshine state!

Scott said...

Glad to see your post, I was worried you might not live thru the holidays. I guess it's not easy to be found frozen in a snowbank in Florida.

Party in the garage! Hope your parents didn't catch you!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

malach: wellll they are my family, so go figure.

Scott: naw, i USUALLY party safely. and yes, party in the garage, and then there was a bonfire in the backyard, and then full bar in the house. and as for any parents catching me, daddy was there, as evidenced by pix

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