Sunday, May 31, 2009

Why I Hate my New BlackBerry Pearl

Now, my last flippy phone was pretty basic, and it didn't have a full keyboard, so I would multiple hit the keys to select the letter. However, I had gotten quite quick at this and was able to do it quickly and while doing almost any other task. When I got my new phone this week (along with my Florida number, WHEEEE! I FEEL LIKE A RESIDENT AGAIN! Now all I need to do is start selling oranges on the side of the road in a bikini and scamming the elderly!), I thought all of the fun bells and whistles and ability to stalk people on facebook from my phone would be cool. Not so much. It's a burden that is eating away at my soul, and this is why:
  • it's harder to text and drive, so I'm constantly running off the road and scaring tourists
  • it lights up like a goddamn christmas tree, so NO stealth texting at work under my desk now
  • it doesnt take pictures of female impersonators very clearly when they move fast (I missed some magical trannytastic moments at the cabaret show at L'Olivier in Ybor city friday; I blame the blackerry and not the martinis).
  • it's ambiguous as to whether it's plugged in and charging. See, I dont fucking need to have my phone go dead on me. If my car breaks down, I need to be able to use my phone before I get eaten by a gator, or my skin burns off from being out in the sun.
  • the text messages dont flow conversationally, so when trying to find a specific message, I'm forced to sort through the other bajillion text messages I've sent
  • it didnt recognize profanity or racial slurs for the first few days, which really cause my texting time to almost double
Your cell phone provider trying to get you to take a blackberry pearl? DONT FALL FOR THEIR DARK MAGIC! It's a trap, much like the trannys at cabaret... it looks like a good idea, but you'll just end up getting an unpleasent surprise.


Un[Censored] said...

I agree with you, completely. However once you get used to it, you will love it. I just went from a blackberry pearl to a samsung rugby and every week, I look at my blackberry and are tempted to go back to it. The whole stealth texting thing, I think you can turn the backlights off for the keypad...I think...

I had to fiddle around with it for a while before I got comfy with it.

Malach the Merciless said...

You just don't like it cause you can't drink it.

Anonymous said...

ha much like a penis you have to fiddle with it a bit before you can really enjoy it. or just shove it in your mouth you slut! muh ha ha ha ha!

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Hmmm... I can upgrade my phone next month so I will file this information away. Thanks for the tip!

lone scrote mcquade said...

As much as you've been remiss in your posting duties, I've been absolutely negligent in my lurking. So much so that I don't remember the password to my blogger account.

MN to FL is quite the change, and I'm glad you made it there intact. Let's keep it that way, shall we? No texting while driving, woman! That's an order. Cheers..

Jason Harx said...

Damn, I almost bought a Blackberry...

...good thing I checked here first!

The Preacherman said...

I have a brick.

I love my brick.

It's a Nokia some'at or other from about ten years ago.

Every time I get a free upgrade my daughter nicks it and seems to 'lose' the earlier one.

I think she sells 'em to her pals.

So I have a brick.

It's my brick though and I'm very fond of it.

When it works.

Fallen Angel said...

Ybor City, OMG! I didn't know the secret was out!

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Do you still hate the Blackberry Pearl?

Anonymous said...

Racial slurs? Yeah..that's important. I take that it doesn't correct your awful syntax, either. 'Cuz that's important, too

Todd said...

as with anything new, you must give it time. as for using a regular keypad to text? did you know that typing the word "HELLO" on a regular phonepad takes 13 button presses. The pearl....5 letters ...5 presses. It actually reduces the amount of keystrokes needed to spell the words. We use 3,000 word in our daily vocabulary and your Pearl has 30,000. I dont know if you are familiar with the Blackberry Curve with the full keypad? It was the #1 selling phone in North America. You can type 10-15 WPM faster on the suretype keyboard. I love the pearl. It's actually shaped like a PHONE. Try typing with one hand. Much easier with those nice wide buttons. Hopefully you havent given up on the Pearl.

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Kelly Brueggemann said...

I'm sorry about what happened to your Blackberry phone. I haven't switched to the BlackBerry Pearl but I know inconvenient it is, you know. :( As a Blackberry phone enthusiast, I would recommend the Curve over the Pearl.