Thursday, July 31, 2008

July's Douchebag Of The Month

I’ve been running a little behind lately. But just because I’m a little slower at getting to it, please don’t be confused and think that this award smells any less of the aroma of douchebaggery. This award because I waited so long, will be shared this month.

First and foremost, I need to bid a bitter farewell to Bennigan’s. I knew some of the staff there, and they undeniably had the best happy hour specials in the suburb I work. When I found out about their closing, I happened to have just been there the day before. I was like someone who had a friend die, but had seen them recently. My reaction: “WHAT, BENNEGINS CLOSED?! I JUST SAW ‘EM YESTERDAY… LOOKED FINE!!!!!” So, #1 douchebag of July goes to the assholes (Metromedia Restaurant Group) that filed for bankruptcy. Way to cowboy up and try to get through it. Oh wait, you actually took the coward’s way out.

The second part of this illustrious honor goes to Kid Rock. He has sodomized one of my favorite Lynyrd Skynrd songs. If the majority of the band was alive, I’ll am more than positive they would rain hot fury down upon his greasy, scumbucket ass, that would be akin to napalm on a Vietnamese village. Why doesn’t he take a shit atop Jim Morrison of the Door’s grave while he’s insulting iconic music legends? I mean, if he had even a moderate amount of talent (for music, not for railing bleach blonde hepatitis whores), it wouldn’t be so fucking offensive. Like when Stone Temple Pilots did “Dancing Days” by Led Zepplin, granted it wasn’t as good as the original, but at least it wasn’t insulting the taste of music listeners.
But you, Kid Rock, you have honed the craft of douchfulness, and it stabs at my eardrums with every note I listen to that you have spat forth... And it's for that that you get the heavy crown placed upon your do-rag adorned head.

19 comments:

C.Rag said...

Isn't Kid Rock the douchebag of every month?

RockDog said...

Kid Rock is on tour with Skynard...and they jam the tune with him on stage. It's tribute to their awesomeness and summer days of the past my little drunken friend.

R.I.P. to your Bennigans.

lotus07 said...

Never could figure him out.....'Kid' rock...this guy has to be in his 30s, pushing 40. He needs to learn that hippness is not enhanced with age, unless you are marketing toward the double-wide pickup truck truck, tractor pull set. Pam Anderson was smart enough to divorce him in less than a month. But then again, shewas dumb enough to marry him.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

c.rag: yes. absolutely. when ISNT he a dbag?

rockdog: ok, lets chat about skynyrd; first of all, the majority of the band is dead, so for him to be "on tour" with them, he would need a ouiji board. if it's like the one original dude from skynyrd, and then some other assholes, THAT'S NOT THE SAME FUCKING THING! finally, if he cant do a tribute to 'summer days of past' without using part of someone elses song, then perhaps he should learn the fine art of creativity and talent. but i am not holding my breath for that.

Mike said...

Why couldn't they close Applebee's. That place sucks. I loved Bennigans.

As for Kid Rock, he's definitely a Michigan favorite. We don't have much going for us these days and I guess Kid proves no exception to that rule.

I hate to admit it, but I do like this current song because of that whole reference to northern Michigan.

B.E. Earl said...

There is a lot more wrong with Kid Rock and that song than the "Sweet Home Alabama" homage.

It's a shitty song all right.

Malach the Merciless said...

I HATE STONE TEMPLE PEARL JAM!

Jay said...

I like Kid Rock's new song and think Jim Morrison sucked ass. LOL

But, that's just me. *shrugs shoulders*

Hate so see any place with a good happy hour go away though.

captain corky said...

I sure am going to miss Bennigans microwave baked brownies. Those things were awesome.

moooooog35 said...

Kid Rock gets a pass from me because he was able to bag Pam Anderson, Jaime Pressley, May Anderson...Hell...I'll even give him props for the Sheryl Crow thing because she's looking pretty hot these days.

Douchebag? Sure.

Douchebag nailing hotties? Absolutely.

Roland Hulme said...

Worse still, Kid Rock's song is Number 1 in Europe.

Which, admittadly, is like being the smartest kid in special ed, but YOU CATCH MY DRIFT.

Slyde said...

whew! Another month where i doged the bullet and didnt win the douchebag award!

Baba Doodlius said...

1) Bennigans? Can't you replace it with a Chili's or something like that?
2) Ah yes, Kid Rock - the unmistakable aroma of douchebaggery abounds with that guy. I hope he's not in the same "Rock" family tree branch as Chris.

Un[Censored] said...

Doh! I wanted to nominate Gretchen Wilson...no talent ass bag.
Alas, remind me next month, she gets my vote :)

Otherwise, I totally agree with the rest :)

Beach Bum said...

I agree with Uncensored, Gretchen sucks.

Colonel Colonel said...

What's the matter with Gretchen Wilson? I think she rocks.

katie said...

i am so so sorry for your loss, my dear T-Bird. what a great tribute u did for him. he seemed like an awesome guy.

much love to you and his family at this time. all my best, girl. :)

Elaine said...

I think Kid Rock is the mayor of douche town yes? May I nominate Mario Lopez for Douchebag of The Month? I believe he's the Governor of douche town.

Sara Sue said...

"honed the craft of douchfulness" LMFAOPMP!!