Monday, July 21, 2008

Ostriches, Camels, and a Fiesta

As much as I need to get to part III of my Florida hijinks, this weekend had some serious badassery that I must first address. Friday I went over to the gays, where we made homo punch (cherry limeade, sprite, lots o vodka, and maraschino cherries) that resulted in a quest for cherries later that night. I can honestly say it was the first time I ever went into a liquor store and did not buy any alcoholic beverages. Later, when the fount of homo punch ran dry, we busted into the cheap champagne, and even convinced the Jimmy John’s bicycle delivery guy to drink a glass quick.

Somehow we ended up at Brother’s, which is a club/bar, but more of a club than a bar. Not knowing I’d be going out, I was wearing a sublime shirt and jeans, which had me looking like a hippy. Timmy was rockin’ the 70’s porn start look, complete with chops and “my name is earl” mustache. When we were dancing I heard someone remark “OHhh shiiiitttt, HIPPY GIRL CAN DANCE!”

Saturday Leslie and Skoalface had their annual fiesta. They had a kickass party favor, a beaded necklace with a shot glass on it. Joep was sitting next to the keg and kept filling up his little cup. We played boozy-badminton, which required us to keep holding onto our margaritas AT ALL TIMES. Landon and I left early, and because his date was cut short (he showed up 25 min. late, with hickeys from Fri’s date, and already drunk), he came with me to Chammps to watch MMA affliction, but I was too drunk to try to get jello wrestling scheduled with the midget bartender.

Sunday #skark went to Canterbury, which in the epitome of awesomeness was hosting Ostrich and Camel races instead of just the usual horsies. Ostrich races were fail (they ended so quickly.. it was like the premature ejaculation of racing), but camel races made up for them. We had some side betting going on after we saw two different chicks wearing tacky sequin purses as to if we would see a third. Instead of just seeing a third, we saw two more. No accounting for taste I guess. I busted ass from a wet spot on the floor inside, but like a pro managed to keep my drink upright and not spill the entirety of it. I still wish we had been able to steal ostriches and race them down Hiawatha ave against the light rail.




24 comments:

dave said...

Camel? racing?

WTF did you take a side trip to Dubai?

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Heck from the title I expected to see a little camel toe at least :)

Tink said...

I seriously need to take a vacation in your world for awhile. Camel races?! Too freakin cool.

Ann said...

Sounds like fun! I think I need to hang out with you some weekend!

Mike said...

For some reason, whenever you mention the gays and their homo apparel and product, it cracks me up.

I don't know why.

Just to clarify, not in a bigoted way, ok? Don't send the gay community to straight bash me.

Ha!

Dana said...

No single person should have that much fun!

Mike said...

This may be the only post in the history of mankind that successfully combines homos, John Deere tractors, camel races, and my name is Earl mustaches.

The only thing missing is butt plugs.

Where are the butt plugs?

C.Rag said...

I was hoping there was some camel toe in this post.

B.E. Earl said...

Camels and ostriches (ostrichi) look evil to me.

I'm having bad dreams tonight. Thanks!

Malach the Merciless said...

Flordia, is that still part of the US? Or has it been annexed by Cuba?

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I'm man enough to admit that the Homo Punch sounds fabulous!

I want a glass.

captain corky said...

“OHhh shiiiitttt, HIPPY GIRL CAN DANCE!”

That's awesome. You might have to change the name of your blog to, Hippy Girl can Dance!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

malach: flordia? i dunno if ive ever been there... OH I GET IT, YOU ONLY READ THE FIRST LINE OR TWO OF MY POST AND THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT "FLORIDA"!!!!! oh ha HA! what an insightful and well spelled comment. WELL PLAYED!

Un[Censored] said...

Even though I'm a lesbian who refuses to carry a PURSE...I am still trying to figure out those tacky, sparkly thingeys...WHY, for the love of Jeebus, would you want one of those??!!

Same goes with this big purse fetish out here in SD (I don't know if this phenomenon is happening anywhere else, but if it is, god help you)?? I remember my grandmother carrying one of those!!!

Crys
http://thislesbianslyfe.blogspot.com

Slyde said...

i had a dream last night that one day i would come here and read a post about your weekend hyjinx that went like this:

"Stayed home, read a book, and went to bed early."

Ah, who the fuck am i kidding? THATS never gonna happen....

TED VELVET said...

bosom buds 4 eva watch yer mouth

lotus07 said...

Based on your past hijinks, I am amazed you didn't steal the ostriches.

katie said...

i love camels!

that dude timmy looks like the guy from N'Sync!

billymac said...

whoa whoa whoa... back up. how can you of all people miss an opportunity to jello wrestle a midget bartender?

Colonel Colonel said...

I'm amazed you didn't get the camels drunk.

Anonymous said...

I would like to file a complaint. Your blog gave me AIDS and I think your language is vulgar to say the least. I am calling my friend Stacy and we are coming over to your house to set your ass strait!

Anonymous said...

Herpies Herpies Herpies!!! You have em! Herpies!!!!!!!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

anon/calvin: dude, you wonder why the office gives you meaningless bullshit tasks... it's cause you go on about having nothing to do. be stealth like me, and act like you are ALWAYS BUSY. i'm just trying to help you out, champ.

Anonymous said...

all i did was sing about herpies....then you make me feel bad....I cry. Someday I will find nice people! some day! ha ha ha. I bet they all live in a cave....along with the hot chicks that wanna do pale irish boys! oh what a glorious day it will be when I find this secret cave!