Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Ahoy, Failboat!

While I wait to get pictures back from this weekend's shenanigans, I will take the time to call out some fail of epic proportions. Apparently pirates took four European tourists hostage and are now hiding in the hills of Las Qoray.

First of all, European tourists are not the ones to take as hostages. They arent sure whether they are French or German, but come on... Both countries dont give as big of a rat's ass as America does about it's citizens being . So if you want to be a successful captor, you would aim to snag some American tourists. That's where the real booty is!

Most importantly, you cannot be a pirate and hide on land. The whole thing about being a pirate is you STAY IN THE WATER... 'a life at sea', not 'a life at sea until people are chasing me'. NO GET BACK IN YOUR FUCKING BOAT!! Bunch of pussies, that's what they are. Unless they are hunting down ninjas on land (which is a difficult endeavor to begin with) or have run out of rum, their asses should be in the water, fighting off whomever is after them.

Thirdly, snagging a tourist vessel that has run out of gas seems to take away from their pirate cred. Everyone knows you are supposed to go after merchant ships so their is more shit to steal. And a boat that has run out of gas? You dont even need cannons to take it down. LAAAaaaaaame!!! I didnt see anything in the
pirate laws against this stuff, but it still doesnt seem quite right.



Main point: It's not the hokey pokey, you dont put your left foot in and take your left foot out; if you are going to be a pirate, DONT HALF ASS IT.

17 comments:

harx said...

lolz, those pirates are ghey

Nicole said...

Lazy pirates!!!!

Mike said...

I have no use for half-assed pirates. Fuckers aren't pirates anyway. They are just common criminals.

moooooog35 said...

Maybe they were just a couple of lost, confused "butt pirates."

Happens to the best of us at one point or another.

B.E. Earl said...

I've heard that Disney considered a new Pirates of the Gulf of Aden ride. It was gonna feature rich idiots yachting in a dangerous area, a kidnapping jaunt in the hills of Eastern Africa and a standoff with the French Navy.

Then they decided that would be silly and no one would ever pay to watch THAT movie.

AngryGinger said...

Did they good booty?

Beach Bum said...

Wherever Blackbeard is I'm sure he is spinning in his grave.

RockDog said...

That simply give the hard working real pirates a bad name...fuckers!

lotus07 said...

These were obviously lame ass pirates that have failed all other pirate tasks so they took the one opportunity that all the other pirate left behind. They are probably smart enough to hoist the Jolly Roger over the condo they are hiding out in.....thats going to make them really hard to find.

Mike said...

You should become a pirate.

A BOOTY pirate!

billymac said...

pirates are still cool... these are just lazy ass ones...

Malach the Merciless said...

Pirates suck

Colonel Colonel said...

The tourists must be French- Germans would never plan so badly that they would run out of gas off Somalia.

And they'd be armed to the teeth with Glocks.

AngryMan said...

Atlas must be in love w/the idea of half-assing a pirate.

Tink said...

Hehe, Harx said ghey.

I must go out and find some whitish yellow orange hairy caterpillers to take pictures of now.

Leighann said...

Those lazy bastards!

Roland Hulme said...

I fell off my chair laughing at that. Hilarious.