Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Trainwreck Friday- Choo Choo BITCHES!

Landon came home on Friday, kicking my bed to wake me up for Stella’s 2-for-1’s (or as he calls them, “4-for-2’s”). I was still trying to recover from Thursday’s Skark Bowling that included but was not limited to:
  • a crying jag

  • Pecan Pie for Pope's Birthday that I made with Jim Beam

  • Pantsless Bowling

  • Piggyback Bowling (one person gets on another's back and bowls

After Stella’s and then Old Chicago, we got up on Jason’s roof with a bottle of Dr. Mcgillicuddy’s (hey, it has “Doctor” on the bottle, so that means it’s good for you, right?), and Invader Zim the cat to yell at people down below. For example, the 30 year old pizza guy got a “IS THIS REALLY WHAT YOU WANTED TO BE DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?!” We knew it was time to get off the roof when a bird shit on Landon’s pant leg and he started screaming he was going to throw shit back at it.

The arab from the gas station across the street had recommended the 5 hr energy supplement, so we split it up into shot glasses to prepare for what we like to call “long distance drinking.” We met up with a birthday crowd that Jason knew at Nye’s in downtown Minneapolis, and came to the conclusion that as amusing as the polka band was, that was not the side of the bar to be on, because they poured Guinness in pure failure fashion. By this time, Landon (who had been pulling on the McGillicuddys harder than we had) was hiccupping).

We still aren’t quite sure how this happened, but we got kicked out of the cab on the way to Brits. We are good natured drunks and were agreeing with something the foreign cab driver said. Whatever. Fuck him and the border he snuck in on. At Brits I saw Jesus on the rooftop. He bought me a drink, so I assume I’m going to heaven now. We ended up back at Green Mill, who took our arguing with each other as a cue not to serve us. WTF?! We’ve been way more belligerent than that before.

Some people just don’t know how to take a joke.

27 comments:

Mike said...

Karma for giving the poor pizza guy a hard time.

I bet the poor schmuck was on his second job after his assbitch wife divorced him and took all he had.

You know, he's working two jobs and eats KD and she drives a Lexus, because that's how us north americans roll.

Anyways, Karma man, Karma. Think about it the next time you yell some shit out eh?

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Mike: eat my ass. he's probably just a lazy fuck that shouldve gone to college like the rest of us.

and despite the title, i acutally had a great time on friday.

Leighann said...

Your shenanigans make me tired. I'm old like that.

And the amount of alcohol you consume in one weekend is astounding.

Just sayin....

*wink*

Mike said...

Foreign people who drive cabs are like rabid pit bulls. You never know how they are going to react. You can tell them to fuck off and they smile and nod at you, but if you say something innocent like "good morning" they throw you out of the cab.

Fuck them all.

B.E. Earl said...

What a minute?

He kicked you out of the cab for agreeing with him? What was this...bizarro cab?

harx said...

dude, I'm so in for pantsless bowling

Tink said...

I'm not sure I've ever been kicked out of somewhere. -Wait... Nope. I don't think I have. Oh. How boring! And here you get kicked out on a routine basis. I think I need to start partying with you.

Tink said...

Oh and... Thanks for the visual on Oprahs nipples, you bitch. I will never be able to look at that picture (or door) again without shuddering.

Jay said...

I went to a German bar in Omaha a couple of years ago that had a polka band playing. It was a fun time. The heffewiezen was really good. I love German beer.

I've never been kicked out of a cab, but I have been kicked out of two strip clubs and one adult bookstore. All in Dallas. Dallas sucks ass.

Meghan said...

Shenanigans? Getting kicked out of cabs? Invader Zim?
Tequila, you give me such a hard on.

RockDog said...

I did read in a rather thick book that when Jesus buys you a drink it is a signal that a spot has been reserved for you at the Pearly Gates...doesn't guarantee admittance, but it does let you cut the line.

C.Rag said...

All Jesus did was date rape me.
Mother Fucker didn't even get me a free drink.

Malach the Merciless said...

I just got a call from your liver . . . I asked me to tell you to stop, do you not love it anymore?

Tequila Mockingbird said...

leighann: that was just friday.

tink: you are welcome.

Meghann: PIX?!

Malach: omggawd, srsly, dont you have anything else to say? if you didnt comment that on like every other post, i might give it a little more gravity, but if you are just coming here to bitch about my drinking, then you can eat a bag of dicks.

catscratch diva said...

Yay! A drink from Jesus is a sure sign of your wings having been earned.

I need to come party with you people. No shit. You kids sound like a bunch that holds a candle to my bunch.

moooooog35 said...

Nice pie!

I'm sure you've heard that before.

billymac said...

i was tossed from a cab in the ATL once (buckhead)... the driver was pretty nervous, he actually pulled out his piece from under his seat... what an assbag, did he think i was going to steal his cash and rape him with a broomstick? besides he could never prove that i was thinking that.

Mike said...

Tequila: I may just take you up on the offer to eat your ass.

But only if Meghan was in the room with her raging hard on.

That's hot.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

If I were bowling with no pants, I'd let that hand dryer blower thingy cool off my nutsack.

Hopefully the ball-return wouldn't shoot a 16-pounder into my junk while I hung in the breeze.

katie said...

Oh your pies are fabulous! i want to eat those pies! my what big pies you have!!

Sounds like another rip roaring time for the T-Bird. That taxi cab driver can kiss it, man. Lighten up is right!

Have a great wednesday, g-friend.

Real Live Lesbian said...

Mmm mmm! I wanna eat your PIE! ;)

Buy Jesus a drink for me! I wanna go to Heaven, too!

Baba Doodlius said...

So, has Mike eaten your ass yet, as instructed? And has Katie or Real Live Lesbian eaten your pie, as requested? Inquiring minds wanna know.

AngryMan said...

Jim Beam and pecan pies are the way to go. You don't even have to mix 'em.

Thomas said...

Sounds like a good night to me.

TV

Warped Mind of Ron said...

I want pie...

Hammer said...

That cab driver should have been kicked out because of his stink.

Seriously, Muslims are against drinking and he probably asked if you were drunk. When you agreed that you were he broke the rules and booted you.

They are doing this all over the country regarding booze (not opened), dogs, unaccompanied women etc...

Atlas Cerise said...

fwiw: http://www.ticketmaster.com/artist/1224126

Missy Higgins will be in Minneapolis for this. You can see her full schedule on her MySpace page. Thought you might like to go.