Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Office Retardation

So today I had probably the most asnine staff meeting ever. Though this meeting wasn’t directed at anything I had done or said, I was still silghtly irritated (and not just because it took away from valuable time I could’ve been plucking my eyebrows or online shopping for sex toys). We work in a small office, that’s deadline-driven, thus tensions run high. Backstabbing bullshit is out of control, because people cant just confront people face to face... Seriously, GROW THE FUCK UP.
Which brings me to my main issue… when did people lose their spine and become unable to deal with even the most minimal conflicts? Are we that weak as a society we have resorted to being confrontationally crippled? I think all of this touchy-feely-we-should-tread-lightly has ruined us and made us mealy-mouthed milk-toast hollow shells. Not everyone will always like everyone else. And especially in an office setting where you have a group of people thrown together who otherwise would want nothing to do with each other, it wont always be cotton candy and rainbows.

What’s the point of this post? Basically to tell everyone to cowboy up and grow a thicker skin because conflict is inevitable and avoiding confrontation wont make it go away, but instead let it simmer like a stew of bitter resentment. So if you are sick of the office douchebag peeing in the coffee pot or the office bitch telling everyone you smell like a hobo behind your back, SAY SOMETHING. Or sabotage their car. Do something, because if you do nothing, you’ll just tweak out one day and come into the office shooting.

15 comments:

Mike said...

When the current civilization gives up the ghost, most of the fat, lazy, whiny, retarded entitled ultra sensitive everythings offensive ass hats will die.

If civilization ends while I'm still alive, I plan on staying that way. Even if I have to kill some fat, lazy, whiney, retarded entitled ultra sensitive everythings offensive asshats who didn't prepare or stockpile like I did.

Seriously. That's my pellet gun, and that's my dead squirrel, and I'm eating it. So says this baseball bat to your brain.

Just Sayin' said...

If I have a problem with anyone at the office I will usually just try talking with them about it...

Well either that, or I'll slip some rohypnol into their drink during lunch and then photograph them in very compromising... Yet very interesting poses with the local homeless population (As an aside, it's really amazing what a homeless person will do for a 10$ rock...) Then I threaten to show the pictures to management as well as their friends and family.

You'd be surprised at how quickly their attitude changes after that! Plus... As a bonus you can usually get them to do all of your work, as well as their own, and get them to give 25% of their salary to boot!

Leighann said...

If you think that's bad, try working in a daycare with ALL catty women.

Bitches.

moooooog35 said...

Fine. I'll do something.

Just don't be pissed when I sabotage your car and pee in your coffee pot.

You asked for it.

B.E. Earl said...

I work from home a lot of the time and I've noticed some weird tension between the cats.

I might have to call a meeting.

C.Rag said...

That's why anything anyone says on tv or radio, they end up apologizing for it.

Roland Hulme said...

Tequila! Hear Hear! your post was awesome and I sympathise.

Mike - your response was so funny, coffee came spurting out of my nose!

Warped Mind of Ron said...

I agree. It is very true.
Once I tried to be kind and not address issues I was having at work. It seemed like daily the pressures kept mounting and more and more stress was building up until I thought I couldnt take it anymore.
Then one morning I came in tasered the little bastard that was bothering me. After disecting him much like Dexter does and disposing of the body I felt much better. Plus everyone else in the office seems to go out of their way to be more pleasant around me.

Sparkling Red said...

For real. I wish that confrontational skills were part of primary school's core curriculum. Not being able to constructively (or otherwise) address our differences has been the downfall of humans in general. People think they have to go in angry, but it can be as simple as "I thought I noticed you giving me the stink-eye lately - is there something on your mind?". That's not so hard, is it?

lotus07 said...

AMEN sister....if you want to see the hideious and aweful outcome of this type of behavior...work for a public entity...it becomes surreal after a while.

Jay said...

Or you could always just make up rumors about them. Maybe find somebody who is really good at photoshop and make up some really embarrassing story to go along with it and email the pic to everyone from an anon hotmail account that you set up while using the computer at the library. Not that I would know anything about doing that kind of thing. ;-)

Mike said...

Boy, I couldn't agree more. We sure have become a whiny bunch. Good thing we had WWII back when America still had a spine. If the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor today, we'd all be required to send them a letter of apology because Pearl Harbor pissed them off.

Malach the Merciless said...

You take that back or I swear to God I will Hockey Fight you!

AngryMan said...

I sue people who piss me off. It's a great way to fuck w/people's credit rating.

Fortune Cookies said...

When my girlfriend left me for my boss(who lived next door to us)the boss had a staff meeting in which she told us how gossip and rumors would not be tolerated and anyone discussing personal matters at work would be terminated. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was directed at me. pffffft, I got a better one now anyways and the boss? well, she ended up taking care of a parapelegic when that ex of mine got in a wreck. karma. it's better than gossip.