Sunday, June 1, 2008

Grand Ol' Weekend!

Just as I figured out an angry midget is a harbinger of bad times, when Landon and I saw two midgets in the post office, we knew it would be a doubly fun weekend. It actually translated into two opportunities for public intoxication. After post office on Saturday, we went to The Felafel King's buffet. If the Burger King guy is so fucking creepy, the Felafel King must be even more disturbin, but instead have a turban with a crown over it and smell like curry and old shoes. But the place was fantastic. It had a bunch of Mexican guys working at it who kept threatening to kick each other's asses. Felafel King fight club? Hmmm.. I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT!!

The first opportunity to get publicly hammered was a filthy tease. They blocked off a solid couple of streets a few blocks from us on calhoun square for the Beerfest. Too bad it was $28 to get in. JUST FOR SAMPLES!! Unless it comes from a mason jar, it'll take more than a sample to rattle my cage...

Anyway, Saturday wasn't such a lucky day for some folk... It started hailing like a sonofabitch (probably the forces of the universe in a rage about the cost of Beerfest...), and I had the distinct pleasure of laughing at some people running down a Hennepin while I was nice and cozy in my apartment, with my drink. THE FIRST of my "FUN IN THE SUN" summer drink recipes I will bestow upon you:

Tropical Mockingbird

  • Pineapple soaked for at least two days in light rum and another day frozen
  • Tropicana Orange Juice (it's from the town in Fla I'm from. Don't settle for that concentrate OJ Bullshit)
  • More of that light rum good times


Unfortunately, time flies when you're having rum, so next thing I know it's Sunday and time for Grand Ol Day. No intraweb definition can give you the full picture of the awesomeness of this event. Thousands of people, drinking on Grand St. in St. Paul, for miles. Jugglers, Bands, Beer Gardens (those are for suckers), fried food on a stick, crafts, lawn parties, and GENERAL RUNNING AMOK!!! For this, I filled a camelbak with Red Bull, Blue gatorade, and vodka. I was like a tranny, trying to remember to tuck my hose in; I doubt the law would've been enthusiastic about the booze I lovingly carried upon my back.

After a shit ton of food and liquor (we had arrived already tanked, properly ready for the festivities), and walking down the miles of Grand St. the celebration stretched for, Landon and I started feeling ill, sun burnt (turns out a Ginger like me should probably slather on some sunscreen), and blisters... sooo, we decided it was time to roll out. We felt like the goddamn jews wandering around for 40 years trying to find Landon's car on Summit. We tried waiting for the shuttle bus, and had a pine cone throwing fight before eventually giving up and just walking it. I almost vomited in some of the nicest lawns in St Paul. I did see this house. WTF? Teddy bears in all the windows??

24 comments:

katie said...

"Time flies when you're having rum". my wiener dog wants a shirt made with this slogan on it. actually, we both want the shirt, T-Bird! woohoooooooooo!

LOVE the pics!

Have an awesome week!

Jay said...

That huge-ass hypodermic needle your posing with is the one they used to pump steroids into Roger Clemens' ass.

Meghan said...

What a great weekend. I also have a post up about weekend sunburns. Damn being a ginger somedays.(shaking fist)

AngryMan said...

The pic of you w/the needle makes me think you're grabbing a giant cock.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

I don't drink, but your mention of fried food on a stick got my attention. I guess we all have our addictions.... Mmmmm fried cheece...

Tink said...

Oh my God. Why were there teddy bears in all the windows? WHY? There's going to be a great stuffed animal revolt soon, isn't there? You can tell me. I can take it. I know how to behead the little beasts with my car.

The Manic Street Preacher said...

Everyone keeps gettin pissed n not invitin me. I'm gettin depressed now.

That hypo gives a whole new meanin to the phrase "You'll only feel a little prick"

harx said...

Chicks with needles are hawt.




Oh wait... did I just say that out loud?

surviving myself said...

You should have puked on the teddy bear lawn for sure.

They have it coming.

moooooog35 said...

We have a house like that in Massachusetts.

However, instead of teddy bears, it's crazy albino people that are staring out the windows.

Mike said...

In Canada, we put stuffed beavers in our windows.

Except in quebec, they put real beavers up there. But the quebecers always were skanky.

The Doggy Did It said...

Yeah. I am a little lost on exactly why you are humping a giant hypodermic needle??

Where exactly do you see something like that? Outside of rehab perhaps?

Baba Doodlius said...

In that picture are you offering the teddy bears hits from your camelbak? That would be cool - drunk teddy bears.

lotus07 said...

Hey...we got teddy bears in our windows....you wanna come puke on our lawn???? I dare ya, I doube dare ya....but better bring a vat of sun screen...it is hot as hell here.

Malach the Merciless said...

HEY YOU DRUNK KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN OR IMA GONNA CALL THE COPS!

B.E. Earl said...

I wanna see the Falafel King and Burger King in a steel-cage match.

And yeah...I'm a little drunk right now.

C.Rag said...

Did you throw the midgets?

captain corky said...

This is definitely my liver's favorite blog. No doubt about it.

Hammer said...

I saw a bar the other day named "Re-tox" . I thought you would enjoy that.

Mike said...

Teddy bears in all the windows? That's surely the home of a child raper. Call the cops now.

Colonel Colonel said...

So that backpack was full? Halle Berry, Mama o'God, when you set out to have fun, you don't fool around!

Slyde said...

teddy bears in all the windows?


i think i would have needed to violate at least half of them...

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Generic Viagra said...

ey you are totally right! that Felafel King's guy look soo creepy, if I go to a restaurant and I see something like that, for sure I will turn and back to my home and prepare something to eat.