Friday, May 23, 2008

Tapeworms, Chicken Rings And Breaking Bowling

I’ll preface this post by saying I didn’t go to bowling with the goal to bowl fabulously; more so to hang out with people and have good drinkety drunken times. That’s just how Thirsty Thursday’s go, folks. Anyway, so I brought the cookies (sugar cookies, with strawberry frosting and chocolate sprinkles) I had made the night before. I call them Moregasm Cookies, because after you eat one your eyes roll back in your head and you scream: “MOOOOOOORE I NEEED MOOOOORE!!!”

I definitely dig the bowling place, they make the drinks strong and will play Warrant’s “Sweet Cherry Pie” for me. We had three lanes, and definitely amused the other lanes with our 1. curling up in a ball of shame after a bad bowl 2. screaming about Poptix’s tapeworms that he may or may not have 3. throwing ice at each other. I either bowl really bad or really good, and the more I drank, the better I bowled. AMAZING! I wish driving had the same correlation. I’ve been trying to convince Spam that if he had his ball engraved with “I HEART COCK” he would bowl better. He says no, but I told him that it wouldn’t necessarily mean he’s gay, because he COULD be talking about his cock… it’s not like it’s plural.

I refused Poptix’s claims that I needed the retard ramp. Not that it mattered; he broke the lane by rolling two balls at the same time. Also, it turns out you ARENT supposed to try to bowl in someone else’s lane when they aren’t looking. We made up for our follies in liquor sales.

The staff at White Castle afterwards was solidly less amused with us. First of all, they kept giving us conflicting stories about whether they had chicken or not. And the old lady behind the counter kept giving us nasty looks when we were discussing whether or not Jesus got gangbanged by the disciples. Seems like an appropriate drunken White Castle conversational topic to me. People are so weird sometimes. Overall, a grand time was had by all, except for the bowling and White Castle employees who cleaned up the havoc left in our wake.

White Castle

26 comments:

moooooog35 said...

We don't have White Castles here in New England.

As such..the whole Kumar thing goes right over my head.

However, if we ever do get one I'll be sure to ask for Chicken while discussing "The Last Groper" gangbang.

Apparently...Judas sucks in more ways than one.

CarmenSinCity said...

I absolutely love bowling and your cookies sound anazing. You should send me some :)

harx said...

You gotta be careful bowling in other peoples lanes, things can get rough.

B.E. Earl said...

I used to be in a bowling league and every few weeks my feet would fly out from under me and I would wipe out in front of everyone.

It's nice to be able to make your friends laugh by being retarded.

Leighann said...

Good times.... good times!

Malach the Merciless said...

Can you write your blog from prison for distubing the peace?

Slyde said...

god! now you've got me thinking about that hot-ass chick from the Cherry Pie video...

that woman was the focus of many of my college fantasies...

Tequila Mockingbird said...

moog: sounds liek you guys fail. or maybe it's a good thing. the intestinal wrath of today was not cool.

carmen: that's a big 10-4

harx: PERFECT, LOLOLOLOLOL!!!

malach: i'm not going to prison... especially when there's no peace to disturb.

slyde: mine too.

Jay said...

We don't have any White Castles here either. That really sucks too cause everybody always talks about how cool they are.

I get better at bowling the more I drink too though. I think the game was designed with that idea in mind. Unlike darts, where they obviously didn't consider how much danger people could be in if I was insanely drunk and throwing those things around the room.

Krissyface said...

I wish I had a bowling alley here in New York that would play Warrant for me.

billymac said...

sliders suuuuuuuck... although, sliders while wasted are fairly tolerable.

AngryMan said...

Jesus and the disciples were all men who wandered around the desert. What does that tell us? THEY WERE GAY!

Mike said...

How do you think Jesus's disciples were so faithful?

His perfect MANGINA.

And Judas? Judas was refused a blow job.

Think about it.

C.Rag said...

If Jesus was gay shouldn't he had better looking clothes?

katie said...

god, i have been on many a doobie induced binge at a white castle back in the day. Oh, the memories, T-Bird!!

You have a great weekend, my dear!

Scott said...

You are hot. But the Jesus-bashing disturbs me.

Mike said...

I have the same problem with bowling. I start off bowling a 12 and then I drink a whole shit-load, and I get my score all the way up to 20 or so.

Scott said...

Im soory. I am tore up right now, ya heard me? I drink all the time. More than you do. I am doomed. You... are not. You are a beautiful woman. I wish we lived closer so I could have the peasure of knowing you. I am lost. You are not. Please look up the pathophysiology of cirrhois. It is no joke. Imagine yourself with pain, terrible pain. Imagine ... I am to drunk off tequila, whiskey, and beer to remember my patho. Ah, imagine the pain. Eventually your brain would succumb to hepatic enephalopathy. After your liver is fried, your bloodstream will build up an excess of amonia. You know?That hnasty cleaning product in your arteries. Nasty! It will fuck uyp your brain and eventullly kill you. But first there is the pain, getting on a liver transpl;ant list, (byt they won't want to give you onw since you drank yours away--what about the poor peopl;e who lost their livers with congenital dfects and maybe things like chemotherapy hepatotoicity?) you were a drunk--whos to say you wouldn't drink your donated liver away, too? hmmm... other roblems, well, you will definately have some level of alcoholic dementia, portal hypertension, ohhh... and my FAVORITE! No man can resist a woman with ascities! I think you are sexy right now--wait until your body becomes emaciated and your belly balloons out from 3rd spaed water that makes it look like you are 9 months pregnant with twins! SEXY! I'd hit it! Oh,thne what about a simple poblem like esophageal varicies? You are eating your typical bar food--salty chips to encorage hypernatremia (and thereby more liquor sales) and a Dorito rips wide a varice in your throat. Your blood stains the bottles of 80 proof or bette in the bar as your lifeblood squrts out of your throat. and you die... how embarassing!?

Nasty. And I am the drunk bastard telling you about it. That is, if I canstop the liqor's hold on my life and make it into the healthcare profession. I dopn;t want to see you die in such a long, painful way. Look it up. Alcoholics die badly!

buffalodickdy said...

There is league bowling, and then there is "open " bowling... Open bowling (like you did) is way more fun to watch, because the occasional bowler doesn't know it's serious- they think it's for fun! The result is they have way more fun than people who are actually good bowlers! We have no White Castles around here- I'd like to try one or two some day...

surviving myself said...

screaming is the best way to get rid of tape worms.

Seriously, they hate it when people yell.

Hungry Mother said...

I remember when a dollar's worth of those little White Castle burgers saved me from starvation in New Orleans.

moooooog35 said...

Um..yeah...

It really is too bad Scott doesn't live closer to you so you can get to know each other.

He sounds like a real keeper.

The Manic Street Preacher said...

I went blowling too. I needed a retard ramp.

I was pissed though.

The Manic Street Preacher said...

blowling? pissed again

Beach Bum said...

Damn, White Castles are missing down here in the south as well. And I want some of those cookies.

Brian Stanfill said...

Did you do anything remarkable for "dead and dead lucky" soldier day weekend?