Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Light Sabers, Roller Girls, and Guy Fawkes

Between Armageddon at work and all my other semi-controlled chaos, I’m just now getting around to the weekend recap. Friday night was one of those nights that can only be put together from texts, myspace comments, picture mail, and stamps on my hands. I think part of the reason for getting blackout drunk was the early start and then some chemical additions that I don’t normally have. I had some delicious pear cider at Old Chicago, and while Jason, Landon and I were drinking there, we noticed what we thought were prostitutes. They were ueber hot, and going around chatting to groups of men, so obviously we thought they must have been propositioning them. No, turns out they were just Coors girls, telling everyone about the new Pale Moon beer. It was awesome, they gave us free samples, (although, them giving us the glass took away some of the fun that comes with acquiring glasses from bars). Pale Moon may smell like woodchips, but it was free, thus tastyriffic!

We went back to Jason’s house, joined up with Calvin Crustitron, and did some
crack pipe shots, and I assisted a friend with some chemical acquisitions (unfortunately, Tequila Mockingbird sucks at this kind of thing, and ended up dropping the remainder of it on the sidewalk, BUT amazingly enough, found it the next morning). At some point I remember walking to the bar with everyone, but after that it’s hazy. From the lobster stamp on my hand, I gather I went to Stella’s next, and a couple bars after that. Then from what I am told they stopped letting us into places, so we just went back to Jason’s. IMPRESSIVE!

The next morning, we fixed ourselves up right at the Uptown Bar with tater tots and
screwdrivers at 10 am, and sat in the sun watching the lunatics, hotties, panhandlers, and trendy hipsters that passed by. Later I went to the roller derby finals with Legos and the airsoft crew. During pre-drinking at the Local, we saw people in Guy Fawkes masks protesting Scientology. They were not amused with me screaming at them: “SHOW ME YOUR TITS.”
I definitely fell in love with a couple of the hotter roller girls; something about their short skirts, colorful underpants, and violence really rocked my dock. One of the many highlights of the evening was my light saber fight during half time.
A couple of the airsoft guys are married to roller girls (
Strawberry Snatchcake and Freddie Kruelgirl), so we went to the after party at the Black Bamboo. There they had karaoke, and I’ll admit that seeing two lesbians sing “Like a Virgin” was seven shades of entertaining.

36 comments:

lotus07 said...

Guy Fawkes protesting Scientology.....the world is just getting stranger and stranger.

moooooog35 said...

You figured they'd use John Travolta masks or Tom Cruise masks...or Eric Cartman...something else.

Just picture the faces on these assholes when the UFO comes to take the other people away.

Priceless.

Course..we won't see the looks because they'll be wearing these stupid f*cking masks.

Malach the Merciless said...

Thats a fake roller derby rink, where are the raised sides? The Barbed Wire? The Exotic Bladed weapons?

Jay said...

Roller Derby rocks! I'm not normally a big fan of chicks who can kick my ass, but roller derby chicks are pretty cool.

Mike said...

If scientology involves bare tits, i'm going for the free tour!

B.E. Earl said...

"Light Sabers, Roller Girls, and Guy Fawkes"

These are a few of my favorite things!

We can all thank Alan Moore for learnin' 'us Americans about Guy Fawkes. Thank you, Mr. Moore.

Sparkling Red said...

I have got to get myself to a roller derby someday. I still have my old-school white-leather-boot roller skates from 1988 when I used to go to the roller rink every Saturday. Those were the days.

The Manic Street Preacher said...

Now that is my kinda party!

I'm savin' up

By the way the mask comes from 'V' for Vendetta. A brit flick that got panned by the critics but wasn't so bad.

A futuristic Guy Fawkes who succeeded where the original failed and blew the politicians to fuck.

No wonder I liked it.

Hungry Mother said...

I miss Joanie Weston and the Bay Bombers.

Tink said...

Snatchcake?! Bwahahaha. That name ROCKS.

Slyde said...

i do believe you may be the coolest fucking girl ever....

i should give you an award...

Mike said...

Roller derby girls are hot in a kick someone's ass and then piss on them kind of way.

CarmenSinCity said...

Hmmmm - I wonder if they have any roller derbys here in Vegas. I'll check into that for sure.

buffalodickdy said...

Your planet has more fun than my planet....

Malicious Intent said...

I think I feel hungover just reading that. Wow. No way could I hang with you and make it.

Malicious Intent said...

I think I feel hungover just reading that. Wow. No way could I hang with you and make it.

harx said...

Don't forget the rollerchix are loaded with tats.

Hawt.

billymac said...

sounds like a kick-ass weekend.. i am so fucking jealous.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

mooog: boy will my face be red when the UFO's come!

malach: eat my ass. it was a convention center they made into a rink. but they SHOULD have barbed wire and weapons.

jay: you are full of lies... you are a fan of me, and i can kick your ass...

Mike: agreed. sign me up for that cult!

Preacher: i was actually aware of that.

tink: i second that.

slyde: this is indeed true.

Carmen: probably; they are everywhere.

buffalo: probably. that's what i'm going for.

Harx: mmm girls with tats!

Billy: as you should be

Beach Bum said...

My brother bought one of those two hundred dollar light sabres at some Star Wars convention. It makes the sounds the sabres did on the movies and looks pretty cool. But he is 38 now and when we were both much younger he use to think my sci-fi addiction was geeky.

AngryMan said...

You're giong to get sued by the "church" of Scientology for mentioning a protest on your blog. I'll try to pass the bar soon for you!

Anonymous said...

Afterwards she went home on her magic unicorn and bought a castle with moon rocks. Anyone Else think her blog is a bunch of BS? Also I heard she runs into walls and has rechid B.O. :D

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Anon/calvin crusitron: your ass was around for most of friday night. i dont have BO, that's youre wretched stench from being up all night having buttsex with schaefe. second, this is why i have pix, for proof of shenanigans. i did run into a wall on fri night, but then again that couldve been landon shoving me. how about you go back to filing.

Anonymous said...

I clocked it. 5 minutes before you noticed a disturbance on your blog. hmmmmm.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

ANON/CALVIN: that's cause i get comments emailed to me. also, you know that right now is a dead time at the mag for me.

Anonymous said...

I think it is always a dead time for you. I know day laborers who get paid less and do more. I also know how to walk so yeah. Fried Rice! Jesus I a bored! I wish the company pistol still had a round in it. Our Fuckin Russian Intern Michae`l used it...lucky bastard...

Tequila Mockingbird said...

ANON/CALVIN: dude, it's not always dead time for me. sometimes i'm running around liek a chicken with it's cock cut off. not today. and come on, like YOU are real busy, you are on my blog and instant messaging with girls who will never fuck you. i walk fine when i have not been drinking for 6 hours. SWEET N SOUR RANGOON!

Anonymous said...

lies...I am not on-line with chicks I noticed a spam i got on my myspace you ass. And shit least the ladies I date have hair. so there. wow its a ryhme I do it all the time. i once knew a man from Mantuckit, whose dick was so big he could suck it. He would scream good morning dear, get me a beer, or I will shove it right in your ear!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

ANON/CALVIN: since when have i dated someone without hair? freddie kruelgirl on this post is my friend's wife, not mine. jfc. pay attention. no wonder they are going to fire you. HAHAHAAAhahaha

Anonymous said...

i saw a pic of your old Bf from a party....BALD! For shame, put that tail between your legs. Besides I am that man from Mantuckit, and I will put it in your ear!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

ANON/CALVIN: nothing wrong with bald men. dont make me start bagging on you. besides he was almost 40, it was cool he was bald. what's your excuse for looking like a douchebag? your goatee makes you look like a pedophile.

Anonymous said...

maybe I am. Although I did not think the goatee would give you that impression. I thought the van filled with candy and puppies would have had more of an impact...hmmm

Tequila Mockingbird said...

ANON/CALVIN: it's actually the fact that your fingers always smell like diaper rash cream and your collection of stuffed animals with crusty stains on them that gave it away. i hope schaefe knows your cheating on him with children.

Anonymous said...

children or roomates at least i have standards...

Tequila Mockingbird said...

ANON/CALVIN: by standards do you mean you only fucked that standard poodle you were fostering and not the weiner dog?

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