Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Darwinism Strikes Again!

I came across a story today that though it will not win March’s Douchebag of the Month award, it should receive and honorary mention for all of the stupidity involved. To summarize it, a tourist died from shark bites, which in and of itself wouldn’t be that big of a deal, HOWEVER… the sharks were around this dumb ass diver because they had been chumming the waters with bloody fish parts. Imagine that, sharks being attracted to bloody fish? A real shocker (silly sharks and their instincts). The kicker is that he PAID people to do this! Why not just poke the shark in the eye with a stick?

The Scuba Adventures’(the company that took him out), website promises the opportunity to get “face to face” with sharks. Well what a golden fucking opportunity! Hell, while were getting face to face with nature, how about covering ourselves in antelope blood and running around in a cage of lions? Well, Mr. Markus Groh certainly had his “unique shark trip;” I wonder if they still ran his credit card and charged him for it?
COME SWIM WITH MEEE!


At first I wasn’t sure who was more of a douchebag, the dead guy or the company. Then I realized that because this guy was paying for them to do this, he was the ultimate douchebag. It doesn’t even sound like a remotely good idea on their website: "consequently, there will be food in the water at the same time as the divers. Please be aware that these are not 'cage' dives, they are open water experiences." I think anyone who finds that an awesome idea, save for maybe the croc hunter types (because that’s stupidity at it’s most entertaining!), deserves to get their ass bit by a shark, otherwise their stupidity will just continue to run rampant, unchecked.

31 comments:

Captain Flak Paperpants said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TED VELVET said...

Nature has a way of thinning the herd. This moron was doomed the moment his mom crapped him out.

harx said...

Meh, at least it was just a lawyer that got it, no big loss.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Hey! A sharks got to eat too. Without these guys in the water who knows where these sharks would get their next meal.

Mike said...

I saw that story too and the first thing I thought was why the fuck would anyone in their right mind get in the water with sharks and bloody fish parts?

Then I realized I had answered my own question because the guy obviously wasn't in his right mind.

Mike said...

Yea, I heard that story. Fucking great.

You know what's just as funny?

I'm a shark! I'm a shaaaaaaaaark! Suck my dick! I'm a shaaaaaaaaark!

Awesome.

billymac said...

GMTA... i posted this today too

Anonymous said...

I think u should swim with the sharks! muh ha ha ha ha.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

ANONYMOUS (AKA CALVIN CRUSTITRON): dude, i'm going to put dog shit in your CPU, get back to work.

Anonymous said...

Rabble rabble! you have not arrived! You have been burgled! Although I have many aliases my favorite will always be...the Hamburgler!!! Rabble Rabble bitches! Now go bust out some Frost and Hemmingway!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Calvin (anonymous): i have arrived more than your bitch ass. i like how you claim not to read this and be all like "dude, you are so lame for having a blog" but then, here you are. your mother shouldve swallowed you.

Anonymous said...

For the record....I do think blogs are lame....sorry guys...But I was bored and well fucking with people is always fun....so...Ta-da Swanson was born! muh ha ha ha ha. You just got Burgled! Now go swim with the sharks bizz nizzle.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Calvin (anonymous): laaaaame. this is why you are alone, and beat off in the dark listening to alanis morrisette. see if ever let you drink out of my flask again!

Christine said...

Oh come on...what fun is shark viewing within a cage? Where is your sense of adventure? If you don't get eaten..you have a great story to tell your friends. Afterall, cocktail party conversation is certainly worth a few risks.

B.E. Earl said...

Free swimming with sharks sounds almost as dangerous as lime jello wrestling with midgets.

And not nearly as much of a turn-on.

Anonymous said...

I burgled you...end of story. If this was a chess game this would be where you graciously lay down your king...and walk away from the table.



check...

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Calvin (anonymous): i will admit to some pwnage. but you know how much i love conflict... and you know how much free time i have at work. sooooo you should know this was actually good times. so suck it like you suck that bag of dicks every night

Anonymous said...

It was fun.....but I beat you. be a gracious loser....or I will Hire R-Kelly to drip drip drip, pee on you...yes its true, he gonna pee on you...

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Calvin (anonymous): dude, i already admitted to some pwnage. take your hollow victory and shove it up your ass, like you do all of those hispanic men.

katie said...

okay, you and your anonymous stalker are cracking me up, tequila! quite entertaining.

anyways, this story is crazy. i had to read it before i believed it actually happened. crazy shit! wow. needless to say, the douchebag honorary mention is well deserved for that idiot!! good call, my dear!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

katie: it's my dbag coworker.

Jay said...

I think this year on my vacation I'm gonna spend a week tempting wild animals. Oh what fun will that be!

I won't even go to those drive through exotic animals parks if I can't take a gun with me.

RockDog said...

I heard that story the other day...bad way to get famous.

R.E.H. said...

That's kind of depressing... and exceptionally dumb. Sure. Pay people to put you out of your own misery...

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Some people have more money than brains!

Dumbasses!

Malach the Merciless said...

I tossed in some Tuna head for good measure

unsigned said...

Some dumb people smoke and pay the tobacco company to slowly and painfully kill them with lung cancer. I think this guy's decision to die as a result of stupidity was far more efficient and way more entertaining. When was the last time you heard an amusing cancer death story?

hammy said...

Well, the tourist has a good hope for the Darwin award. And you still say he WON'T win March's deuchebag of the month award??
If you ask me, it looks like he was TRYING to win the deuchebag of the month award.

I have other motives listed out as follows...

1. He wanted to start a new TV show... trying to beat down "Swimming with sharks" TV docu-series by his own patented spin off, "Swimming with sharks without protective gear while covered in blood".

2. He was trying to find his long-lost love, who has been, according to reputed media psychics, reincarnated as a shark.

3. He wanted to try out his lucky charm bracelet sold to him by that gypsy woman who claimed it would ensure his safety, no matter what. He should get his money back.

4. He wanted to try out for the Deuchebag of the month award.

I think it was probably the Deuchebag award thingy... stands to reason...

AngryMan said...

I'm surprised you didn't give the award to Atlas.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Angry: this isnt the march dbag of the month award... who says atlas isnt getting it?

Colonel Colonel said...

I had heard there was a shark attack and the guy had died, but not the the details.

WTF has the world come to? That is the single stupidest thing i have ever heard. The rule has ALWAYS been- if there is blood in the water, GET THE FUCK OUT. Now we have companies taking money to put bloody fish and divers in the water together? That's the same sort of warped thinking that got us into Iraq and the mortage meltdown. Stick a fork in America guys, we're done.