Friday, February 15, 2008

Thank Cthulhu It's Friday!

I’ll get around to writing about my VD tomorrow (and by VD I mean Valentine’s Day, not what your mom has), but for now I’m in recovery mode with bottles of water and some green tea extract pills. However, I figure I should give you a Whitman’s sampler of good times for your Friday, but I’ll leave the nasty toothpaste flavored chocolate out.

This
first item was sent to me by Buzzardbilly. It’s perfect for the boozy woman out on the town, who wants to get shitfaced, yet still be safe. Not only is it a cane to help keep you steady so you don’t fall down, but with a solid brass handle you could give someone a serious beat down if they tried to fuck with you. The best part is with the corked flask in the center, that pops open with the handle is removed. I don’t know how I could go wrong with this, it’s the ultimate accessory for a classy burgeoning alcoholic.The second awesome thing that was brought to my attention was that Guinness has a proposition to make St Patrick’s Day a ‘real’ holiday. Being 100% Irish, I don’t think I can fully express the ginormous boner I have for this. It would officially allow us to express our Irishness (and believe me, I have a metric ass ton of it), and would be a way for non-Irish people to commemorate St. Patrick, who was legitimately an amazing guy. Frankly, I don’t know if I would have the stones to drive a bunch of snakes out of Ireland, but this guy did. So, go to the site, and sign the petition; even if you aren’t Irish, would you REALLY turn down an extra day off of work? It only takes a couple of minutes.

25 comments:

Mike said...

I heard that the Irish people were on the verge of some amazing scientific breakthroughs such as teleportation and traveling at faster than the speed of light, when whiskey was introduced.

An instant fight broke out that has not stopped since.

Hobbs von Wackamole said...

"I love the sexy slither of a lady snake" - Barry White

Anonymous said...

So you can beat someone with the brass handle... the same handle you remove to get to booze???

What happens if the handle comes off while you're giving a beat down???

Could you imagine all that booze pouring out onto the ground???

I'll give it to them, it's a cute cane, but poorly designed...

Malach the Merciless said...

So your going to kill someone with a freemason gavel? We won't be happy with that.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Malach: dude, pay attention. that's a fireman's hammer. the Capn is gonna shit his pants that you confused the two. and i'm not killing anyone. i wanted it for self protection. christ. do you even read people's posts?

Buzzardbilly said...

I knew you would love it! XD

There's an added bonus: Should you see a toddler or kitten trapped in a hot car unattended, you could use the brass hammer to free them--Liquor Lady to the rescue, she's no alky-ho.

moooooog35 said...

Malach is a freemason?

Good, I need my front stairs redone in brick and was looking for someone to do it cheap.

Any day that can give a woman a boner should definitely be considered a national holiday.

This is why I'm pushing "Moog Day" - cuz getting President's Day off just isn't enough for me.

Leighann said...

Wait, you've met my mom? *snicker*

Mike said...

Fireman's hammer? Freemason's gavel?

Christ, where are the boobs?

I only come here for the pictures of boobs.

I thought St. Patrick's Day was already a holiday--or at least the day after. I'm usually too hungover to move.

I think that about covers it all.

Midleah said...

Mike- wasn't that on an episode of The Simpsons or Family Guy or something??

Tequila- I signed your thingy~

Just Sayin' said...

I wish I was Irish! If I were then everyone would think I was full of National pride...

As it stands now they generally think I'm just drunk and belligerent!

I'll sign the petition.

Jay said...

I was looking at a really cool cane at some store the other day. I kept thinking about how useful it would be to smack kids with when they get in my way. I could also use to poke people in the crotch if they got on my nerves. Seriously, my nipples got hard just thinking about it.

I'm Irish too. Anything Guinness wants to do is fine with me. Even if they never did send me that damn bar towel I was supposed to get back in the day. I've forgiven them for that though. Kinda.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Why is it every time I read your posts, afterward I want to pour myself a drink?

Nice hammer. I wouldn't want to wind up on the business end of that thing.

The Doggy Did It said...

Stop talking about my mom!

Oh, I agree with LBB too, everytime I read your blog, I feel like getting wasted!!

R.E.H. said...

Did I ever tell you I got some Irish in me? Yep, I do.

I've never embraced that Irish in me, but maybe I should. I would definitely sign that petition though.

Hammer said...

Hell I'm Irish and drink Guinness so guess it's my duity to sign up. (hic)

B.E. Earl said...

This one had everything: Lovecraft, freemasons (or not), flasks and Guinness. Gotta agree with that Mike guy...could've used some boobs.

And St. Patrick's Day is already a holiday. For those of us who really care, that is.

katie said...

Girl, I am 100% Polish so you know that this means I am also 100% dumbass. But since you are hot as fire I will sign this petition!

And I love how you got a boner over the news of the holiday. Miss Katie loves your enthusiasm and gives you a gold star!!

Have a kick ass weekend, girlfriend!

Hungry Mother said...

This Irish ass is heading for the Bradenton Hooters on Sunday. Better warm them.

Malicious Intent said...

All for another day off from work! Hope your feeling better so you may resume your hellraising. :)

cowsarejustfood said...

a booze hammer cane. the most awesome thing. evah. me likey.
beats carrying around my meths filled shiv.

AngryMan said...

I fully support laziness and boozehounding in all of its shapes and forms.

billymac said...

The Irish in me says get drunk... and then it says "whadefukyalookinatyaaffholeillfukinkill youiloveyou!"

BBC said...

I wish I had the money you spend partying, I could buy another house.

Wait, this one is free and clear, I guess I could buy another one anyway if I wanted another one.

buffalodickdy said...

Wow! You like H.P. Lovecraft stuff? Cool! If that flask/hammer came in silver, well, I love the song, "Maxwells' Silver Hammer" by the Beatles....