Monday, February 25, 2008

Putting out the fire

So I totally remembered why I stopped smoking weed this weekend. In college, I was one of those students that went to class high, did homework high, studied high, took the test high and got high grades. But eventually, I stopped. While moving, I found my water bong, and mentioning this to a friend, my friend gave me a present. All this past week, I was having a helluva time, enjoying my present, and I kept telling Landon, “Jesus-tap-dancin-Christ, why did I ever stop chonging down? This is GREAAAAAT!!”

Positive evidence for not stopping was when on Friday, I got ready for all you can eat FREE shrimp at Stella’s by having some herbal essence. We walked down, and I will say this, there was an ugly, middle aged, overweight woman (reeking of liquid butter and overall dissatisfaction with her life) who was standing by the bowl of fried shrimp, just shoveling shit on her plate, and then she gave me a bunch of shit when I tried to get some with the other set of grabbers. Fucking greedy bitch, BUuuut because I was a little more chilled out than usual I just smiled and was patient. I could’ve punched her in the throat like I did the last chick that fucked with me, but I did have plans later that night and I did not want to go to jail.

This positive was negated by when on the way back home, Landon warned me about this huge patch of ice, but there was this girl walking towards us with this tacky skirt (the best way to describe it is if someone ate a clown wig and then threw it up in the shape of paisleys), and because she was large, there was so much more skirt to appreciate so I was entranced. Next thing I know, I’m looking up at Landon from the ground. My knee instantly turned black/blue. Looks hot, doesn’t it?
Why I shouldnt Smoke

More to remind me why I quit smoking was when I was looking at my hair, and noticed a silver hair (oddly enough, it’s straight too), and then I got paranoid (hmm, wonder why?) that I was aging overly fast. Landon thought it was hilarious, because he started going silver when he was 19. I made him come with me to Liquor Lyles that afternoon for some two-for-one’s, to make the pain lessen. I ended up forgetting my card at the bar and even though we went back and I got it, it legitimately sucked. I could deal with losing my keys and my phone around the apartment, but that’s just too much.

So there you have it… I think I’m tapping out of any greenery, and I’m taking ginko bilboa to offset any short term memory loss so I don’t forget this time.

28 comments:

Captain Flak Paperpants said...

Weed, weed, go away. Come again some other day!

James L. Swanson said...

I smoke so much weed, it's not even funny.

You know why? Because THE MAN doesn’t want me to do it, man. THE MAN says I shouldn’t smoke this shit, man. THE MAN wants to keep me down. And that’s not cool, man.

That’s not cool, bro.

harx said...

My drinking injuries can sooooo beat out your weed injuries.

billymac said...

smooth moves spicoli...

somehow this post reminded me of this: "can you hear that??? that's the sound of my skull, I'm soooo wasted!"

C.Rag said...

Your black & blue knee looks like Atlas' anus after his sleep overs with AngryMan.

Matt-Man said...

Just switch to smokin' crack. Cheers!!

B.E. Earl said...

I only seem to hurt myself playing video games.

Wow, that looks really pathetic typed out like that.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Ouch.. leg looks painful. Hopefully it heals quickly, but I'm still glad to see pictures with bare flesh in them :)

captain corky said...

"Since I was a youth, I smoked weed out, Now I'm the mutha fucka that ya read about"

That looks really painful. I hear pot is really good for certain kinds of pain.

Mike said...

You should smoke weed instead of drinking.

Not only does excessive drinking cause silver hairs, but it causes premature wrinkly saggy tits too.

Hey, what did one wrinkly saggy tit say to the other wrinkly saggy tit?

"We should get some support soon otherwise people will think we're nuts!"

Mike said...

I don't know what's worse--killing brain cells with alcohol or killing brain cells with pot.

I've done my share of both types of brain cell killing and I am not sure what's worse. Maybe neither is all that bad and just getting old is what is sucking so much. Hard to say.

What were we talking about? Anyway, gotta go take the cat out of the microwave now.

Malach the Merciless said...

Wow, nice leg. I quit in High School, it made me too lazy

katie said...

oh, girl. the memories. i remember the first time i got stoned. me and my friend Christy, and we all called her Stoner for obvious reasons.

well, we got stoned outtah our minds and we were rolling on the ground laughing at nothing. but the nothing was so fucking hilarious! and i am rolling on her and my ribs are about to explode cuz the laughter wouldn't stop. we both thought we were gonna die. Stoner kept screaming, "you gotta fuck off, man!! i'm gonna die here!" which of course made us only laugh harder.

anyways, it was a total trip.

Hope that knee heals up real soon, g-money!

Beach Bum said...

Damn, I did the same thing once on ice but I just hit my head. Never affected me, just nothing there to hurt. But I put a dent in the road.

Hungry Mother said...

If I ever would have smoked weed, it would have been cool to be so drunk and stoned that I would have been catatonic, but completely aware. Not that I would ever have done that.

Stewie said...

(the best way to describe it is if someone ate a clown wig and then threw it up in the shape of paisleys)

Best description ever. I immediately got it.

Simply Curious said...

I'd give it a quick kiss better, but I don't want to leave a big red mark on your knee. Then again, it might look pretty meshed with the black and blue.

R.E.H. said...

The ban of gray hairs...

I've got them at the temples, and the occasional ones popping up a little here and there on my head - standing out like silvery neon signs proclaiming my impending old age.

I might go all woman, and start to color my hair nice and brown, so I look 20 again...

That knee looks painful!

AngryMan said...

Welcome back to the reservation.

Anonymous said...

U suck at life!

Anonymous said...

Actually, now that I think about it, I suck at life! I'm on this blog, of someone I profess to hate and I even pretend to be some douchebag writer, all in an effort to seem less pathetic. I spend so much time here, possibly because I have no one that loves or cares for me, or who can even stand to hang out with me. Hell, now I can't even manage a good insult, so I bring on the weak sauce. I wish i "sucked at life" as much as you do Tequila; with your friends and your good times... *sigh* I'M SO FUCKING LONEEEEELY!

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Damn that looks painful!

Might want to have that bad boy X-rayed.

Tink said...

Hoop and I were both pretty big potheads when we were younger. As a tradition, we've smoked twice a year for the two year span we've been together. The last time we did it, we were painting and I managed to paint everything but the walls. I woke up the next morning, inspected my handywork, and agreed that it's a really good thing we don't smoke all the time.

unsigned said...

All of those substances make you age faster. The more you do the worse it gets.

Every year I go to the fair and they have a "guess your age guess your weight" booth. If they guess wrong you win a prize. They always guess under my age by at least four years.

One year there was this woman smoking a butt and holding a flask in her hand. The guy guessed her at 38. She flipped out because she was only 26. Everyone in the crowd agreed. She honestly did look 38. Nobody wants to look "used up."

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Unsigned: well i guess it's good i dont smoke anymore, work out, drink lots of water and take vitamins. i dont think the silver hair had anything to do with my re-usage of pot or drinking. but thanks for the douchebag comments!

TED VELVET said...

I quit smoking weed cause it was bad for my...............uh..........ummmm...........memory. yeah, it's bad for that... if you like rememberin' shit.

Anonymous said...

rabble rabble your tool of a roomate has nothing better to do than track url's? sad oh so sad Landon.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

ANONYMOUS AKA CALVIN CRUSTITRON: dude, why do you hate landon? because he got laid when we went out and you didnt?

anyway, it was me that tracked you not him. dude, get back to work. before i sabotage you at work more than i already do.