Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Got Wang?

I think I might be getting sick with a fucking cold. Staying out late last night drinking and singing Dio at Old Chicago's karaoke probably contributed. No matter what it was, I dont feel like doing a legitimate post today. But, I figured I should give you greedy sonsofbitches something, and this site that has the funniest IRC quotes EVER. I always knew something wasn't kosher about Harry Potter...


Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
Let's see the results...

"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything
A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. " Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls
"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"
The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.
He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

I have found, definitive proof that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all:
"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he? O_______O
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang
Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

24 comments:

R.E.H. said...

That's the end of Harry Potter for me... no more! And, if and when I have kids - they will NOT be allowed to read any of J.K. Rowlings work!

Feel better baby... I'm bringing some soup and my chapstick.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I always knew Dumbledore was a homo.

C.Rag said...

I knew Harry Pussy Potter gave hand jobs for spells.

TED VELVET said...

silver stuff shot from his wang. he's even got magical spunk

The Doggy Did It said...

Oh now you have gone too far!!
Harry Potter is the coolest!
I want his wang.

Mike said...

Yes, but does Harry Potter own my magical flip flops?

I sincerely fucking doubt it.

I came down with that awful fucking cold that is going around. Actually it is not a cold at all. It is the Bubonic Fucking Plague.

Chuck said...

LOL yep....I knew there was something a bit gay about the whole Harry Potter phenomenon and it's not just their English accents.

Malach the Merciless said...

Tequila Mockingbird is my love
I never meant to hurt her
I flagellated my self with barbed wire
I am at your mercy

Beach Bum said...

Well that blows me away, I always just thought Harry was banging Hermione Granger behind Ron's back.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Good luck the crap that's going around sucks big time.

AngryMan said...

This will more or less make up for putting up less pictures of your drunken debauchery.

harx said...

Harry has some fucking issues...

Ginormous Boobs said...

Ban this book!

Baba Doodlius said...

Substituting "wang" for "wand" in Harry Potter - somebody has entirely too much time on their hands. Pretty darned funny, though, in a weird, disgusting way.

Bee said...

That has to be the funniest thing I've ever read!
EVER!

moooooog35 said...

OH. MY. GOD.

I've just come to the realization that I'M MAGIC!!

..now..to find Claudia Schiffer.

Tink said...

LMFAO!

It doesn't get any funnier than that. I am never going to look at Harry the same way again.

captain corky said...

It would break my heart if me wang ever got snapped in half. What would I do... Where would I go?

Beach Bum said...

Was curious to see who my mate at Carolina Parrothead was reading as well as me - that's how I got here - and I'm glad I did. Weidly enough "He Try Parrot" is an anagram of Harry Potter - spooky , eh? Is RUNYON's still on the go over there. Feckin nice chicken wings if I recall...

billymac said...

that just might be the coolest pic... ever.

Malach the Merciless said...

Malach has give out his first ever blog awards, and you have won one, congrats!

FOUR DINNERS said...

They should make one with pics for the perv market.

I'll take 20 and flog em at my daughters school

Colonel Colonel said...

This would make a very interesting underground video...

Un[Censored] said...

Sorry i'm late, folks.

I MISS YOU WOMAN!!!

*sigh*

This was hilarity...

-Crys
http://peopleirrit8me.livejournal.com