Friday, March 21, 2008

What's Your Headline?

The other night over dinner, we were discussing sex and Landon said “Good sex smells like sweat, blood and poo.” Though I disagree (seriously Landon, WTF?), I told him he should use that for his match.com headline. That got us talking about what other headlines would be fantastic to have on there. Here’s what we came up with:

  1. “I got bored with Porn”
  2. “My wiener is crying, please soothe away the pain”
  3. “When stalking just ISN’T enough”
  4. “This is cheaper then a well-made blow up doll”
  5. “Once you start shaving your ass crack, you don’t stop”
  6. “The state says I’m fully rehabilitated”
  7. “Want to see my stuffed animal collection?”
  8. “Save me from being a sexual predator!!!”
  9. “What foreign objects may I stuff into your holes?”
  10. “How keen is your sense of smell?

Feel free to add your own. This is all for today folks; I have a cold that has reared up again (turns out binge drinking doesn’t help your immune system no matter how many vitamins you eat), and it’s snowing like gangbusters here. Have a good weekend celebrating the rising of our Lord and Savior.

drunk bunny

If you aren’t sure how to celebrate, Calvin Crustitron and I came up with a Easter egg coloring drinking game. There’s a couple different ways it can be played (improvisation is your friend with this one I think); our game plan was for everyone to have a drink, and there would be a timer set for 5 min, and in that time you drink your drink and color your egg. If the timer goes off and you have not finished your drink, you must finish it immediately and take a shot (something colorful of course). We figure everyone will end up trashed, covered in vinegar smelling pastel colors before the dozen eggs are finished.

UPDATE: Harx has come up with a great way to commemorate that the Easter Bunny died for our sins and then rose again, to be able to lay multi colored chocolate filled eggs:

As far as Easter goes, I'll be celebrating with an Easter Beer Hunt. One person paints up cans of beer and hides them, then everyone goes looking. What you find is what is yours, the only rule is that you must drink the last beer before looking for another.Works best if you have a 12-to-1 beer-to-person ratio, but tell everyone it is only a 3-to-1 ratio

24 comments:

Captain Flak Paperpants said...

"I'm a level 3 sex offender! What level are you?"

Anonymous said...

"If it's okay with the state legislature, it's okay with me."

harx said...

"The dripping stops if you kiss it."


As far as Easter goes, I'll be celebrating with an Easter Beer Hunt. One person paints up cans of beer and hides them, then everyone goes looking. What you find is what is yours, the only rule is that you must drink the last beer before looking for another.

Works best if you have a 12-to-1 beer-to-person ratio, but tell everyone it is only a 3-to-1 ratio.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

"My mom says I'm a great guy!"
"Love of farm animals a plus."
"Ugly guys try harder in bed!"
"Want to join my WOW Guild?"

"Great personality, you'll get used to the rest."

"Set your standards low and I'll never dissapoint."

"Got tired of masturbation so here I am!"

moooooog35 said...

I've used these:

"Come check out my mole."

"Give me a shot. If it doesn't work out, at least I got laid."

"Take a chance on me. Because this penis isn't going to suck itself."

No hits. Go figure.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Harx: HOLY SHIT, i'm fucking coming to texas, that game pwns.

Ron: NICE. i dont always respond to comments, but i couldnt ignore that fanfuckingtastic list.

Ginormous Boobs said...

Somewhere in my profile, I always include:

"I like long walks on the beach...after anal"

captain corky said...

37 and still live with my parents, but the basement's all mine! And for those hot Summer nights... there's air conditioning!!!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Ginormous: ive found the long walk on the beach is better BEFORE anal... really relaxes ass muscles

Eric & Pug said...

“I was the warden’s favorite.”
“I got out for good behavior.”
“Registered sex offenders are just people, like Soylent Green.”

Jack the pug wants to hump Harx.

AngryMan said...

"If you like being put in an underground network of tunnels that you can't escape from because you are chained up and also don't get fed for days at a time, call me!"

Malach the Merciless said...

Art School Favorite:

"Wanna see my portfolio"

I suppose you could use that for a 401K comparison too.

"Don't worry, my outbreak isn't until next week."

And I used to have a t-shirt that said:

"Luv 4 Sale; $5.95 and Hour"

or another favorite

"IT PUTS THE LOTION ON IT'S SKIN OR IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN!"

TED VELVET said...

"you supply the astroglide, I'll supply the fist"

happy spring

Jay said...

"Gas is too expensive to cruz the jr. high schools anymore."

"I'm dying to try out these new anal beads."

"Just cum over and blow me and leave." .. oh wait .. that's for the gay sites. ;-)

"I'm unemployed, so I'm available anytime!"

"I get these urges."

"Cum and enjoy the best three minutes of my life."

"I can afford whatever you charge." .. that one works. ;-)

Ginormous Boobs said...

Jay: Those unemployed guys turn me on. I like a guy who is available.

buffalodickdy said...

Beer hunt will be fun in the snow! At least the beer will be cold...

R.E.H. said...

"I'll always leave you wanting more! Because I'm inadequate..."

I liked the beer hunt game... Must try that out some time ;) But, I'm still weary after my last drinking session, so I think I'll take it easy during the Easter holiday.

Pan/Thanatos said...

Haha, great stuff!

How about...

"15 2 20 is just a number."

"Gender not necessary"

"Bring your kids to work"

Mike said...

How about "You can fuck me with or without being duct-taped and thrown in the back of my windowless van. The choice is yours, but either way you are going to fuck me."

FOUR DINNERS said...

I always thought Jesus was a rabbit.

That possibly explains a lot.

white rabbit said...

'My pet stoat likes to join in'

B.E. Earl said...

My headlines:

"Head lice only make the lovin' that much itchier"

"If you suck my ass, I promise not to fart that often"

"That third nipple...don't touch it. Ever."

katie said...

Hope you had a great holiday weekend, T-Bird! These comments are too funny!

Slyde said...

"“Save me from being a sexual predator!!!”

outstanding!