Monday, March 3, 2008

This Will Be a Big Shocker, Folks...

As bloggers, we put ourselves out there to entertain and as a way to reach some sort of catharsis. However, when we open up our lives like we do, people who we never wanted to find the blog, can and sometimes do. For example, Lawyerman’s parents found mine and read the infamous chicken post (the comments were particularly harsh on that one too). It was not the cause of our dissolution, but it did not help a tense situation.

More recently, someone who didn’t know me very well came across the blog (I should probably stop mentioning my blog in passing; it turns out I’m the first hit when you google “douchebag of the month” DAAAAAAAMN YOU GOOOOGLE!), and I totally get how I must seem to someone who doesn’t know me… I look like a raging alchy. And I’m not, but I don’t post the average and boring daily activities I do, so readers only get to hear about my interesting shenanigans (that yes, frequently involve drinking).

So instead of talking about my drunken mini golfing at the Mall of America on Friday night or the burlesque show I attended in NE Minneapolis on Saturday (where I allegedly made out with one of the burlesque girls), I will instead tell of my not as exciting doings.

  1. Landon and I went shopping for curtains to replace the Spanish whorehouse curtains (as much as I love random people walking past on the street to be able to see in and watch me doing the elliptical, I think it’s time for a change.
  2. My coworker Calvin Crustitron and I are growing clovers we got for a dollar at Target. We’ve been thinking that since they are Irish, maybe they would grow better if we gave them some Guiness or Jamesons. But that sounds more like a home project than one for work.
  3. I tried fried pickles for the first time on Saturday at Stella’s; yes, I know it sounds gross, but it was awesome, especially with some ranch dressing.
  4. After living with me for a little over a month, Landon has found out exactly how much I shed. Because my hair too curly to brush, it tends to get everywhere. Even though I have never been anywhere near his balls, he said he found a long, curly reddish hair wrapped around his them in the shower. NICE!
  5. I started reading Stephen Colbert’s “I am America and so Can You” when he was off the air to get my fix of his “truthiness”, and I’ll definitely recommend it to all of you.
  6. I saw a play this weekend, “What’s Done In The Dark”. If it comes near you, check it out.
  7. Landon and I are learning how to cook together. This weekend we made veggie beef soup, and it turned out fanfuckingtastic.

So there you have it folks, I’m not THAT off the reservation, and actually do somewhat regular things that do not include drinking. I feel better now, don’t you? I’m glad we had this conversation.

28 comments:

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Way to go on the normal everyday activities!! Woo Hoo!! Yeah!!!

Jay said...

Well it is good to know that you are a normal person sometimes, but I really, REALLY want to hear about you making out with the burlesque dancer. ;-)

Mike said...

Yeah, okay fucking great. Now let's hear about lesbian midget wrestling while drunk!

moooooog35 said...

FYI:

I found one of your long, curly reddish hairs wrapped around my fried pickle.

...in case you were looking for it.

(I also believe this satisfies Mike's request about your midget wrestling story)

C.Rag said...

That's the main reason why I don't show any pictures of myself or say my real name on my blog.

It could come back to hurt me like lube-less anal sex.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

c.rag: i've been thinking of taking the pics down. i dunno wtf to do about it. but it's not cool anymore.

B.E. Earl said...

Tequila - Don't you go changin' {wink}

The Doggy Did It said...

I say fuckem!

Now let's hear the real story!

AngryMan said...

MINI GOLF!!! You went to play mini golf and you didn't invite us?!? You will pay, Tequila, you will pay.

Malach the Merciless said...

Boring Boring Boring, JONESTOWN!

Baba Doodlius said...

Right there with you on Colbert's book. I no longer have an ass because I laughed it off.

katie said...

oh, whoa, wait a minute! i must hear about u and the dancer!! screw that bullshit! i want the details. email me asap!!! ;)

anyways, yeah, so what you drink a little? so the hell what? you are the one and only Tequila Mockingbird and all. Don't go changin', my dear! Your blog rocks my world!!

R.E.H. said...

Wow! You surprise me Tequila! You actually have a "normal" side to you as well? Now, you really are the complete package!

By the way... you will never make me eat fried pickles - yuck!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

REH: i swear they are awesome tasting. id never lead you wrong.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I'm bored. Do you have any drinking stories?

I kid, I kid.

Hungry Mother said...

Great stuff! I knew you'd be a great writer when you sobered up.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

HUNGRY: heeey.. i was a good writer while drunk... i may have gotten my inspiration while drunk, but i always wrote while sober.

and who said anything about me quitting drinking?

billymac said...

don't change a bit... that would suck...

BTW, if you like fried pickles you might like boiled peanuts... I still don't get how people can fucking eat those POS's!

Preposterous Ponderings said...

They like you for who you are or they can kiss your lily white ass!

Just my opinion.

captain corky said...

You're not really an alcoholic?!?

There goes my dream of winding up with you on skid row some day...

C.Rag said...

I will miss seeing your boobs, but it's safer. If old people like LawyerMan's parents can find it. who else is looking for it?

Even on Facebook, we avoid pictures that could be used against us. I know it's extreme, but I don't want CockMaster sitting for a hearing for a judgeship & they ask him why there's a pic of him at a party getting a blow job from some redhead while chugging from the beer bong.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

c.rag: hot, youre on facebook? i'm not, but i'm on myspace... it caters more towards narcissists and pedophiles.

harx said...

So what's up with "Shocker" in the title of this post but no action in the meat of it???

Thomas said...

Fuck the normal
Go with the weird and the drunk.

I want to hear more about the making out with girls part

TV

FOUR DINNERS said...

If you are normal I will be very upset ;-)

Midleah said...

Now I'm depressed.

Somebody fetch me a beer.

C.Rag said...

I was myspace. I got rejected because I had naughty pictures. I could have created a new account, but that takes work.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

c.rag: i do it mostly to keep up with my fla homies, but i make sure that it's not connected to my complete name so that prospective employers cant find it. same thing with the blog. if you do ever create one, add me. i'm on malachs myspace.