Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Move it or Lose it

Yesterday I had the distinct displeasure of moving. In general, this is not a fun task, but it was worsened by the fact it had been a warmer 40 degrees during the weekend, so the snow had melted, and then Tuesday it was 30 below, so that froze up to make a slippery spots of bust-your-ass-death on the sidewalks. I guess this is why people don’t move in the winter; in Fla this was never an issue. But, as Calvin Crustitron says, moving is like having sex for money; it sucks bad for a half hour, but then it’s over.

Despite me moving on the worst day of the year, this was a good thing. I had been sharing an apartment with
randoms from craigslist, and it wasn’t a big deal because I was never around. But once my situation changed with Lawyerman, it actually mattered, and I found out what scum merchants I was living with. For example, I’m pretty sure the obese gay man I live with was peeing on the shower curtain; it sure as hell smelled like it. At the same time my situation changed, The Novice was going to be moving out of the apartment he and Landon shared, so I offered to take the room.
moving


Luckily, I was only moving from one end of Uptown to the next (and actually, a better part, within walking distance to more bars), still this required a truck. After a desperate search, Calvin Crustitron had a friend who had one AND would help me move (I accused Landon of purposely being out of town on business so he wouldn’t be forced to participate). Still not anticipating the move in the frigid cold (we even had some arctic wind action), I cowboyed up, took two shots of ketel one and put on my long johns. Calvin’s friend was built like a spider monkey, sort of short but with a ton of upper body strength, formerly in the navy. Awesomely enough, Calvin’s friend not only works for the price of a bottle of Captain Morgan, but he’s also my neighbor and will be throwing a party this weekend. We are hoping to hook up Landon with one of the girls that lives in his house. Not only did I get help moving, but I gained a new drinking buddy.

The operation was overall successful, no thanks to the douchebag in my building who stole my (umm, well actually Landon’s) large can of mushrooms we were using to prop the door open. I hope that assbag gets botchelism. Also, I figured out why it was so fucking cold in the apartment on Monday. The Novice left the windows open. Dude, what the fuck? But at least he left us with his Spanish whorehouse curtains. Christ, I don’t know what we would’ve done without those.

Spanish wh0rehouse

30 comments:

gerald said...

if you look out through one window curtain with one eye and the other window curtain with the other eye, the world outside will be in 3D.

harx said...

What's wrong with peeing on the shower curtain???

Captain Flak Paperpants said...

I used to WORK as a mover. Now, that really sucked.

harx said...

Whoa! You had a whole CAN of mushrooms?!?!?

You guys party hardcore.

Midleah said...

I have those curtains...

C.Rag said...

Moving in the hot humidity sucks too, but there's no fear in busting your ass.

"...having sex for money"
I don't understand this concept that getting paid to have sex sucks. It works great for me.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

How did you even shower in the same tub as Mr.Pissy! That is just fucking gross he'd even do that.

Why do men think they have to pee in the shower?

moooooog35 said...

Thanks for letting me in on the curtains.

I was wondering why there were so many Spanish guys in my house.

Now I know.

Mike said...

Dood! Spider monkeys aren't short. They're long and lanky.

They hired me to correct your mistake.

Hire is the wrong word. Promise not to fling poo at me is more correct.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

I always wondered what the inside of a Spanish whorehouse looked like.

Leighann said...

Nothing says 'job well done' like a bottle of booze!

Matt-Man said...

The pain in the ass of moving is exceeded only by watching and listening to Rachel Ray giggle while drizzling EVOO over her Sammy, while throwing shit into her GB. Auggggghhhh. Cheers!!

billymac said...

Dude, spanish whore-houses look totally different than that on the inside, plus, they have spanish hookers in them... none to be found in your room. Now that would be a nice welcome present.

Jay said...

The day I moved to San Antonio it was near 100 degrees with 90% humidity. The day I moved from SA to Arkansas the temps were in the 90s again. I'm thinking about trying out that 30 below action on my next move so I can do a comparative study.

I guess moving in the early spring or fall would be a better idea. But, I'm not smart enough to think of things like that until it's too late.

Mike said...

I don't pee on the shower curtain. That's for fucking amateurs. I pee on my wifes scrubbie thing.

What? People actually pay money to get Urine skin treatments. My wife gets them for free.

Hammer said...

Some people think pee gets mold off the shower curtain. Wrong!

Alcohol always helps relieve the pain of a move. Glad you got into someplace better and had help.

FOUR DINNERS said...

'Spanish whorehouse curtains'?

My kinda place.

He pissed on the shower curtain????

Even I leave the shower curtain alone.

Wardrobe, bedside cabinet, bed, wife....but NOT the shower curtain!!!

B.E. Earl said...

I pee everywhere except the shower curtains.

One has to have a bit of self-control, eh?

R.E.H. said...

Hey! I didn't know you were moving! Are you trying to escape my stalking you?

It's hard work moving... and in the freezing cold it's even worse.

Enjoy your new place, and your new drinking buddy!

katie said...

I have those curtains in my house, Tequila! Oh, how you insult me!! hehe. :) almost the weekend, girl. hope your wednesday has been wacky and wonderful, man.

Malach the Merciless said...

I am in love with Natalie Dee

Buzzardbilly said...

Moving always sucks. I used to get pissed off really easy; therefore, I used to move ALOT. At least once a year every year from the time I was 18 until I was in my mid-30s. Some years, I moved as much as four times in one year.

Been in the same place for 8 years now. I hope I die in this house because I never, ever wanna move again.

A Girl, A Boy, and Me said...

Eeew! You shared a shower with guys????

(lol)

Glad you have a new apartment!

Chuck said...

Moving in that kind of weather is just crazy. You must have been drunk! On the other hand, those curtains are hot. Looks like something out of a Pottery Barn catalog! lol

buffalodickdy said...

Moving is a pain. Moving to a better situation is a little better...

AngryMan said...

Peeing in the shower? Gross.

Slyde said...

wow, i feel for you. Moving ALWAYS sucks, but to do it in freezing temperature must really suck balls....

Hungry Mother said...

I always pee in the shower, and sometimes pee in the sink. That's one of the perks of being a guy, we don't give much of a shit where we pee. We'll sometimes sneak a little pee in the mooge.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I'm glad you got moved successfully.

I'll bet you're a hell-a fun roommate.

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