Thursday, January 24, 2008

Darwinism as it Relates to Meth Addicts

While walking from home to various bars, I encounter meth heads from time to time. It can be -17 degrees, and there’s some meth head that is wild-eyed and looking not just warm, but downright toasty, begging for money. Despite the poison they put into their bodies, they still persevere, going without sleep for days and needing no sustenance; hell, if you can cook it up in a bathroom, why wouldn’t it be a healthy to ingest? Anyway, this got me to thinking, what if we isolated meth heads on an island?

Yes, I understand this is not the line of thinking most people have when coming into contact with meth heads, but then again I don’t exactly think like average people. Back to my original idea, if we put together a colony of meth-heads (what, it’s not like they were being productive members of society anyway… well, except for the truck drivers), I think some serious Darwinism would occur. After 10 generations, they would probably develop into beaver-like creatures, all of their other teeth falling out except the front ones, and develop super jaws from grinding their teeth. Instead of wood, they would build their dams out of light bulbs and old pipes.
Beaver


Other animals and even humans have adapted to fit their surroundings, based upon their needs, which makes me think meth heads could evolve to be more like beavers. My main point is, with the way meth heads will give up everything to have their precious meth, what makes anyone think that they would stop just because they are on an island?

25 comments:

harx said...

You'd have to give them an island with a drug store, otherwise where would they get their Sudafed from?

billymac said...

i think they just made the move "i am legend" about this... they were kinda like deranged meth-heads that screamed instead of talking and got burned by the sun.

Atlas Cerise said...

There is no Darwinism, only Jesus. So only if Jesus chooses to make them beavers will the meth addicts change.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Hee hee... there was a picture of a beaver, hee hee. Achem.. They could do contests to win some meth and the loser would be voted off and have to go to rehab.

Scott said...

The scary thing is you're probably right about a lot of truckers being men of meth. That is a little scary when they are in charge of accelerating 80,000 pounds to 75 mph! When I was a locksmith I had to unlock a lot of semis. Truckers are strange folk!

moooooog35 said...

I'm feeling bad for the meth-guys, as most meth-girls blow guys for the money to buy their meth.

This does not bode well for the meth-guys if the meth-girls have giant beaver teeth.

Lots of meth-scarring and meth-bitch-slapping.

Survival of the fittest, I guess.

Doc said...

They wouldn't have time to "Darwinate" they would blow up and burn down the island in no time flat.... I'm just sayin'

TED VELVET said...

that would be a good game show, TWEEKER ISLAND, it would make lord of the flies seem like summer camp.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

What's this? Tequila Mockingbird has a faculty for satire?

I'm getting into you, TM.

katie said...

no meth addict is an island, dear Tequila. or some shit like that. i don't know...thought i had heard that somewhere. anyways, you are very wise in your young age. an age i would give my right ass cheek to be again. oh, to be 23 yet again.

anyways, thought provoking post. and i always love a good beaver. who the hell doesn't?

Mike said...

Only a few more years until retirement and then I plan on becoming a full blown meth-head.

Fuck social security. I won't even fucking need it cause I'll be in your house stealing your TV while you are at work.

Hungry Mother said...

You've just insulted all of us beaver lovers, but you did it in a nice way.

Malach the Merciless said...

Yes, major problem is who would be in charge on making and distributing meth?

RockDog said...

This post, my dear sexually charged drunken friend, is an instant CLASSIC!

I love this thought and think we should give it a shot!

Buzzardbilly said...

Jesus, what a concept! Seriously. If you got them all on one island, you could tell them there was meth on another island far, far away on the horizon and they'd figure out how to build a bridge to it.

Do that enough times and we could walk around the world.

Buzzardbilly said...

Either that or the strongest meth head with the meanest meth jones would build a boat from the bones and skins of the vanquished.

Either way that's good tv.

Jay said...

I say we put them all on Iceland. Or at least some island near the Arctic Circle. Why should meth heads get good beaches??

Beach Bum said...

Coming from the more stranger part of the South I've meet a few colonies of people that separated themselves deep in the backwoods for only a few generations and I have to admit Darwin just didn't have any idea how bad shit can get. Some of the people I've met ain't got nothing on a meth head. Inbreeding is the ultimate experiment in evolution.

Chuck said...

Yeah I'm seeing a reality show in the making here! Someone call Fox quick.

Meth chicks give great head, or so I've heard....

C.Rag said...

So you've come into contact with Amy Winehouse

AngryMan said...

I'll start the fundraising.

R.E.H. said...

Now... here's a shot of a beaver - and you talk about meth heads?

While they may stick things inside, and squirt something out the tip of that thing... this was not the beavers I expected to read about.

Colonel Colonel said...

Just putting Amy Whinehouse on a desert island would be an advance for Civilization.

FOUR DINNERS said...

Jesus was a beaver?

I think I need to stop drinking now....

buffalodickdy said...

Redneck cocaine... Who would they panhandle from? Where would they get the fertilizer? They wouldn't need dentists, that's for sure...