Sunday, January 27, 2008

I'm Cripplicious Baby!

This weekend was chock full of some surprise hilarity. Keeping in mind I had been drinking throughout the movie Cloverfield beforehand (those people who bitch about the movie making them motion sick need to STFU, because I saw it while intoxicated and felt just dandy), and then before going to the bar we did some more pre-drinking, the 4 block walk to Old Chicago was certainly a drunken one. Awesomely enough, we saw a crutch in the trash; I’m still curious about the back story… did someone drink enough they didn’t feel the pain anymore? Did someone get mad and take someone else’s crutch away? Were they just using it to get pity from bar whores and it wasn’t as effective as they thought? Ohhhh the possibilities! Of course I decide to take it out of the trash and comically hobble around with it, screaming and moaning about how I hurt my leg in ‘Nam.
CrutchMcCripple

Notice the look of pain upon my face. Eventually that wasn’t as funny, and I had been hobbling for close to a block now. I’m like “fuck this!” and lean my crutch against the passenger window of an SUV. About that time Landon notices that there’s a guy in the driver side of the SUV who doesn’t look real amused. We both are like “OHHHHH SHIT, RUNNNNNNNN!!!” luckily Old Chicago was super close. I can only imagine what people watching thought about it. Chick on a crutch, leans crutch against car, then starts running.

I almost wish the crutch had still been around when we were trying to walk back. I had so much I thought I might pass out in the booth. Landon, being the understanding douche he is was like “DRINK IT!!! DON’T WASTE BOOZE…” of course I somehow managed. Fortunately, the waiter we had that night has a thing for me, so he makes our personal pizza slightly wrong so then we get a free one.


One last thing to add from this weekend; saw this painted on top of the hood of a Saturn. WTF? a blue llama?
Saturn

19 comments:

RockDog said...

Blue llamas are a clear sign you have drank too much

C.Rag said...

Blue llamas are a sign you didn't drink enough.
Also you should begged for spare change or offer to show your tits for spare change.

R.E.H. said...

Maybe the dude in the passenger seat of the SUV was the owner of the crutch... would explain him not running after you ;)

And, I love that blue llama hood. Llamas in da hood! Yeah, I'm trippin'.

TED VELVET said...

you look like a peg legged pirate whore. and that's a lamb on that car get your shit straight. Jesus, I hate when people think it's a llama painted on the hood of a car but it's really a sheep. That kind of indifference and lack of animal knowledge is really maddening. Get your shit together.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

OK the crutch was just totally not scoring me any bar whores so I tossed it out, now you know the truth.

Beach Bum said...

Never drunk enough to loose a crutch. But did pass out under a bridge in Colorado Springs and wake up missing my shoes.

Blue lamb on a car hood? Now that really deserves a backstory.

Malach the Merciless said...

Hey it's Eli Manning's latest girlfriend!

Mike said...

Crutches are a great way to get sympathy pussy from hookers. Works every fucking time.

Not that I really know anything about that or anything. I'm just guessing.

katie said...

oh damn! tequila your escapades crack my shit, man! you are the hottest gimp on a crutch i have ever seen. that pic is excellent.

Jay said...

“DRINK IT!!! DON’T WASTE BOOZE…”

Hell yeah! That alcohol abuse if you waste it!

The llama is damn cool. Seriously, i want one of those on my car.

Chuck said...

I've seen blue llamas in my dreams and they're scary as shit. Is it just me or do you look a little like Bo Bice in that picture? LOL

Buzzardbilly said...

Lamb or llama shit. Why does it have a pump knot on its forehead? Could it be: baby goat wif nubbin horns?

You totally should've kept the crutch.

AngryMan said...

I think it's time for the Blue Llama award!

Tink said...

Whoa @ the blue llama. Maybe the car belonged to this douche:

http://www.bluellamastudios.com/

Real Live Lesbian said...

Blue Llama lovers UNITE!

WTF?

Hungry Mother said...

The blue sheep in Ireland have just had a taste of some ram cock, maybe it's some similar deal.

Matt-Man said...

Damn I dig that. I wanna get a crutch myself and party with you. Cheers!!

Preposterous Ponderings said...

How do you know that crutch hadn't been up someones ass?

Blue Llamas are cool!

Bruce, a work in progress said...

Maybe Minnesota will become the new Lourdes. You may have narrowly missed a miracle. Someone may have been healed and thrown down their crutch just before you came by. Nah, probably not.