So, I took a look at my email inbox, and after sifting through unrequested dick pics and pleas for the posting of my tits, I decided to answer some reader questions.
Q: Are you really like this in real life?
A: Yes, to some extent. I do tone it down at work and other places where decorum is required, but I'm pretty much a whole bag of chaos. Hell, this weekend at the bar, I forget what I was saying, but some guy was like "damn girl, you have enough balls to play rochambeau" I took it as a compliment, and said I would play as long as I could go first. Anyway, at the very least, I am always entertaining. I have some bartenders who let me drink free because of this quality. and my killer rack.
Q: What is your biggest fear?
A: Squid. I saw this show recently about these huge goddamn squid that seriously fuck people up. They have hooks on their tentacles and are legitimate bad times. Granted I live in MN now, but still. Who knows when they will Darwin their asses some legs and get up on shore to spray you in the face with ink.
Q: What are your visions for the future?
A: Having my liver regrown like scientists did for a rat heart. They even got it to beat, so they *Should* be able to get my new liver to filter out booze. Ted Velvet suggested in a comment to me, that I should get a new liver and then put the old one in a glass jar to take out drinking with me. That would be one hell of an ice breaker at the bar.
Q:What are some of your favorite things?
A: raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens. HAHAHAHA! Only kidding. I love being unintentionally correct. It makes the victory all that more satisfying. Like for example, when I was playing scrabble a couple months ago, and pulling words out of my ass. I got challenged, only to find out that the word was real. WELL FUCK ME IN THE ASS AND CALL ME JANET! Of course I played it off with the obligatory : " I told you so! How dare you question my mad word skillz?!"
Q: Do you believe in magic?
A: Absolutely; A bar tab. It magically makes douchebag attributes go away and allows me to continue talking to some pompous, self-important, vapid idiot. At least until I remember I brought my flask.
So there you have it folks. I didn't actually know how people would recieve me when I started this, but apparently I am as well liked as a slutty girl on prom night. To thank everyone, I am posting below the recipe of what is in my martini shaker. Also, feel free to ask me more questions you are burning to know the answer for.
- 2 parts Apple Pucker
- 2 parts kettel one
- 2 parts Motts apple juice
shake it up with three ice cubes (hey your burning calories to offset the incredible amount of sugar!) and garnish with a marachino cherry