Thursday, September 27, 2007

That is what your bedroom is for...

I am pleased to report, as this month is coming to an end, my new roommates are working out well. One never knows when we meet them on craigslist. So far there has been no waking up with someone watching me sleep, I have found no shower cams, and my laundered underpants are not mysteriously sticky and/or crusty. They aren’t a bad couple of guys; one is obese and gay, which means I hide my food and my lube, but that's not TOO bad. The other is super quiet and always working on his peace of shit car, so I fully expect him to ask me for a ride at some point. It could be worse; even though my apartment is like my bat cave, and I am only there to sleep, I had a disturbing episode with my former roommate (also from craigslist).

I had came home early and was taking a nap. My roommate parks in the back, and I on the street, so he never sees my car. We were never really close, and other than polite chit chat when we pass each other, we were relative strangers. Don’t get me wrong, he was a nice enough guy, but it's not like we were ever friends; although his frat boy friends were always trying to get me to drink with them... THAT’S a recipe for getting train ran on me. I think I will pass! Anyway, I wake up, thinking I'll make myself a sandwich, and when I come out, there is my roommate, furiously beating off to softcore porn on TV. And by furiously, I mean he is choking that chicken like it owes him money, so much so his brow is furrowed and sweaty, and his face red. The look on his face is classic! His eyes get big, and he jumps up and starts running to his room... However, to reach his room he must pass me. I try to get out of his way, but he was trying to side step me, so for a moment, we engage in this dance, him with his still hard dick in his hand, and me with my laughter that I cannot hold back. My peals of laughter echoed through our garden level apt, and his shame followed him into his room.

20 comments:

Malach the Merciless said...

Oh my goodness, who embarassing . . . he probably had this crush on you too.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Did he ever get to finish?

C.Rag said...

Only softcore? What a pussy!

Phoebe Fay said...

I knew there was a reason I never liked having roommates. I don't want to be tripping over any wangs that I wouldn't want made available for my own pleasure.

Sara Sue said...

So how big was his cock? How long after that did he move out?

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Malach: very distinct possibility.

Prepon: the only sound i heard coming from his room afterwards was weeping... so possibly.

C.rag: that he was. it was the "showtime" porn they show in the middle of the night. laaaaaaame.

Pheobe: agreed, only personal wangs are appreciated flopping around in the middle of the day in the living room.

sara: it was mediocre. nothing spectacular. and actually i moved out, because it was a short term lease to begin with.

Colonel Colonel said...

After Senator Larry, and a few incidents like that, perhaps Craig's List needs to change it's name before it becomes another one of 'those' phrases...

"What happend, did your roomate go postal?"

"Naw, but he Craigslisted all over the couch. EEW.

AngryMan said...

Tequila:
You could have at least helped him finish the job to lessen the embarrassment. What happened to giving a helping hand? COME ON!!!

FOUR DINNERS said...

That is the funniest fuckin' thing I've read in yonks.

I got caught bashin' the bishop as a kid by my mates mother. She just stood there and looked so I thought fuck it n carried on.

Weird but fun.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

colonel: luckily it wasn't my couch.

angryman: i am not an asian woman, hence i do not give happy endings. especially to my room mate. he was kinda tall and goofy looking...

four dinners: glad you are a fan. that's awesome that your friends mom just stood their and watched.

TED VELVET said...

when beating off to soft core porn it is fairly customary to work that shit pretty hard. It's not dirty enough to get you really going so It takes a lot more work. as for getting caught? totally planned.It 's just like a chick wearing a low cut blouse and then getting "mad" that you stare at their tits. They want us to look so I always oblige. He was probably hoping for a real hardcore encounter.

jedimacfan said...

I would have never moved out except for the fact that you tried to trip me when I tried to run to my room.

Mike said...

Ahh the pleasures of youth. I remember when all it took was softcore porn. Now that I am old, it takes really hardcore porn, a nun, a penguin, a couple of school girls, a wrench, and a peanut butter sandwich on rye.

Enjoy it while you can kiddies.

Pope Benedict XVI said...

I wonder how many angels he killed with that action?

Mike said...

Popey...It's not Angels. You should know this stuff.

Sideon said...

"...I mean he is choking that chicken like it owes him money..."

BEST.
LINE.
EVER.

AngryMan said...

Tequila Mockingbirg:
You should sitll be polite.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

ted: "a hardcore encounter". that's cute.. like a three legged puppy.

jedi: i did not try to trip him. perhaps i should've, but then he might have broken his wang.

pope and mike: you both are wrong. it is puppies.

angry: so YOU are telling me if you caught a roommate you were non-sexually involved with beating off in your living room, YOU would personally help him? lieeeeeeees!
sideon: it was quality, agreed.

AngryMan said...

No, I would do that if I were a chick because at that point, my help would be welcomed.

Kevin said...

I have never jacked off in a place where someone (like a roommate or parent) could just walk up on me. Always always ALWAYS locked in the bathroom or locked in the bedroom.