Thursday, September 20, 2007

shhhh... don't tell carrot top I said this...

I was watching “Last Comic Standing” last night (they really know how to make 30 min AT BEST of comedy stretch into two hours...) and I saw Carrot Top once again. I had seen him on Flava Flavs roast a month back, and was instantly seized with a "WHAAAAT THHHHHE FUUUUUUUUCK?!" seizure. He was rippling with muscles, practically leaking out botox, and wearing more eyeliner than a 14 year old gothic girl. The muscles are obviously not natural, and a product of steroids… ok, I get that part because everyone always picks on him, so why not bulk up so he can beat some ass if someone tries to mug him at the Flava Flav roast?

What totally befuddled me was the botox. Generally, when I think of people prone to use botox, it’s ladies growing older that try to recapture their youth and stay in the spotlight. Granted, he is 42, but he’s not a woman (made even more obvious by his unnatural muscles and rope-like veins in his neck) and he was never REALLY a star. Even when they introduced him last night it wasn’t as the ‘famous star of comedy Carrot Top’… no, it was as ‘the recognizable comedian Carrot Top’; there is a vast difference between being a recognizable comic or a hilariously funny comic. What exactly is Carrot Top trying to hold onto with the botox? He wasn’t exactly a ‘pretty boy’. No amount of black eyeliner would change that.

I better not say anymore, because with all those steroids he’s taking, if I piss him off he might go ‘roid rage on me and beat me to death with one of his props.

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12 comments:

Preposterous Ponderings said...

I think he is gender confused and doesn't want to be outdone my Michael Jackson.

What's the deal with the plucked eyebrows??????

Pope Benedict XVI said...

Now, that boy is handsome, send him to the Vatican . .

C.Rag said...

Carrot Top would look good w/the Pope's red hat.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

totally. cover up that god awful hair. i wonder how small his dick is now that he's on roids? i dont imagine it was huge before...

AngryMan said...

That is the scariest fucking thing I have ever seen in my life. Did you catch Carrot Top's appearance on Family Guy?

Tequila Mockingbird said...

i did. he was a scary bastard there too. if i had children or kittens, i would be afraid he would come eat them in the middle of the night.

Malach the Merciless said...

Hey Tequila, I followed the post you put on the Pppe's blog, Like you stuff, even though your are 12 years younger than me, you think and post about similar things. Good Job, I am adding you to my blog roll tonight.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

you fucking rock. i need to start a blog roll. ive only had this beast up for about two weeks, and it was down for two days of that, but i've got an amazing about of traffic. i saw your blog too. if i was a dude, it would've given me a boner.

Malach the Merciless said...

Well then that would be kind of gay

Arthur Fonzarelli said...

Ah, Carrot Top.

My brother met him in college. He was on the university's entertainment committee and they booked him for a show. Years later I get free tickets to see his show at Mystic Lake. Entertaining enough, but I won't shell out whatever it costs to see his show at the Luxor in Vegas.

But someday I will rent "Chairman of the Board." I just have to know. The only movie I've seen him in is "Pauly Shore is Dead," and he's in it for about 10 seconds, and that short appearance is hilarious.

He has been buffed out for more than a year at this point, but I never noticed his botox, and I missed him on the finale of Last Comic Standing, mostly because I missed the entire run of the series. I'll have to see if his LCS appearance is on youtube.

Anonymous said...

I know for a fact he's not on roids. just cause somebody wants to do something good for themselves or get "ripped" everybody thinks they're on roids. Had he been on them his physique and chest would look much different

Anonymous said...

He is definetly on roids, or maybe on hgh, anyway, it doesnt really matter, if ya wanna get big and strong beyond ur genetics use roids.