Monday, September 10, 2007

why should a baby shower include sobriety?

Recently I went to a baby shower (which was more like a “WE’RE KEEPING IT!” party, as that had not always been the case in the past), and because these events are more often than not more boring than watching congress when there aren’t political scandals, I was not enthusiastic about going. It’s always the same cutesy games, cooing over baby clothes, and women who have given birth before talk about the disgusting things their body does before, during and after childbirth. As much as I enjoy hearing how much their placenta weighs, I thought I should bring mr flask, as he has made other not-so-exciting events much more bearable.

So there I was in the kitchen, infusing my lemonade with liquid goodtimes, and a friend of mine sneaks up on me, startling me to where i almost drop my flask on the floor, which could have turned an innocent baby shower into a brawl.
ME: “EXACTLY! It’s a reason to celebrate! Don’t sneak up on me again, you almost made me spill the festivities. Why shouldn't I be drinking?”
HER: “Well, drinking is bad for babies”
ME: “I am well aware of this. I’m not going to offer it to _______, and I know I am not pregnant, so unless there is some proof that my breath can cause a baby I am not carrying fetal alcohol syndrome and you are done being holier than thou, I’m going to take my drink in the other room”

side note- my breath HAS been strong enough before that the B.A.C. could possibly do such damage, but this was not one of those times.....

She made a sound similar to that of a hog being choked by leather belt. and why shouldn't there be free flowing drinks at a baby shower? We have drinks at other monumental occasions in our lives; birthdays, weddings/engagements, promotions, housewarmings, anniversaries, holidays…. Why not at a baby shower? Just because the soon-to-be mother cant? That’s like saying just because someone at a party is lactose intolerant we shouldn't serve ice cream. It’s the same retarded logic. I talked to the mother-to-be after the party, she agreed, and said if she gets knocked up again, she’ll be sure to have drinks at the baby shower. I'm optimistic.
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The Valley of the Dolls said...

no drinks at a baby shower is just plain rude

Brian Stanfill said...

Let me be the first to wish you a happy September 11th.


Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha ha love the baby t-shirt!