Unauthorized Customer Service

Sometimes I don't think people have enough fun with life at the simple things, and take every day activities entirely too seriously. I feel that I must find every opportunity to incur good times, otherwise there is much i could and would miss out on.

For example, when I go to target, I like to wear red shirt and khackis (as most of you know, the employees do as well). I like to aimlessly walk around, but never with a shopping cart because that gives it away. Constantly I am bombarded with people asking me where to find stuff. The conversation usually goes like this--
Customer: where can i find the pet food?
Me (after an exasperated sigh): I think you should learn to be self sufficient and find it YOURSELF!
Customer (quizzically): Excuse me?
Me (with a helpful smile): I don't want to encourage your dependence on others, and instead want to foster an attitude of self reliance.
Customer (with deepening scowl): That's really rude! Have you been drinking? You smell like vodka! I AM TALKING TO THE MANAGER ABOUT YOU!
Me: YOU GO DO THAT, I DON'T FUCKING CARE, YOU HELPLESS WASTE OF FLESH!

The look on their face is priceless. I like to leave the store very soon after that, though... I would really like to hear how the conversation with the manager goes. Good luck to the employee that in any way resembles me working at area targets.