Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Glamorous STD's!

I’m sure all of you folks have seen the ads for Valtrex, it’s that magical pill that will keep your outbreaks to a minimum and keep you from spreading The Herp to your snuggle buddies. They have these fantastic commercials where everyone is having a blast kayaking, hiking, and sailing; hell, I don’t even have crotch rot and I don’t have that much fun in the outdoors. It almost makes me think that if I skanked out and got a case of The Herp, I might enjoy life more. ALMOST. I think it is a very dangerous thing to glamorize STD’s. Next thing you’ll hear about on dateline (other than the Pope molestering more children), is teenagers peer pressuring each other into getting venereal diseases, because ‘all the cool kids are doing it’.

What bothers me the most about these commercials is their fact that 70% of people who got herpes, got it while their partner wasn’t having an outbreak. THIS MEANS THAT THE OTHER 30% KNOWINGLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE WHO HAD SORES ON THEIR GENITALS…. What the fuck?!?! If someone, not matter how hot or kickass they were, has lesions on their naughty bits, I would not fuck them with Angryman’s dick. I understand that alcohol and substances account for part of this percentage of bad judgment, but that doesn’t encompass everyone that is ate up with The Herp. This means that there are skeezy people out there, who in the process of hooking up with someone, looked down saw a scab and/or open sore and said “well, that doesn’t look pretty, but I’m gonna take a run at it anyway”…. That is a flavor of desperation that will leave a helluva aftertaste.

There is also a group of people who start dating someone, find out they have herpes because that person admits it, yet still go forward, full steam ahead. My friend was trying to rationalize it to me “but he’s a really nice guy, everything that I’m looking for, and if we use condoms, I MIGHT not get it;” sexually transmitted diseases are not an area where I want the word “might” to play a role. I don’t care how much I love you, or think you are a whole bag of awesome, no one is worth a lifetime of the shame that comes with filling a valtrex prescription every month.


Phoebe Fay said...

I knew this guy who desperately wanted to do the whole "swinging" thing so he goes to AdultFriendFinder looking for lust. He was arranging his first "play date" with a couple when the guy casually mentioned that both he and his wife had herpes and asked "if that would be an issue?"

An issue? You think?

(And btw, I think that was his last attempt at the "lifestyle." He went back to just being your run-of-the-mill asshole sex addict taking his chances with random women. Because if he was going to take the herp back home to his fiance, he'd catch it the old fashioned way, out of pure, stubborn ignorance.)

Colonel Colonel said...

Well Thank Gawd that kids are no longer getting their sex info from the internet or in back alleys; now they have a really trustworthy and completely neutral source of information- multinational drug companies.

Just whatever we do, let's keep sex ed out of the schools- after all, if we don't say the word "sex" in schools, no kid will ever want to do it.

Sorry. That was my Rant #437.

But that is nutty- advertising that makes herpes sexy. Maybe Bush outta hire those guys to sell the Iraq War.

Malach the Merciless said...

What a turn on:

"by the way honey, I have herpes."

Anonymous said...

Crotch rot! ha ha ha ha ha ha

Can you imagine going down on someone only to come eye to groin with festering sores? OMG!!!!

It would almost be as bad as getting eyebrows full of crabs.

Pope Benedict XVI said...

Pray, Jesus will rid of you your leprosy, yes, yes

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Phoebe: i'm a traditionalist where STD's are concerned too... and when did being an old fashioned sex addict go out of vogue? now it seems unless there are whips, chains, ball gags and a japanese spin fuck chair involved its considered boring.

colonel: same reasoning with people thinking their kid wouldnt be a 13 yr old prostitute without myspace. it's called shitty parenting.

malach: totally; ultimate aphrodisiac.

Prepon: you get a M.F.G.S. (MotherFuckingGoldStar); best comment ever. EYEBROW CRABZ, ROFL!

pope: dont pray to him, he might give you the HIV instead. he created that scourge, remember?

Colonel Colonel said...

Eyebrow Crabz are great- the guv'mint could use them in an advertising campaign, if they were not so interested in teaching "just say No".

Oops, sorry, Creeping toward Rant #253.

However- had I mentioned lately that the teen-sex rates among those who sign those Fundi-Xian "Pledges" to abstain from "The Dirty" are just the same as all other teens?

Oop. That was Rant #175.

We need somebody like Malach to do a graphic for Eyebrow Crabz Man.

Beach Bum said...

I think it is a very dangerous thing to glamorize STD’s.

I've been having a problem with how the Big Pharmaceuticals glamorize their products as the best way to deal with anything in life for along time. Whether its STD's or nice little drugs to keep the kids quiet so they don't disturb mommy's tennis lesson or daddy's golf game.

Thanks for stopping by my site, I'm adding you to my link list.

Sara Sue said...

I had a comment, I really did, but once I read PrePon's my eyebrows started itching so bad I can't think of what it was.