Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Why i do not trust non drinkers

Occasionally I encounter people who do not drink. Almost immediately I am filled with a inherent sense of distrust towards them; there's something they aren't telling me....what skeletons reside in their non-drinking closet? and of course I always assume the worst.... I could certainly never date someone who doesn't drink, despite it being cool to have a designated driver all of the time to cart my drunk ass around (and there are times when that would be useful, and economical, as it costs almost 20 dollars to park my car in downtown all night).

Their reasons for not drinking usually indicate why they would be shitty to date. If they are recovering alcoholics, that means they are weak and don't know their limits. If they don't drink because they are angry drunks, that usually translates into them having a volatile temper, and during a fight are prone to hauling off and backhanding someone over an argument regarding what to have for dinner. If they never really got into drinking from lack of immersion, then they are boring and afraid to try new things. they might also have trust issues, because they don't trust themselves to occasionally drink and not develop a problem (not to mention being cheated on often for being so goddamn boring).

Top 10 important reasons not to date someone who doesn't drink:

10. they smell like dryer sheets, not all sexy and delicious like rum.

9. they never think it's a good idea to go play in the ball pit at McDonald's at 1 am
8. the sex never lasts very long either (i truly believe drunk sloppy sex has a bad rep).


7. they always say lame stuff like: "why are you dancing, there's no music? or get off that table!"
6. they take you to parties and functions that are without a full bar.
5. non-drinkers usually aren't down with buying you $50 of drinks in uptown.
4. a non-drinker could never appreciate my renditions of lynyrd skynyrd at 3 am at Denny's.

3. when someone who doesn't partake in libations wakes up, that is the best they will feel all day; how depressing. no amount of coffee can change how awful THAT is.
2. people who don't drink always want to leave the party early... WTF, Tom is just putting the lampshade on his head, why would i want to leave now?!


1. and most importantly when will i get the chance to write on their face "I LOVE DICK" with a sharpie?

55 comments:

Brendan said...

Hey. Glad to know about about the peach drinking tips. I have yet to really explore the peach-flavored drinks craze: far too little peach schnapps, no fuzzy navels, nothing at all remotely peach flavored. But I live near the red dragon - so I assume there's some peach flavored cocktail death there. Maybe in the winter.
Hooray for the Twin Cities!

Brendan said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dave said...

Why the fuck are you hanging out with non-drinkers???

Jon said...

"why are you dancing, there's no music?"

I have been asked that question way too many times.

The Valley of the Dolls said...

Non Drinkers are worse then terrorists

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Both women and men may feel the difficulties of maintaining their wardrobe up-to-date and in season, yet men's style often feels a lot less complicated. Of program, for both sexes, outfits and style choices may be equally as delicate, and there are lots of'modern'items that can quickly become fashion faux pas - who are able to say they often see people walking on in 70s flares? On the other side, men's style includes a few choice things that can exist forever - which man is planning to look out of position with a good-quality, tailored suit, for instance? Pick basic pieces, colours and fabrics and you'll never seem out-of-place.

Why basic men's style is amazing

The classic man's suit has hardly changed for over a hundred years. True, there are many versions for different functions, but they are all common in their pursuit of a clever, sharp try to find the wearer. The neat thing about common fashion for men is that it is simply trendy efficiently cool. A well-groomed gentleman can more often than not look his sharpest in a well-tailored suit, and this can be a testament to the style of such apparel. A suit will undoubtedly be worn to work in several occupations because of the professional look it affords to the wearer, instilling a feeling of respect and trust. Equally a match will undoubtedly be utilized to several social occasions, like a tuxedo to a black-tie event. This extraordinary versatility which allows suits to be worn in virtually all situations is what gives it its timeless side and a permanent invest men's fashion.

Contemporary trends in traditional men's style

Though basic men's designs will never be changed, it's interesting to note that shifts in men's fashion trends have brought particular common clothes back in fashion. The recognition of vintage clothing, specifically, has had back a wide-variety of basic styles into men's closets, such as that of the dandy man. 'Dandy'is a term used to make reference to men who dress in a classic yet lavish way, acting in a polished manner and placing value on appearance. This trend for nearly'over-the-top'classic style for men is evident from events such as the'Tweed Run', where men and women of all ages clothe themselves in significantly Victorian-style attire and take to the roads on vintage bicycles - with many of the men sporting impressive mustaches! This really is just one of many types of data showing the resurrection of such variations. There are also numerous sites online which concentrate on gentlemanly type - such as'The Dandy Project'and'Dandyism'- as well as complete web sites such as'The Art of Manliness'dedicated to giving articles on basic men's fashion and grooming.

In conclusion, though certain facets of basic men's fashion may be brought back as new styles, the basic outfits which they are derived from will never slip out of fashion.

"All it will take certainly are a few simple outfits. And there is one key - the easier the better." - Cary Grant

StyleGun is an online men's fashion retailer with a complex twist.
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