Friday, September 21, 2007

VOMITioaifdjgdiogdjfaoifhdgiod

I am seriously ill today; sooooo this post may not be as much of a sparkling gem. Partied with some friends in Bloomington last night, and about shit my pants. There I am, drinking my margarita, and the tornado sirens go off. With my chemically induced paranoia, a few fears popped to mind first, as I am not from the Midwest, thus unaccustomed to tornado sirens. 1. I thought jesus was coming back, and I’m like “crap, I’m wearing jeans, he’ll never rapture my ass now!”; that and all those gay jokes I’m constantly making about him and those 12 dudes he always hangs out with 2. I thought it was possibly an air raid, and the goddamn communists were coming to fuck us up. So I’m trying to pry off their crawlspace door, figuring with that extra protection, I should be totally fine during a nuclear holocaust. I bet I could hardcore beat some zombie ass if I needed to, though.

My friends assured me it was just a tornado siren. Laaaaaaaame. Honestly, if there were REALLY a tornado, I’m pretty sure I would hear it coming. Not just the wicked witch’s cackling, but everyone says it sounds like a train. No matter how drunk I am, I’m downright positive I would hear that shit.

Anyway, so eventually I took a ‘nap’ on their futon, and woke up about 3:30 with the realization I needed to go home. While driving back to uptown Minneapolis, I noticed the other drivers. Being way after bar close, all of the drunks were off the road, instead there were an abundance of methed out truckers. I can’t really say that much about MY quality of driving, as I was vomiting into a walmart bag in my lap, but I could practically see the blood vessels bursting in their eyes.

Ughhhhhhhhhhh I feel awful, and I keep burping up this vile mixture of mango rum, tequila, pineapple juice and pizza rolls. Who wants to make out?

10 comments:

Malach the Merciless said...

It was the Commies . . .. WOLVERINES

Pope Benedict XVI said...

1. Christ loved all men
2. I hope you were drinking his blood

Tequila Mockingbird said...

i think i drank everything BUT his blood. besides, with all of that 'loving of men' he does, he could have the HIV...

Colonel Colonel said...

"I keep burping up this vile mixture of mango rum, tequila, pineapple juice and pizza rolls"


Man, you gotta stop hanging out with the Bush twins.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

I do believe you will have a hard time finding someone to make out with you considering the condition you are in. LOL

Nothing ever tastes the same coming back up as it did going down.Does it?

C.Rag said...

Jesus was actually into little "men". That's why the Pope works for him.

AngryMan said...

How bout I just do you from behind while C.Rag watches?

here today, gone tomorrow said...

oh, I'm so glad those days are over...

Sara Sue said...

LMFAO! "vomiting into a walmart bag in my lap"

What are people like us going to do when they outlaw plastic?

matchchatter said...

i only use paper vomit bags