I am seriously ill today; sooooo this post may not be as much of a sparkling gem. Partied with some friends in Bloomington last night, and about shit my pants. There I am, drinking my margarita, and the tornado sirens go off. With my chemically induced paranoia, a few fears popped to mind first, as I am not from the Midwest, thus unaccustomed to tornado sirens. 1. I thought jesus was coming back, and I’m like “crap, I’m wearing jeans, he’ll never rapture my ass now!”; that and all those gay jokes I’m constantly making about him and those 12 dudes he always hangs out with 2. I thought it was possibly an air raid, and the goddamn communists were coming to fuck us up. So I’m trying to pry off their crawlspace door, figuring with that extra protection, I should be totally fine during a nuclear holocaust. I bet I could hardcore beat some zombie ass if I needed to, though.
My friends assured me it was just a tornado siren. Laaaaaaaame. Honestly, if there were REALLY a tornado, I’m pretty sure I would hear it coming. Not just the wicked witch’s cackling, but everyone says it sounds like a train. No matter how drunk I am, I’m downright positive I would hear that shit.
Anyway, so eventually I took a ‘nap’ on their futon, and woke up about 3:30 with the realization I needed to go home. While driving back to uptown Minneapolis, I noticed the other drivers. Being way after bar close, all of the drunks were off the road, instead there were an abundance of methed out truckers. I can’t really say that much about MY quality of driving, as I was vomiting into a walmart bag in my lap, but I could practically see the blood vessels bursting in their eyes.
Ughhhhhhhhhhh I feel awful, and I keep burping up this vile mixture of mango rum, tequila, pineapple juice and pizza rolls. Who wants to make out?
seriously!
About Me
- Tequila Mockingbird
- Minneapolis, MN, United States
- People either hate me or love me, there is no in between. Most people love me and find me entertaining at the very least. I can drink an exceptional amount of booze and bring legitimate good times wherever I go. Sometimes I like to say innapropriate things just to see people's reactions. I think average or "normal" is overated and that being ordinary is one of the worst disservices a person can do themselves. I crank this out, much like a redneck cooks up a loved batch of meth in the bathroom of his trailer. Enjoy... it will be just as addictive, like meth, only you get to keep your teeth!
Visits Since 09/02/07
Awards. Because I'm Narcissistic Enough To Think I Deserve Them.
10 comments:
It was the Commies . . .. WOLVERINES
1. Christ loved all men
2. I hope you were drinking his blood
i think i drank everything BUT his blood. besides, with all of that 'loving of men' he does, he could have the HIV...
"I keep burping up this vile mixture of mango rum, tequila, pineapple juice and pizza rolls"
Man, you gotta stop hanging out with the Bush twins.
I do believe you will have a hard time finding someone to make out with you considering the condition you are in. LOL
Nothing ever tastes the same coming back up as it did going down.Does it?
Jesus was actually into little "men". That's why the Pope works for him.
How bout I just do you from behind while C.Rag watches?
oh, I'm so glad those days are over...
LMFAO! "vomiting into a walmart bag in my lap"
What are people like us going to do when they outlaw plastic?
i only use paper vomit bags
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