Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The Corporate Cocksuckers at General Mills

A friend of mine was bitching the other day about how General Mills have shrunk boxes and kept prices the same. I was shocked she wasn't aware they were corporate cocksuckers, and that is just their brand of greedy whore magic. General Mills isn't some mom and pop business that cares what consumers need. They are so big that if you choose not to buy their goddamn cereal, there are a metric ass ton of people who will, and they continue to thrive. This is all common sense, and there is a bigger issue about boxed cereal that bothers me; besides, I do my part by giving them the finger every time I drive by their headquarters in Minneapolis .

What pisses me off is that there are hardly ever any fucking toys in the bottom of the box. Now, it's all this send away bullshit that needs three UPC's and a check or money order for 2 dollars. Fuck that, I am not nearly that patient. I want to dig through my Lucky Charms with the zeal of an old time miner trying to find gold... All to get my plastic piece of shit that will probably break. I don't care if it's a choking hazard to small children. If they don't see it and end up eating it and choking to death, their parents should have been watching them closer and obviously don't deserve to have children. But if they are older and beyond needing parental supervision, hey... fucking Darwinism at it's finest. They would've probably grown up to be a dumb ass or become a corporate cocksucker working for general mills, and Judas H. Priest we certainly do not need more of those.

15 comments:

Preposterous Ponderings said...

What is up with that?! It is so friggin stupid to have to send in UPC's along with money orders.

Heck if I am going to go through that much effort I might as well just go to the local dollar store and buy my little plastic toy there.

GM doesn't deserve my time or my money!

Phoebe Fay said...

Why shouldn't they reduce the size of the boxes? They've been reducing the amount of real food, nutrition and taste for years. Eventually they'll just sell syringes loaded with chemicals and tell people it's waffles, and people will buy it.

C.Rag said...

L’Eggo my ChemoEggo.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Prepon: agreed. it makes me want to send a bag of dicks along with my UPC's and money order for them to suckle upon.

Phoebe: they will. they already have a sausage on a stick, wrapped in a chocolate chip pancake. i think eating dog poo *might*
be slightly more healthy.

C.rag: this explains why my skin is yellow and hair falling out in clumps...here i thought it was from excessive drinking....

Colonel Colonel said...

I was going to mutter something about the toys in the boxes being useful for Natural Selection, but you covered that too.

And I think it's a good point- since they eliminated the toys in the boxes, there are a lot more Republicans around. I had blamed the widespread use of child safety caps and the deterioration of the Ozone layer, but maybe it's the cereal.

Damn You to Hell, Cap'n Crunch!!

Pope Benedict XVI said...

You should eat the Vatican new Cereal, Corn Popes! YES!

Jon said...

They don't have toys in cereal anymore? Now you're going to tell me there's no Hanukkah Harry.

Well if that's the case my most prized cereal umm... prizes ever were my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cereal bowls which came attached to the box of the shitty cereal of the same name.

I don't eat cereal anymore, but I still rock those bowls at all the formal dinner parties I throw, which is a substantial number.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Colonel: maybe we should put bits of sharp metal in there to thin the herd. that might really put a dent in the republican population. or like bob barker used to say: dont forget to have your republican spayed or neutered...

Pope: i dunno about your cereal. me thinks you should make one using communion wafers. instead of milk, we could put wine on it. i'm all for anything that incorporates booze, especially in the morning.

Jon: no, they dont have fun toys in cereal. maybe a book or some learning CD you throw away, but nothing to actually play with.

of course i linked you, you have a great blog, and you deserve more traffic. however, if i am ever in boston, i expect you to invite me to a dinner party and there better be an open bar.

Colonel Colonel said...

There's no Hanukkah Harry???????

Cash said...

If you want to survive the revolution, which is on its way, then you need to stop with all the foul language. It's not prudent. Also, I hate birds, so you're in a lot of trouble.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

AngryMan said...

Stick to Cracker Jacks.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Colonel: Santa broke Hannukah Harry's kneecaps with a crowbar for moving in on his territory.

Cash: i could make some lame joke about using foul language because im a fowl, but i wont. and as for you hating birds, you can suck a bag of dicks. XOXOXO

Angryman: cracker jacks are vile. it's like popcorn covered in fecies. YOU can stick to cracker jacks; feel free to give me the trinkets that come out of the box, though.

Sara Sue said...

Hey ... can I get a bag of dicks to suckle upon?

Sideon said...

Uhm - I've said it elsewhere, but since when is "cocksucker" a bad thing?

I think a proper term of utmost disgust would be "dead gramma fucker" or something vile like that. But cocksucking? That's only a good thing.

Oh - love the name "Tequila Mockingbird" - hysterical!

(came here through Sara's site)

I'll hush now.

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