Monday, September 24, 2007

Wisconsin Weekend And Why I Need An Abortion

I went to Wisconsin this weekend, land where the ghosts of cheese curds past haunt the asses of the residents in the form of dimples. It was an overall quality weekend, nothing out of the ordinary, other than the signs. I didn’t notice these on the way there because it was dark and I was excited for the coming festivities (a.k.a. drunk). Every 10 or so miles there are these anti abortion signs. I understand that it’s necessary to have nine kids there because many people live on a farm, and since slave labor isn’t legal, the other option is to use your own genetic material to make free workers that can’t really leave.

But what about everyone else, that doesn’t need to milk cows and shovel hay at home? Why cant WE clear out all unwanted uterus passengers? They dont seem to 'get' that even if it is outlawed, it will still happen, only by some guy that is NOT a doctor, in an alley, in his van with a rusty coat hanger. Just like prohibition, when they made booze illegal, it just reduced the quality control and then you had people going blind from their moonshine. It really pissed me off that these self-righteous assholes had the indignation at other people’s wombs to put up these signs. And these were all on main highways and interstates, not shitty little dirt roads, so it wasn’t like these could be avoided by people traveling through.

Granted I have never had an abortion, but seeing these douchebag signs made me want to get knocked up for the sole purpose of getting one. I remember when I was about 17, I asked my mom for an abortion for Christmas. After she stopped freaking out, and I told her I WASN’T pregnant, I explained I wanted it to be like a ‘get out of jail free’ card, that I could use anytime, in case the occasion arose. She wasn’t amused, and I ended up getting a car stereo, not an abortion gift certificate.

Lesson I learned: despite being able to buy booze on a Sunday, I could never live in the shit hole of Wisconsin. I kind of like my reproductive rights without the condemnation. Besides, who wants to have the ever present stench of cheese and ignorance on them all the time?

13 comments:

C.Rag said...

If you haven't already, see Jesus Camp & see how they are breeding Mini-ProLife-Nazis

AngryMan said...

"Abortions some, miniature American flags for others!"

That 70's Show rocks!!!

C.Rag said...

AngryMan,

No cares about your comments.

Colonel Colonel said...

I wish Mama Bush had believed in abortion.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

colonel: dont we all. i think laura bush has been scraped more than the hull of a ship... she saw what can come from that genetic pool that is shallower than a kiddie pool...

angry man: i wish wisconsin was as cool as that 70's show. sadly, it was not.

c.rag: yes, i did see Jesus Camp. legitimate bad times...

AngryMan said...

I went to several Jesus Camps, and I turned out normal. Sure I married my sister, but that's what God wanted!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

i was raised very hardcore christer, and i remember my parents making me go on a mission trip to mexico when i was 16, even though they knew i was an atheist. i was ok with it, because it's a trip to mexico and i spent most of the time drinking and shopping and being on the beaches.
jesus camps never accomplished all that much for me

Malach the Merciless said...

The pope needs an abortion

Pope Benedict XVI said...

You are an Abortion, jus kidding.

jedimacfan said...

AngryMan, the world would be a better place if your mom had just swallowed you.

Sara Sue said...

The brains of the Bush kids ran down Barbara's leg.

AngryMan said...

Jedi:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Never heard that one before! That's the funniest joke ever! You should be a comedian and take over for Conan when he takes over Late Night. You should probably get some practice in by taking over for Craig Ferguson who totally sucks (like you).

TED VELVET said...

I'm going to abort myself in the 1600th trimester