Booze Infused Wisdom

Some of the wisdom that comes out of a night of drinking can be simply astounding. Usually, since my memory isn’t as clear, I need to write it down… this has led to me waking up with barely decipherable scrawls across my hands and arms. But, now we have a chalkboard in the kitchen to capture those sparkling gems that have been produced when the stars and drinks align to form brilliance. Here are some:

• “You know you’re on a date with the wrong person when you make out with them with one eye open, scanning the club for someone better…”


• “One refill does not a tip make” (this was after a drunken Chinese buffet excursion)


• “Best hit the books… No one wants to fellate a dullard”


• “Goatse is our generations walk on the moon… everyone will always remember where they were when they first saw him”

Yesterday it was finally nice enough to do some grilling, so Landon and I brought some drumsticks that I had soaked all day in three kinds of BBQ sauce, mesquite, and garlic powder, and then Hart, his girlfriend, and Jason had pasta salad and spicy brats. We played some cards, and Jason went on a date. We actually had a decent idea of where he was taking her in Uptown, and we toyed with the idea of finding him and having Nicole, Hart’s very very pregnant girlfriend, go up to him on his date and being like “I THOUGHT YOU LOVED US! WHO IS THIS WHORE?!?” but we aren’t totally douchebags.

Instead we went to Bar Abaleine for some two-for-one action and to watch the Wild game. Jason joined back up with us, and I’m not even sure what it was in reference to, but Landon came up with “No need to milk the prostate when you can get the clown for free..” but he said it with such conviction, it SEEMED like a golden nugget of wisdom. And sometimes presentation is everything; the appearance of knowledge can be more valuable than the knowledge itself. So next time a friend of yours is having a bad day, and needs some words of encouragement, take their hand in yours, look at them deep in the eyes, and say: “No need to milk that prostate when you can get the clown for free” and then walk away quickly, before they can ask you any questions.