Friday, April 18, 2008

Even Out The Evening With Thievery

Last night I met my friend Andrew out for drinks and to watch the Wild game at O’Gara’s. It’s a nice old place, with lots of character, so much so you can almost hear the carousing and drunken mick fights echoing from the walls. The bartenders were great. Jill, even bartended in Ireland for a few years; that’s the holy fucking grail of bartending! Both knew how to pour a Guinness properly, one even poured it with a shamrock on it. This may not seem like a great feat, but there was one bar I went to where my Guinness was all head, and although normally I like a lot of head, this bad pour earned the bartender a “LEARN HOW TO POUR GUINNESS CORRECTLY” in his tip line.

Unfortunately, they hid their chicken all the way at the bottom of their nachos. An appetizer shouldn’t be like a goddamn easter egg hunt. This was outweighed by their offering of candy in the bathroom. Thanks O’Gara’s, for helping my breath smell cinnamon-y fresh and not at all like booze! However, they had advertising on the bathroom door. Now, I work in advertising, BUT when I’m going to the bathroom, I want to be left alone. Instead, I was forced to look at a obese pasty white man, nipping out because he was doing a polar bear swim to support some affliction or special cause. Like most women, I do the hover method on public toilets because I’m paranoid of STD’s lurking on the toilet seat. Looking at this flaccid, hairy beast of a man with nipples large enough for a baby to suckle upon, I almost lost my balance, which could’ve meant bad news bears.

So far, there had been two positives and two negatives for this bar. I felt the only way to tip the scales was to bring home a new glass for my collection of pilfered bar glasses. A tear almost came to my eye when I saw this Widmer’s “hops and hoops” glass. It may just be my favorite acquisition!

26 comments:

harx said...

You should try standing at a pisser with an ad, you've only got a couple inches of space between you and whatever they're hawking.

Usually it's some condo complex up in MN, apparently they don't sell well to anyone but Dallasites because every other bathroom in town has the same ad.

moooooog35 said...

Best bathroom I've ever been in was at the ESPN Zone in New York.

Little TV's over the urinals.

I kept ordering beer just so I could continue pissing.

Luckily, there was no porn on...otherwise, I would have pissed all over my chin (like the guy next to me who had the over-under on the game he was watching at his urinal).

C.Rag said...

All my beer glasses are from bars. I even have some from Denmark & Ireland I carried in my backpack.
That's why I only bring a big purse to bars & movie theaters.

billymac said...

the positives seem to outweigh the negatives... if you could only get laid in the place, it would rock

AngryMan said...
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AngryMan said...

OK, C.Rag pretty much stole my thunder. The two of you are probably the same person given your mutual fondness of thievery.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Angryman: better your thunder than your wallet!

Jay said...

That's a pretty sweet glass right there.

I prefer bars that put the sports page up over the urinal in the men's room. That's much better. Although I guess it would be even more useful if they put it in the stalls.

Malach the Merciless said...

MMMMM - Guiness

Tink said...

You collect beer glasses? Brilliant! That's much better than the little sauce dishes we routinely steal. I must go out and buy a bigger purse.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Tink: it's these big MN coats... they have inside pockets great for stealing shit.

The Doggy Did It said...

Oh, I so want a guiness with a shamrock in the head....waaaahhh. I live in Texas, I have yet to see a decent pub.

I also now want to go to the espn zone, and go check out the mens room.

Someday.

I will file that under dreams and aspirations.

TED VELVET said...

nice glass, I haven't stole one in a while, no purse and won't pull a goatse to hide one elsewhere

C.Rag said...

I liberate I don't steal.

AngryMan, how long has it been since you've seen your wallet?

R.E.H. said...

I used to have a lot of beer glasses... and not because I wanted the glass itself, really. But, when closing time and they wanted us out, I used to sneak a glass outside with me... one for the road, so to speak ;)

Telefone VoIP said...
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Hungry Mother said...

I don't eat candy or anything else in the bathroom, but I've been know to output some freshly eaten stuff after too much Guinness. That shamrock in the foam is awesome.

AngryMan said...

Tequila:
I don't know, I'm pretty protective of my thunder and I don't have much in my wallet.

C.Rag:
The joke is "How long has it been since you've seen the inside of your wallet?"

Seraphine said...

Lol, I love that you "pilfered" the glass. I didn't know other people did that too. At least you didn't take it from the restroom. I's a mystery how those errant glasses get there- who would take their drink into the bathroom with them?

jIhAd PuNk said...

I've slept in a lot of bathrooms. Often laying on a floor full of piss.

One time it was a floor full of puke but I won't go there again....

Bet my collection of beer glasses is bigger 'n yours!! ;-)

Real Live Lesbian said...

Candy in the bathroom? Here's hopin' it was wrapped! ;)

I wanna go bar hopping with YOU!!!!

katie said...

god, i love that glass, T-Bird. GREAT acquisition indeed!!

Hope you have a super sunday! :)

B.E. Earl said...

All my glassware seems to come from one pub or another, but I don't consider it theft. I consider it to be war-time reparations in the battle against my liver.

buffalodickdy said...

Neat shamrock trick with the stout...

Mike said...

Nice acquisition TM Bird. I prefer bathrooms with low sinks and or drains on the floor. You know, just in case it is like crowded or something.

Ginormous Boobs said...

Collecting bar glasses is better than collecting STD's any day of the week.