Monday, April 21, 2008

Nose Fisting and Overindulgence in Jello Shots

Normally I try to keep posts brief, but sometimes a weekend of awesomeness is too much to be contained in a few paragraphs; so bear with me. Friday we made smores in the park. FYI- hot marshmallows feel like napalm. Saturday was a whirlwind, with me rushing back to Uptown to make over 100 jello shots at Hart’s house (these were significantly stronger than the last weekend's.. so much so the steam coming off of them burned my eyes). During the process, I slammed three Guinness in preparation for going to the museum for the “Deadly Medicine” exhibit with the gays. Granted, all of the Jew anhilation was a buzzkill, but Nazi douchebaggery is best dulled by chemicals.


















Before we saw that part of the museum, we looked at the displays about different viruses, immune systems etc… FYI- West Nile Virus is pretty (I felt like I could hollow it out and make a nice vase and/or bong) and I learned not to open the little door that on the asian girl’s face—she sneezes out water; Gross. Fisting the giant nose was probably the highlight of my science museum excursion.


















After the museum I had just enough time to run home, change, eat some mac n cheese and run next door. Calvin Crustitron made this awesome shot concoction he called "strip and go nakeds", with half OJ, half midori, and then a shot of beer. The highlight of the party is when someone brought swords; hilarity ensued. Once midnight rolled around, it was officially 420, we celebrated in the little room painted black with the glow in the dark stars. I used a new variation of my jello shot recipe, and I’ll admit they snuck up on me. Some people’s mediums are clay or paint… mine is jello, and I definitely refined my craft this weekend. Eventually, the room started to spin, and I was grateful I wasn’t on the roof with some of the others. It was indeed time to stumble next door to home.


I woke up fully clothed (including my boots), dried jello in my hair, and a headache (that’s a real shocker). A text message at 9:30am from someone who knows me better than I’d like to admit: “The good lord says it must be time for wake and bake.” My response: “The lord knows his shit!” Landon and I went to chinee buffet, and then met Hart, Jason, Troy and the chick he brought with him at Stella’s rooftop for two-4-one blue moons. Being the classy fellows that they were, they came in with a stack of 12 Uptown bar glasses that they had partially purchased and partially stolen. It was a chore trying to keep the staff from clearing the Uptown Bar glasses instead of just theirs. Some random guy came up and asked me what my shirt said and when I told him “If I had balls, they’d be bigger than yours” he said “ok, now I’m going to walk away emasculated.”

We went back to Jason and Hart’s to finish up the 25 or so jello shots left and to celebrate 420 while watching Superbad. We were going to get out on the roof and scream at people walking by, but I’m glad we thought better of it. Jason had told me that if I could sneak-thieve an Uptown bar glass from them and get it home, it was mine. That sounded like a challenge to me. So, Jason, I know you read this, and if you hadn't already noticed your count was off, now you know... I GOT ONE!


It was the kind of weekend that caused me to take and extra helping of vitamins and go to bed last night at 9:30.

26 comments:

Hungry Mother said...

I freaked on Superbad without the Jello shots, can't imagine what would have happened if I'd have had them.

The Doggy Did It said...

I love Blue Moon, Jello shots, and Superbad. Sounds like you had a fun weekend...

The highlight of my weekend was pulling all the weeds in the front lawn. *Snore* I suck.

Mike said...

You look like you really know what you're doing when you fist.

Hmmmm.

Nice jello!

lotus07 said...

This sort of reminds me of my old Martini Experimentation days back in college. It took a lot of trail and error to make the perfect martini.... Sadly, I doubt I could do it anymore, but I am sure you will continue on the tradition with Jello.

moooooog35 said...

I have a fairly large nose.

The fear of being nose-fisted by strangers is exactly what keeps me out of museums in the first place.

That, and the fact that there are usually no strippers there.

It's a toss-up, really.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

My what a weekend... I think my blood alcohol level jumped to the legal limit just reading about your jello shots. :)

billymac said...

somehow i miss college after reading this post.

Baron Von Bunkfingers said...

I like crabs.

Nice blog.

B.E. Earl said...

You certainly can wake up with worse things dried in your hair than jello shots. Lucky.

katie said...

Holy shit, T-Bird! I feel drunk just reading this classic post! fabulous weekend, indeed. I love all the pictures!

Jay said...

Someday you are going to have to do a vlog showing us how the greatest jello artist of our time creates her masterpieces.

Real Live Lesbian said...

You sound like a true jello artist~! What a fun weekend!!!

Mike said...

I am sincerely glad you are drinking what I can't. Thank you Tequila. I do appreciate it.

Oh, and nose fisting? Wow. I learn something new every single day.

Just Sayin' said...

If the crab is any indication... Your balls must be flippin' huge!

I'm just sayin'...

RockDog said...

How awesome are you? Let me drink the ways!

Love your weekend stories, your party stories, and your complete kick assery in general!

Hammer said...

Oh the days of spinning. Jello shots = technicolor toilet water at 3AM ;D

Malach the Merciless said...

That was tick, not a crab, it looked like fun though

captain corky said...

I don't know why I never thought about drinking before being dragged off to a museum. From now on I come here to get all my suggestions for better living. ;)

R.E.H. said...

I can't remember when was the last time I hit the hay as early as 9:30... but after a weekend like that I might be lights out by 4PM ;)

Nose fisting, however, is one thing that I think I'll stay away from...

AngryMan said...

You're becoming quite the little criminal. Have you considered making a career out of it?

buffalodickdy said...

I have a story about Sturgis Biker rally leftover Jello shooters, a Gillette, Wyoming bar, a lost drunk, and many new friends- which I will have to tell someday...

Slyde said...

i've waited all my life for someone to post a story that contained the words "West Nile Virus is pretty"...

you just made my day!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Hungry: the first time i saw it was in the theatre with my flask.

Mooog: there SHOULD be strippers in museums. *sighs*

Warped: i get that a lot. ummm i think it's good?

Baron: i actually got some for real crabs too this weekend-- at the chinee buffet. Mmmm

Jay: this is a good idea... one day.

Mike: I do what i can. i promise to keep the tradition of your binge drinking alive, at least for another year or so.

Just Sayin: let me tea bag you and then you will know the extent of my balls.

Rockdog: thnx.

Hammer: no, i dont get sick, no matter what. last time that happened was when Auntie Cougar was in town and i tried to keep up with her.

Malach: actually, asshole, that's lice. but crab sounded much more interesting. but thanks for ruining the magic.

Angryman: if i do, you can be my lawyer... but i doubt it

AngryGinger said...

Me likes the idea of fisting & jello.
One of them will have to wait until I'm older.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Slyde: i do indeed make dreams come true--i'm like the make a wish foundation, only without the dying children

angryginger: it's never too early to start

Ginormous Boobs said...

Drinking and swords sounds like either a nightmare or a really good time.