Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Like a Drunk Betty Crocker W/ More Cleavage...

Today was potluck at work, and although these events have a high occurrence for craptasticness, we manage to avoid it. I’ll still never understand the appeal of a green bean casserole. It looks and tastes like someone else already ate it, and threw it up. It’s the kind of food that should be regulated to a “two girls one cup” type of situation. So, we had a sign up sheet, but we had to periodically hide it, because one of our coworkers who sells for the lesser of the three magazines we produce is a heinous beast. She treats us all like she knows how to do our jobs better than us, and is just an overall a distinct displeasure to work with. Granted she had some questions when she came in.
Q: “Why is the kitchen full of food and dirty dishes” A: “Well it IS the kitchen!”
Q: “Why is their a crock pot full of chili dip in the copy room?” A: :Why wouldn’t there be a crock pot in the copy room?”
Q: “Why is there a hibachi grill outside?” A: “uhh we were just burning old copies of the magazines…”

Last night to prepare for said potluck, I made cupcakes, Tequila Mockingbird style. The most key ingredient in my strawberry shortcake cupcakes is not love, but a glass with three fingers ketel one, the rest sugar free cranberry, and then a splash of diet ginger ale. Now, normally I would prefer to make my cupcakes from scratch, buuut some of us have more important things to do, like drink and look at porn, so this was not possible. Instead, I got the yellow cake mix, added a spoonful of strawberry preserves, then added more strawberry preserves to the buttercream frosting, and fresh strawberries on top. It’s like I’m Betty Crocker, only with more cleavage and the smell of vodka on my breath.

My cupcakes were a success, and I’ll say this… making hamburger patties at work made me feel like I worked at Mcdonald’s. It was sweet; my job was low pressure and the I didn’t have a care in the world, other than hoping my shift manager didn’t find out I was beating off in the meat (that’s what they do at those places, right?)

25 comments:

Ginormous Boobs said...

Will you be my in-home cook?

And of course, I would require that apron...and only that apron..as the uniform.

harx said...

this is the sort of chef I need.

R.E.H. said...

Topless in an apron? And, tell me again - why are you not in MY kitchen making cupcakes for me? ;)

They do look mighty yummy, what - with them strawberries on top and all!

Leighann said...

REH because she was in MY kitchen, so there!

"two girls one cup" yeah thanks for the dry heaves!

Warped Mind of Ron said...

I want your cupcakes!!! :)

billymac said...

yeah... i probably enjoyed that post more than i should have...

AngryMan said...

What kind of liquor do you think Betty Crocker drank? I see her as a gin type myself.

RockDog said...

That looks great!...the cup cakes too! RockDog likes cleavage :P

Malach the Merciless said...

Wow, I learn quickly from my teacher Ted Velvet, are you a stripper?

Jay said...

You have some really yummy looking cupcakes there. And I'm thinking there actually is a lot of love in them. ;-)

Mike said...

You should have made the cup cakes in a shooter glass and served them out of your cleavage.

katie said...

yeah, i so didn't notice the cupcake in that pic. was there a cupcake in that picture? ;) nice shot right there, T-Bird! you have very nice cupcakes indeed!

Colonel Colonel said...

I'd never really thought about Betty Crocker's cleavage before.

I'm not sure I want to.

I'll just go back and look at the picture of your cupcakes.

Slyde said...

dont you just hate stupid people like that at work? they drive me batty...

now thanks to this post i have to go jerk off to the image of a big-titted Betty Crocker...

Blonde Goddess said...

My favorite dessert is Jello. Cupcakes are nice but Jello is better. You can add Vodka and other yummy medicinal beverages to it and partake of them in those adorable little paper cups.
No fuss...no muss!

AngryGinger said...

Why wear pants?

Hungry Mother said...

When I found out about the beating off in the meat, I became a vegetarian. I can live with a few women abusing my zucchini.

lotus07 said...

Those look mouth-watering....and the cupcakes look nice as well.

B.E. Earl said...

"...buuut some of us have more important things to do, like drink and look at porn."

You mean this isn't a porn site?

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Ginormous: of course. anything for you, sweetcheeks!

Harx: dont we all?

REH: be glad you caught the pic while i still had it up.

Leighann: hey, youre lucky i didnt link the the urbandictionary description of it!

BIlly: it's totally ok.

Angryman: my thoughts exactly: perhaps gin and tonic; i can imagine her breath now... much like pine trees...

Malach: STFU.

Mike: agreed.

katie: Thnx!

ColCol: perhaps you shouldve considered betty crockers cleave. makes her baked goods taste even better.

Slyde: i do what i can to make you feel better about dbags at work.

Blonde: i have done more than a couple posts on my jello shot skillz. but this was for a WORK potluck, and unfortunately we do not drink at work, so i felt cupcakes were more apropos than jello shots.

HUngry: what if it's MEN doing stuff with your zuchinnis?

EARL: not yet.

Mike said...

God Almighty those cup cakes look good. Wonder if my wife will make cupcakes. Probably not. Dammit. I am hungry.

Roland Hulme said...

It took me ten minutes before I realised you were holding a cup cake.

Tink said...

I just want you to know that not liking Green Bean Casserole is totally unAmerican. ;)

Those boobs, I mean cupcakes look yummy.

TED VELVET said...

wow wouldn't it be the funniest thing if I made a double entendre joke about cupkakes and your tits? instead I'll just say this, fuck cupcakes. I like eating pussy.

Meghan said...

Great post, but what did you make? ;)