March's Douchebag of the Month

Yes, I know I’m a little late with this one, but I’ve been busy. Unfortunately, because I waited so long, it’s like dueling banjos of douchebaggery as to what to write about. I’ve even had bloggers nominate themselves for the award, but noooo it’s not about attention whoring. Anyway, so this month the award will be shared. First nomination is daylight savings time. Seriously, what the fuck, it’s not like we are all farmers anymore. I think we need to pick a time and stick with it. This morning when I woke up for work I felt like it was three am. And because I have been stricken with pink eye (guess that’s what I get for all of the skull fucking I’ve been engaging in), I couldn’t get one of my eyes open to check out the clock. As much as I hated the oozing puss coming out of my eye, I was more pissed off that it was time to get up than anything. Side note: Landon has threatened to put me in quarantine AND stop beating off into my eye when I sleep; I told him I hope he continues so that way his dick will seep just like my eye is. Really gets the ladies going!

The other douchebag that gets the award this month is the water treatment companies who hid that there is a metric ass ton of pharmaceuticals in our water. As awesome as it is that fish now have 4 hour boners, low cholesterol, and are happier, it is also turning female fish into males. I think I’m going to start drinking more spring water (because even bottled water isn’t all safe anymore; some companies just bottle tap water) so my chest doesn’t start sprouting hair and I don’t grow some nads (although, it would be super hot to be able to teabag people….)


I know that the pharmaceutical industry says it’s not a problem. And why would they have a reason to lie? To me, it seems they would be the very picture of honesty! But, if it’s not a big deal, then why do prescription drugs in waterways damage wildlife across the nation? At least if you’re going to douche people’s health over, give them a heads up, instead of being a ninja douchebag and having it sneak up on them. And hell, now that I know there’s pharmaceuticals in the water, I don’t feel such a need to go to the docs about my eye. I figure I’ll just splash some tap water on it, and either my eye will starting burning or the pink eye will clear up.