Friday, November 2, 2007

Ninja Shitting

I had an interesting conversation with my new coworker yesterday. Granted, at the beginning of the discussion we laid down the ground rules, that we were tabling all sexual harassment issues and such. He starts out by asking me and my other laid back coworker if we take shits at work. After the laughter stopped, we said, “of course.” It’s a proven fact that when you take a crap on the clock it always is more satisfying.
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He explained the reason for asking is because our walls are paper thin, and when he is filing, he can hear people taking a dump. I asked if it was some sort of fetish, but he said no, but he was scared to take the Cosby kids to the pool because he didn’t want people to hear him. He said he can’t just go in there and do his business, he puts on a show, complete with the sounding of “trumpets.” Sarah, who sits nearest to the bathroom said that she turns on her radio to mask the sounds of the browns going to the super bowl (or sometimes to cover up me getting sick from a hangover); she calls it her “Shit Radio.” I told him he just needs to try to be more stealth about it if it bothers him… Ninja Crapping!

This brought to mind an anecdote LawyerMan told me of when he was in law school, that when they were remodeling the men’s bathrooms, they removed the dividers but kept the stall doors. So you could sit on the throne, and look down at a line of guys
taking the hobbits to Isengard. Why bother to leave up the doors? Were they encouraging the guys to hold hands, in a sort of a men’s Lamaze while they took the brownies out of the oven?

27 comments:

Bob said...

There was this drive in Theatre in Ruskin, FL that had a mens room with two johns side by side, with nothing between them. They were close enough to share a newspaper.

C.Rag said...

I just like to crap on AngryMan's chest.

jedimacfan said...

Sounds like AngryMan and Larry Craig would get along really well.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

He he he funny we both talked about assholes today!

moooooog35 said...

Ah...takes me back to the first time I ever shit out in the open holding hands with a bunch of men.

..boy..prom sure was fun.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Bob: i remember that theatre. ruskin is a dirty place to begin with and that theatre was a tailgate party, sleazy hotel room and theatre all in one!

C.rag: he likes it too.

Jedi: i think larry craig would've liked lawyerman's college bathroom.

Prepon: what a shitastic coincidence!

Mooog: that is not hot. but with you, i somewhat believe you.

TED VELVET said...

I don't think you used enough euphemisms for shitting.
15 years ago I managed a store and a lady cam in and used our bathroom, when I went in there after she was done she had shit all over the floor, the toilet, the walls and even on the ceiling. we figured she must have either shaken
out a pillow case filled with shit or her colosomy bag exploded or she was actually a poo flinging monkey disguised to look like a woman. it was fun cleaning it all up

Pope Benedict XVI said...

What gay brothel of a supposed college did this lawyer man go to?

AngryMan said...

Flat out nastiest thing that I have ever heard of. Sick, sick, sick.

Mike said...

I avoid public bathrooms and prefer just crapping in my pants. It's more healthy and I find it keeps most people away from me.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Ted: you are probably right. i'm sure i could've found more if i had looked. sounds like a great job you had.

Pope Benedict: It either happened at Eau Claire or William Mitchell College of Law. i don't think it was a gay brothel though... you seem really interested in that though...

Angryman: which part?

Mike: ick. my great grandma did the same thing when she got alzeihmers.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

TequiMo,

"take the Cosby kids to the pool?!"

Why don't you just say "pinch off a pickininny?"

Geez, were you born in 1863?

nm said...

New here.....wandered over from nursemyra's.

My bro-in-law....would regularly save his morning dump for the office. First thing.....he'd walk into the toilet...take a shit...and leave without flushing. Always a treat when he'd snap a pic & email it to me. ugh...

Baba Doodlius said...

"Taking the hobbits to Isengard". I can now say that I have heard it all.

I will add this to my repertoire of dump-euphemisms like "drowning a burrito" and the old standby "practicing logrolling".

Colonel Colonel said...

okaaayy... lunchtime!!

or maybe not.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Sagacious: how about you suck on sack of smashed assholes?

NM: welcome. thats a beautiful story.

Baba: i love the logrolling one. i will be stealing it.

Colonel: yeah, my blog is not lunch appropriate quite frequently

TED VELVET said...

great Job? Pier 1 imports baby! all the patchouli and wicker I could get my hands on. The job wasn't great but there were benefits,like, I worked with basically an all female staff who were all in love with me. so it was ok.

Bruce, a work in progress said...

You frickin' kill me. I do occasionally curl one down at work. I swear, I could hang out until ten at night to try to get some privacy and some asshole would suddenly appear and take the stall next to me. It's a plot.

Just Sayin' said...

I have never takena shit at work... Let me revise that, I have never taken a shit in the washroom at work.

I do however leave piles in my boss's office... But that's more of a political statement and not so much a bodily function so it doesn't really count.

Hungry Mother said...

I was a consultant for a company in Harrisburg, PA that had the most beautiful, clean, sweet-smelling bathrooms that I've ever been in, including my home, of course. I used to love dumping in there for $49 per hour and always saved up for when I was going in to consult. So, amend the definition of a consultant to "Someone who tells you what time it is, by reading your bathroom clock while he's taking a shit."

When I was in basic training at Fort Dix, the barrack's latrine had 8 toilets lined up in two rows of 4 with no dividers and the lines of 4 facing each other. It was quite a treat getting the morning shit with your own shift of 8.

Sirdar said...

I dump at least a couple of times a day. Lets see....at $44.71/hour at say 10 minutes at 75¢/minute it is worth it :-)

SagaciousHillbilly said...

You're really into assholes aren't ya TequiMo? Have you done any therapy around that obsession?

Colonel Colonel said...

You have seen the movie Borat, yes?

Morgan said...
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Morgan said...
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LawyerMan said...

Wonderful work of fecal literature.
Actually, the stalls were removed from a dorm building where I did my undergrad work. Dumping at law school without divider walls sounds even more frightening. I recall a professor who made it into the state legislature....

Good work.

Beach Bum said...

So you could sit on the throne, and look down at a line of guys taking the hobbits to Isengard.

Many times while on some deployment when I was in the army the latrines in the field were just that way. While it freaked me, and other newbies, at first you get use to it and just hope no one screws up whatever reading material you might have or the toilet paper.