Wednesday, November 21, 2007

What I am Thankful For:

I am reflection upon what I am thankful for, since it seems it’s that time of the year AND all the cool kids are doing it; what can I say, I’m still a sucker for peer pressure, guess it’s the spirit of a child (and baboon heart) that resides within me.

The biggest thing I am thankful for is the cocktail of drugs I’m on to kill this cold: Amoxicillin, Sudafed, and robatussin. Yes, it makes me slightly dizzy, but it’s so strong I think it’s not only killing the cold, but whatever else might have been plaguing me that I wasn’t aware of.

Coming in a close second to drugs would definitely be cranberry juice with calcium in it. I need my bones to be as strong as possible for any falling down I might be doing, and because one of my favorite drinks is cranberry vodka, I drink a decent amount of cranberry juice. Thanks ocean spray for helping me not become a cripple!

A solid third is the myriad of sites dedicated to showing pictures of
peoples cats dressed up or just with misspelled captions (because cats have horrible grammar, right?) in a comical way. Without these, I would need to fill a large chunk of my workday with actual work. There is even a blogger site with LOLcats and their secrets. You dont even need a cat to appreciate it.
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It may not seem like something to be thankful for, but it is something I no longer need to scream at the skys about; The “Snakes on a Plane” ringtones have finally been put away. It’s taken over a year, but I can say that it’s been a couple months since I heard Samuel Jackson’s voice scream “GET THESE MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES OFF THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLANE” while in public. It was cute the first couple of times I heard it, but I quickly grew weary of it.
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Coming in last, but still deserving note, is the plastic spiders that my coworker Calvin Crustitron and I throw at each other over the top of the wall we share. I cannot count how many times these have saved me, right in the nick of time from a boregasm.

There are many more things I’m thankful for, like for example that my face does not resemble a shoe like Sarah Jessica Parker’s (why do you think Mathew Broderick has packed on the pounds? He’s been trying to eat away the pain). But I will leave it at these few things and wish everyone a Happy, gluttontastic, Thanksgiving. I’ll be off the grid until Monday.

21 comments:

[Un]Censored said...

Wow, I thought I was the only one who thought Sarah Jessica Parker's face resembled a shoe...it makes me feel much better to know that others share this same idea.

Landon said...

SJP was named one of the least sexy stars, thank God! I thought of her more like a horse than a shoe.

Did you draw the snake on the poster? You truly are a "special" child!

Colonel Colonel said...

Plastic spiders are the best. I'm stuffing the turkey with them this year.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Preposterous Ponderings said...

I always thought Sarah looked more like a damn horse!

Happy Thanksgiving Girlfriend!

TED VELVET said...

Cats. what's with all the motherfuckin' cats on the motherfuckin' internet? Sara jessica parker looks like she was genetically engineered to play the violin with her own nose. fug-leeee. and you never responded to my invite to go to Denver. wtf bitch?

moooooog35 said...

Tequila,

For pure, unadulterated comedy of epic, bad-spelling proportions, check out one of my favorite sites:

http://fatchicksinpartyhats.com

My personal favorite entry is on page "Part 1" titled, "You stupid fuckshits"

I bet you update your "Thankful" list. Don't forget to read the hate mail part.

Sara Sue said...

Thank you, spiritual one, for giving me so much more to be thankful for! Have a good Glutton Day!

Hungry Mother said...

SJP gives me another thing to be thankful for: paper bags.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

Have you been diagnosed with a bacterial infection of some sort. . . probably not if it's just a cold/flu.
Yes, the amoxicillin IS killing things you don't know about and it's not a good thing.
Fuck these doctors who prescribe penicillin every time someone sneezes.

Mike said...

Sarah Jessica Parker's face does resemble a shoe, but her vagina still resembles a vagina & in the interest of the continuation of the species, that is all that matters.

R.E.H. said...

Another great source of calcium is milk. You should try it, deee-licious!

You have a great Thanksgiving now, girl!

Malach the Merciless said...

I am Thankful you have never shown up to my house with that sword of yours.

AngryMan said...

IT'S TIME TO OPEN A WINDOW!

C.Rag said...

How can you be tired of that?
It's the greatest thing ever ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SagaciousHillbilly said...

TMo,
Friends of yours?
http://picasaweb.google.com/ArizonaRollerDerby/SurlyGurliesTeamPhotoS

Sirdar said...

Happy Thanksgiving!! Eat lots, drink lots. Just don't eat, drink and drive.

The Novice said...

Happy belated Thanksgiving to Tequila and all! And to Sarah Jessica Parker- may she still be thankful her shoe face has yet to grow a wattle.

FOUR DINNERS said...

I drank 8 tequila sunrises last night in your honour.

They were all chased down with bottles of Kronenburg.

You are a bad influence.

Keep it up!

Sex with SJP would verge on bestiality....

Cash said...

You have been corrupted by evil cats, I must purify you.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Dr. Robert J. Murk said...

Forgot your Murko. It's up! Sorry!

Love the blog. Love the suit. Love the love.

Bruce, a work in progress said...

Cats actually have notoriously good grammar. They just don't give a shit.

I'm glad to see all the Sarah Jessica Parker comments. I thought my wife and I were the only ones who thought she had a horse face.