Monday, November 5, 2007

Wine Tasting and Crackhead Analogies

I went to a wine tasting this weekend, and was pleasantly surprised it wasn’t one of those pretentious, stuffy events that wine tastings usually are. It was out in Elk River, which for those not familiar with the twin cities area, it is out in B.F.E., almost an hour away from Minneapolis. Honestly, if I had known it was that far away, I would’ve probably brought the flask for some in-transit drinking.

This was honestly the first wine tasting I’ve been to that had Led Zepplin playing in the background (I KNOW! I was impressed too!) and a cooler full of beer for the guys that came with their significant others. Not to mention the Swedish meatballs in the crock pot (which, makes even more sense, because it IS Minnesota, where those are considered a staple at all functions). All the people that came were great, and laid back, which is also not typical of wine tastings. It’s not very often people ask me to tell the story of when I got into a fight outside of a bowling alley when I’m at wine tasting.

Which reminds me, my new friend Cardi, inspired a new analogy for me; she was telling me about her sister, that has a four year old, and some of the issues of poor behavior and whatnot from the kid. Anyway, this got me thinking of when I first moved in with Lawyerman, his son was four, and honestly, four year olds are like crackheads. Everything they want, be it pokeman cards or candy, they think they need it or they will instantly die. Just like crackheads, they will lie, cheat and steal to get whatever it is they want. It is imperative you deal with a four year old like a crackhead, telling yourself that the decision you’re making is in their best interest, and also like a crackhead, their judgment is flawed, thus you must stick to your guns . Oh, the wisdom brought on by merlot!
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Anyway, the wine tasting was put on by
The Traveling Vineyard, which to me seems to be a better idea than selling cosmetics, pink Cadillacs aside. Also, I like their idea of getting people drunk, and then having them fill out sales info. Perhaps if Mary Kay got the people boozed up, they would have better success.

19 comments:

jedimacfan said...

If I buy you wine, will you sleep with me? Oh, shit, did I type that outloud?

C.Rag said...

Jedi,
We'll send you a free copy of our sexual encounters.

TED VELVET said...

Swedish meatballs, led Zeppelin and wine, that's enough for me, I'm moving to Minnesota.

Hungry Mother said...

When I was in Turkey last spring, one of my day tours ended up in a rug factory. The owner had a wonderful open bar while he and his workers displayed the most gorgeous carpets, which got more gorgeous as time wore on. When he gauged that the crowd was ripe, he let loose his salesmen. I had to literally drag my wife out of there (I don't drink).

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Well hot damn that sounded like one cool ass wine tasting event you went to.

Bruce, a work in progress said...

For my brother-in-law's last birthday his wife arranged a wine tour for a bunch of his family and friends. She hired a bus and driver to take us around from winery to winery. We had a lot more than a flask for in transit consumption. There were about 20 people. I think we had four or five coolers. Good time.

moooooog35 said...

If they could get wine to taste like Red Bull & Vodka, I'd go.

Let me know when they have one of those tastings.

Mike said...

I never developed much of a taste for wine. Seems it gives me a headache long before it gives me a buzz.

Swedish meatballs though, that would probably get me to a wine tasting.

Landon said...

You should check out Brewfest in WI, I got loaded and tried riding a real live pig bareback and handfed chickens "fire" flavored cheetos. Good times...

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Jedi: i am a burgeoning alcoholic, so it takes more than goddamn wine to get me swinging from the rafters.

C.rag: that would mean we would actually need to make some.

Ted: yeah, we're THAT classy.

Hungry: that's the problem with alcohol-driven sales tactics, the sober are immune.

Prepon: it was. i used to abhor wine tastings, now i am looking forward to the next one.

Bruce: four or five coolers sounds reasonable.

Moog: i totally get you... normally i am a cocktails kind of girl, but when the wine is free flowing, i can be ok with lowering my requirements.

Mike: this even had something for everyone.

Landon: how is that differenet from every other weekend? i've heard you've tried to ride more than one pig bareback...

Mr. Fred Rogers said...

Maybe it would be nice to bring some of those crackhead children to your next wine tasting, neighbor.

I know the little ones can get a bit im-patient.

Maybe some special grape juice would take the edge off from all that nasty rock?

SagaciousHillbilly said...

Come on TequiMo, aren't you going to tell us how the wine made you shit or your ass sore, or something to do with asses and shit? What about the Swedish meatballs? Did they make a good turd?

Baba Doodlius said...

Wow, a snooty wine tasting? Your wine tastings must be different from the ones I've been to - mine have always been much more about getting snockered than about sipping wine. Hell, we usually don't even care if the wine is any good, as long as it's free and we're not driving anywhere. Viva la vino!

Beach Bum said...

Zepplin at a wine tasting, now that was laid back.

And Yeah, Wiggles who is five still acts like a crackhead. If she doesn't get her way she starts screaming that I or her mom hate her. It doesn't matter where or when and she is very loud. This might make me sound bad but I will spank her where her mom won't.

Malach the Merciless said...

GET A JOB!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Mr. Rogers: don't forget the creepy hand puppets that used to give you handy j's. now THAT takes the edge off.

Sag.Hill: wow fucktard, you totally misunderstood the ninja shitting post (which was actually the first poo-related post i've ever done)... it wasn't about ME shitting it was about my coworkers hesitance to shit. never once did i describe anyones shit. perhaps you are projecting your own fecal/rectal obsessions onto my blogs. tsk tsk.

Baba: yes, usually they ARE snotty wine tastings, THIS one was just about getting drunk.

BeachBum: it was good times. i love zepplin and i love drinking; when those interests are combined, it makes for a magical night.

Malach: i DO have a job. one of those pesky 8-5's. but if it doesnt work out, i would be interested in being a traveling vineyard.

here today, gone tomorrow said...

You had me at Led Zeppelin. I'm envious!

Sara Sue said...

The wine tasting train close to here is getting a lot of flack about dumping their passengers off at the snooty Napa wineries drunk. Ummm ... isn't that the point?

SagaciousHillbilly said...

"perhaps you are projecting your own fecal/rectal obsessions onto my blogs."

Damn, did I do that again.