Friday, November 30, 2007

MADD about you

Last night I went to a MADD panel with my friend that has driving restrictions do to a DUI (yes, it’s the same friend I took to probation). I considered going slightly “festive”, but she said if they smelled alcohol on a person, they wouldn’t let them in, and this was required for my friend. I wondered if I kept the certificate they give out at the end for attendance, if I was able to use it later on if I got a DUI (Lawyerman said I could not… what a rip off).
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The first guy that spoke was this old hootenanny, and I’m pretty sure he was doing it as part of his community service. One of my favorite lines from him was “The dangers of drinking and driving are really bad;” well no shit. When is the last time you heard about a GOOD danger? He kept telling everyone how expensive and crappy DUI’s are, which I don’t think was a news flash since almost everyone there actually had at least one. He told us that his first DUI where he was driving in the ditch, but he had a quality lawyer that got him out of it (how does that discourage people from drinking and driving? It just teaches them to get a better attorney).

Before the hate mail starts, I’ll say that I am not ridiculing the people who spoke about their dead family members. Losing someone you care about is terrible, whether or not it is through a drunk driving accident. However, I don’t think wallowing in anger and bitterness is helping these people cope with their loss, and I think they would be better served going to therapy. More than one of those speakers seemed to have other issues not related to their dead loved ones, and I can see how it would be hard for them to focus on their other problems if they are emotionally constipated.

What I found to be bothersome was how the director brought up the Iraq war, and statistics of the casualties compared to drunk driving statistics. It was in poor taste and even though I agree that the Iraq war is shitty, it was distracting. It was not the place or the forum to bring that up, and as serious as they may feel drunk driving is, it is in no way as detrimental as the Iraq war.

Perhaps this is what fueled some of my answers on the anonymous survey they gave out at the end. When they asked why I was driving drunk I wrote “because Jesus is my co-pilot”. And for the question about how serious I thought drunk driving was, I put “it depends on how drunk I am, and how serious I am about getting home.” To the question of how do I want my family to be told of my death when I die while driving drunk, I didn’t like the answers of ‘by phone’ or ‘in person,’ so I wrote “singing telegram.” I doubt they will be very amused.
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Through all of the pictures of mangled cars, granddaughters in caskets, and other killjoy paraphernalia, the guy behind me still tries to stare down my shirt; I know I have great tits, but how can you possibly be getting a boner while hearing about people’s loved ones dying in horrible fiery crashes? To me it was definitely a turn-off. It was so heavy, that while walking out, another woman told the guy beside her “ugh, I need a drink now.” Totally understandable. I need to admit that the drink I had afterwards didn’t taste as good; but that was because my friend added too much triple sec to our kamikaze shots.


Preposterous Ponderings said...

Most people around here go to the MADD meetings right before they hit the bars.

Which there just so happens to be one just two doors down from where the meetings are held.

Not that I know from experience...I'm just stating the facts.

C.Rag said...

Once I was home from college visiting my folks, and the landline phone rang which I answered. It was MADD asking for donations. I said, "Oh I'm sorry, I'm for drunk driving." The woman quickly hung up. How rude!

Jay said...

Are MADD meetings a good place to pick up chicks? Maybe some emotionally vulnerable chicks? LOL

I love your answers on their questionnaire. Those were hilarious.

Actually it sounds a lot like going to church to me. Complete with my staring at babes and needing a drink afterwards.

I bet THAT would get me some hate mail if I posted it on my blog, huh? ;-)

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Prepon: same concept as having weight watchers meetings in the same strip malls as chinese buffets, mdcondalds, and pizza joints.

C.rag: they are some rude people. last night i was snickering about how this woman's son had rapist mustache, and the director was glaring at me the rest of the meeting. WTF?! i was one of the few people in the meeting that DIDNT have a DUI.

Jay: yeah, i purposely prefaced my post to try to avoid hate mail.

i grew up in church, and last night's meeting was bordering on being worse. they strove to instill shame and self recrimination and pounded in the threat of damnation and a fiery end.

Hungry Mother said...

My daughter and her friends were in SADD while they were in high school and I approved but told her that she'd be guzzling beer when she got to college.

After her senior prom, she and her friends came to our house for a no-booze get-together, something I'd never experienced myself. They were out on the porch around 2 AM, listening to music, when this drunk guy comes driving up the road, sees them, drives his car onto the sidewalk, gets out, and staggers up to join in the fun. The kids called the cops and the guy was arrested. The next day, the guy came over to our house and tried to convince me to get my daughter to change her charges against him. I felt horrible for the guy, because I majored in drunk driving when I was drinking, but I had to go with my daughter's principles. BTW, she guzzles now, but I hope she doesn't drive drunk.

TED VELVET said...

don't get me started on madd. the more you read aboout them the more you wnt to blow up their headquarters. one of the best stories is how they browbeat this town to pull its cops off thier usual shifts to look for drunk drivers late at night and then all these people were getting killed during the morning and evening rush hours in acidents because the cops wern't there to slow people down. drunk driving of course is terrible and dangerous but madd are a bunch of assholes

sagacioushillbilly said...

That billboard bottle is the same size that I prefer to have roughly crammed into my ass like force feeding a sheep at a petting zoo. And I always drink Corona before I fuck sheep, too. Really, Teq, it's like you know me better than most.

Malach the Merciless said...

You went to a MADD meeting? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Whats next, AA?

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Ted: they are some sons of bitches. you could tell they embellished some of the stories. at the end, even though they made my friend pay 40 bucks (i got in free), they had the nerve to ask for donations. i threw three liquor store receipts i found while cleaning out my purse during the meeting in the donation bag.

Sag: ouch. you must have a roomy asshole. i thought you liked to be sober while fucking sheep?

Malach: the only reason i would ever go to AA is for the stories. last night i did a favor for a friend because she's cute and makes a stiff drink as a thank you. if "AA" stands for assholes anonymous, you should probably attend.

moooooog35 said...

You're suprised that the guy was looking down your shirt? Are you crazy?

Just think about Will Ferrell in "Wedding Crashers," where he started crashing FUNERALS. Emotionally distraught = lucky.

(he also has one of the best lines in that movie: "MOM...MEATLOAF!..FUCK!!")

Mike said...

The thing is, back in the day when I used to get drunk on a daily basis, I never understood that whole drinking and driving thing. Really, it's not rocket science.

Just tell the cop that you have to drive because you are just simply too drunk to walk. Doesn't seem all that complicated to me.

Fortunately I never got a drunk driving ticket in my 15 years of serious alcohol abuse. Few people know this, but Gin gives you stealth abilities and it is easy to avoid cops if you are drunk on Gin. You just go into stealth mode and drive right past them.

mournful Sanging Catz Abound said...

She’s drunk & dead, hurrah, hurrah
Spilled tequila on her bra, her bra
She’ll not be dearly missed
And her pants are badly pissed
She’ll never have another ménage à trois

Almost as good as
Death and the Singing Telegram

ProbationSucks said...

Tequila - you might get the chance to attend AA with me, if I don't pass the alcohol assessment test :o)!!

I had some great responses to the questionnaire, too - like "what was your response to the presentation" I suggested they all get therapy and move on with their lives! Seriously - if your brother died 40 years ago (when you were 12) and you haven't gotten over it yet - IT IS TIME!! If I had known you could write in multiple choice questions like Tequila did - I would have said Text Message for how they should notify family if I'm found dead! When asked how we can prevent drinking & driving - "put breathalizers on our cars so they don't start if you are over the limit!" Seriously - that would really help! Of course, there would be someone out there that would get his idiot friend to blow into it for him and then take off drunk!

Tequila - thanks again for taking me last night - I promise your next kami will be made to perfection!

AngryMan said...

Sounds like they all could have used a drink to lighten the mood.

sagacioushillbilly said...

Hey, I know you're not into dating me even though I continually hit on you, but I wanted you to know that I have a new blog and you should read it. I've come to terms with the fact that I much prefer juicy sausage to tacos so I won't be harassing you like I used to. Coming out of the closet has really opened my eyes. And anal cavity.


Tequila Mockingbird said...

Moog: i guess a place for drunk drivers would be a great spot to pick up chicks... you know they know how to party!

Mournful: um thanks.

Probation: it was classic times. you'll have your chance to remake the shots tonight!

Angry: that's what i was saying!

Sag: i think i like your new blog better.

Christine said...

I am OUTRAGED at this post. OUTRAGED. Do you think this shit is funny girly? Do you think mother's banning together to stop the death of innocents is deserving of your mook and humor??!!

Yeah, me too. We suck.

mournful Sanging Catz Abound said...

Hey christine,
Greit gramur.
"banning together"
"mook and humor"
Iz juzt a nyutord catz, and me pawz spel better.

Beach Bum said...

A good way to get by a DUI in South Carolina is to have the state legislature raise the blood alcohol limit while driving. Of course in this case the father of the boy they raised it for is a state senator.

Also, I agree with Moooog35. You were surprised a guy looked down your shirt?

A Girl, A Boy, and Me said...

lol, I thought mooooog would be the type to have to look UP your shirt. :D

The only time I was in a car drunk was when I was assisting the driver. I kept my door open and told him when he was driving on the bike path line.

So I wasn't technically driving. I was just literally stupid.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Christine: you had me going there for a second. thanks for the laugh!

Mournful: seems like youre having some good times!

Beach: not surprised my shirt was looked down, it was just the context...

A Girl: mooog would. he's like a tall midget. and even then it's pushing it.

Bruce, a work in progress said...

You really know where all the fun places are. I have a conference in Minneapolis (or however the fuck you spell it) next spring. I'm gonna have to ask you where to go while I'm there.

By the way. I LOVE the new picture. And yes, I was looking down your shirt.

R.E.H. said...

Oh, you have to understand that a man will look at a woman's breasts any time. Doesn't matter if it's during a MADD meeting, at a funeral, in the middle of a hostage situation or in the heat of war - if tits are readily viewable... a man's gaze will turn in that direction ;)

Cool answers on that questionaire though.

NeoRave84 said...

Shit girl, if I was stuck at some boring ass MADD meeting I would probably stare at your tits too. I mean, I would stare anyways, but then I would have cause. Also, its a good thing the two of us never went to anything like that together, we would so get escorted out!!

Christine said...

Btw, I linked you. We sarcastic bitches need to keep converting the boring tight asses.

It's a process.

Sara Sue said...

"By singing telegram" LMFAO!!! I'd go to a MADD meeting with you any day!

AngryMan said...

Maybe next time you should bring some daquri mix to get the party started.


I drink better when I drive....

I've run over three Somalians coming home from the pub - at different times I hasten to add - so if that doesn't justify drink driving nothing will....

Isn't so bad. Checked the rear view and two of 'em got up again anyroad...

BBC said...

“because Jesus is my co-pilot”

Yeah, right... I just call a cab.

"I know I have great tits, but how can you possibly be getting a boner while hearing about people’s loved ones dying in horrible fiery crashes?"

It's call multitasking. :-)Come on, you know that most all men are sort of perverts, some just hide it better than others is all.

And I know a lot of women that are the same way.

Malach the Merciless said...

I tagged you with a meme, this one was fun

Tex said...

That great Aussie saying:

"Yeah I was fucking hammered, but I was alright to drive!"

Tex said...

and, men, for some reason, love tits. I don't know why, because they are just a useful and beautiful item, but I certainly know when I see some nice ones I do tend to objectify them and their owner, thinking about what I'd like to do with them, and it doesn't involve much talking to the head above the breasts.

I try to talk to the face and not stare, but I do wanna just have a good look. Apparently it works better if you pretend you like the person first (or even stranger, that you actually do like them, though I doubt this occurs often), but I'm yet to try that theory. I must say the open mouthed dribbling stare is not working too well to date......

Pope Benedict XVI said...

You need to attend MLWJ!

Make Love With Jesus!