It has been brought to my attention that I have been remiss in giving out the Douchebag Of the Month Award for November. Thank you loyal reader, and I will be sure to remedy this. Although there were many worthy candidates, Landon (my partner in crime and drinking buddy) wrote a post yesterday, that makes me feel like an entire County of douchebags deserves this illustrious award.
The big winner is Collier County, of course it is in Fla, the freakshow state. Apparently, there was a bulletin sent out by the sheriffs there about Jenkem, and inhalant that gives euphoric high. I fully support people getting higher than a goddamn kite, but it’s the way they are doing it. Jenkem is called “butthash” because it is made from fermenting urine and fecies… that is the active ingredient. If the spectrum of drugs that are already out there are not enough for you, I think it is time to consider tapping out and either wrapping your toe around the trigger of a shotgun while listening to Alice in Chains, or go to rehab.
What is most vile about this drug, is the taste of sewage remains in your mouth for days. How desperate to get high do people need to be to want the taste of ass in their mouth for a week? I’ve smelled people’s breath before that I thought had been sucking on a bag of smashed assholes. I can honestly say that I would not want to make out with someone who smelled like raw sewage, and most people would probably agree, so I’m thinking smoking “fruit from the crack pipe” would seriously inhibit a dating life.
The people who most deserve the Douchebag of the Month award is the officials who released this bulletin, because now it gave the idea to all of the rednecks living in squalor (and that makes up the bulk of Collier County, as I know for a fact, from having the misfortune to drive through that town once or twice when I lived in Florida). As much as it hurts my mind's eye to picture this, I know that every toothless, bumbling idiot is now shitting in a bucket, waiting for the magical moment when their crap turns into something that can get them high. Congratulations Collier County, you have earned it!