Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Two Days Down, Two More To Go

This weekend I managed to lose my cell phone while drunk (I know, imagine that?) in downtown. Unfortunately the bastards at Sprint, feel that charging me a $50 deductible and making me wait four business days is should be worth the extra charge a month for cell phone insurance.

It should probably be some kind of character building experience for me, where I learn to throw down the crutch of a cellular phone, and I suddenly feel unburdened by the constant stream of phone calls, email checking, phone and text messages, but instead I feel awful. I haven’t been without a cell phone since I first got one when I was 16. I’m not sure how people managed without it. Like those amputees who feel the itching and tingling even after their limb is gone, I still hear my Dropkick Murphy’s ringtone even though I have no phone.
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How dare those d-bags at Sprint make me go this long without a phone. It’s not 19fucking82. At least if it was, there would be a pay phone on every corner. But because businesses like gas stations and shopping centers have gotten in trouble from drug activity being done from a phone on their premises, many of them have taken the phones out. So today, while driving, I NEEDED to make a call like a jonesing addict needs their fix (my veins were itching and everything!) I had to drive all over east jesus to find a phone. At first, I gave up easily, which is par for my apathetic generation, and went inside to a gas station to ask to use their phone. A portly woman, who looked as if her face caught fire and was reconstructed using the mole-ridden skin from her ass, told me it wasn’t for customers. I responded that it was a good thing I hadn’t bought anything because I technically wasn’t a customer. She closed her taint-skin eyelids to tiny little slits of annoyance. I could see I wasn’t going to get anywhere with her, so I told her I hoped someone would one day rob her at gun point and locked her in the freezer.

After wasting more time and gas looking around, I finally found a pay phone that smelled like a seat cushion at the DMV. I worried just by touching it that I would get scabies. There is not enough anti bacterial hand gel to rid the unseen filth from my hands. Thanks Sprint.

14 comments:

Malach the Merciless said...

Loser, I remember a world without cell phones . .

SagaciousHillbilly said...

TequiMo, If you can't walk into any one of your service provider's stores and walk out with a new working phone within 15 minutes, they suck.
Demand good service. As long as apathetic proles accept some clueless moron monkey boy giving them horrendous service, that is what we'll get.
Fuck them. Walk in sit down and tell em you aint movin till you walk out with a working phone.
Shit, you can go to Walmart and get a prepaid for $29.
$50 deductible?! That's not cell phone insurance.

Mike said...

I really hate to admit this, but The Sag is right. I had a similar incident with Verizon and after chewing the guys ass for 5 minutes in the crowded store and refusing to move until he gave me my fucking phone, I GOT my fucking phone.

Beach Bum said...

You are not the first person I heard say Sprint's customer service was crap. My wife had an Alltel phone and read the riot act to their customer service when the phone itself died and they gave her some flack about getting the service transfered to another phone. She ended up going to a prepay and thankfully has been happy with it. Like Malach I'm old enough to remember the world without cell phones. I still have this unfulfilled fantasy about having sex in a old fashion phone booth, but thats another story.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Oh gawd, I so hate the smell of the seat cushions at the DMV. One reason I stay standing.I have seen some of the skank asses that have sat on them before!

TED VELVET said...

just do heroin, it's cheaper, doesn't cause brain tumors and there's no deductable and it's much cooler than a cell phone. Did jimi Hendrix ecver have a cell phone? I rest my case.

Sirdar said...

Can we say ADDICTION? This could be good for you in the long run :-)

moooooog35 said...

That was YOU in East Jesus? You drove by me, I was in West Mary Magdalene (right after my jaunt in Eastern Judas).

Hey - swing by my site...got something for you (sorry...it has no liquor content).

AngryMan said...

I got a cell this summer, and it hasn't caused any real problems, but I do hate the idea of having it around all the time.
Now, I do hate that my parents have a cell phone now. My dad usually has it and he calls me all the time w/it. He used to call me at about 7:00 in the morning to tell me that he was walking the dogs. Now he just calls at about 3:30 in the afternoon to tell me the same thing.

C.Rag said...

It took forever for my CockMaster to get a cell phone. He thought he was fighting the Man or something by not having one. Now he uses it all the time. It's the number two most important thing on his body.

Hungry Mother said...

I had a cell phone stolen in a campground outside of Cancun. When I reported the theft to Nextel, they made some sort of database error and didn't deactivate it. I had set up autopay for the phone on a credit card because I was going to be away for a few months. When I got back home, I had a bill of $4000 sitting on my credit card. It took me 6 months to straighten out the situation and I only got off the hook because I knew someone who was buddies with a Nextel VP.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

Mike, Get over it., I usually am.
Bum, I was once driving through one of the most desolate areas of Welsh contryside and there, in the middle of nowhere was a one of those fancy British phone booths on the side of the road. Perplexing, but I think it would have fullfilled your dream quite well.
slightlyannoyedman, nobody cares.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Malach: there also used to be a world without proper sanitation, do you want to go back to using tree bark and corn cobs to wife your ass?

Sag: my phone is worth waaaaay more than 20 bucks, and i dont pay my cell phone bill, lawyerman does, so i'm not going to bitch too much about it. if i had insisted on a phone THAT day, it wouldn't have been as good nor had as many gadgets as my current phone, plus i wouldn't have got to use the phone insurence.

Mike: it must be the armageddon, youre agreeing with sag.

Beach: i think i've heard people complain about almost every phone service in some facet or another. phone booth sex is good, they still have a ton of phone booths in england, you know.

Prepon: the smell is just one of the ways i despise the DMV.

Ted: i like your logic. i'm taking off my belt and wrapping it around my arm right now. maybe it'll make me feel better about being without a phone for another day and a half.

Sirdar: not so much addiction as extreme reliance. but no, this is NOT good for me.

Moog: thanks for the award, and as i mentioned on there, i wont put that up here. but the it's the thought that counts.

Angry: at least he isnt calling you while taking a crap. my gay best friend in fla likes to call me to either A) tell me how nice the weather is when it's freezing ass cold here or B)that he's taking a crap and misses me.

C.rag: i think i get which one is the most important.

Hungry: that's fucking awful.

Sag: sounds like someone needs their depends changed, youre a little cranky.

Tex said...

I once did the same. I think i lost it when I tried to sleep in someone's front garden at 3 am on the way home from the pub. Funnily enough, I went to the local cop shop and it had been handed in. This was in 1999, so there were still some honest people around then.