Friday, November 16, 2007

Gulliver meets Snow White

Many of you who read this even the slightest amount know how I feel about midgets; my aspirations, and how enamored I was when I saw a midget with big cans. Last night while hanging out with Lawyerman’s kid, DragonBoy, we watched Little People, Big World. From being around me for almost three years, I have given him the gift of an interest in midgets… Some people pass down disgusting habits of sucking on toothpicks or picking their nose, I feel proud that I can pass this rewarding and healthy fascination on to him at such a young age.

Anyway, so we’re watching the midget show, and he busts out with: "Can I have a pet midget for Christmas?" After first telling him that it’s a request best taken up with Santa, I explained that they are people and we it isn’t good manners or legal to own them. He was confused, and I understand why; they are always calling themselves "dwarves", which makes me think (and DragonBoy as well) of them as mythical creatures, Snow White style. What is so wrong with calling them midgets? I understand it isn’t politically correct, but if you had the choice between calling yourself a midget, dwarf or little people, I would go with midget.
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The episode we were watching was about the dwarf version of the Olympics, the DAAA. Granted, I am not very athletic, but watching them play basketball and volleyball, I thought if I joined the game, I might have a fighting chance of winning. I’m tall, but I’m a bit slow because of the plate and pins in my knee; so competing with people around 4 feet tall, I could best accentuate my strengths. I would be like Gulliver, kicking them around while they tried to hold me back, and drop kicking them like the Jolly Green Giant would green beans. So I think I will add this to my list of stuff that I want to do involving midgets. Wrestling with one in lime jello is still my number 1, but ultimately aspire to be a combination of Snow White and Gulliver.

17 comments:

Mike said...

Oh the glory of midgets. I still call them midgets because I don't know any better and Political Correctness is just creepy like watching a retard playing with himself. I only hope that if any of your midget dreams come true, you post pictures on your blog.

I never had any midget desires until I read what DragonBoy said. I want one as a pet now.

moooooog35 said...

I have no aspirations or desires with midgets, as I'm very close to being one at just over 5 feet tall (5'-2 and 11/16").

As such, I'm much more enamored by ginormous Amazonian women...like Wonder Woman or they guy from Silence of the Lambs.

Malach the Merciless said...

You a midgetphilliac aren't you. Malach is 6'2". We should play them in basketball . . .

TED VELVET said...

ever see midget women in porn? they can't work the joystick, they're all knuckles. They'd make me look like a fucking stallion though. Now there's midgets, dwarfs and little people, which one's are elves?

Preposterous Ponderings said...

I love Little People, Big World!

BTW I saw a midget in Walmart the other day riding one of those electric carts. First thing I thought of was you.

Colonel Colonel said...

Lt. Worf and a nude midget basketball team. Now there's a mental image that's going to take a lot of Clorox to remove from my brain.

Dwarfs and midgets are not the same, of course. One is proportional to size, the other is not. I forget which is which- Wiki will know.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

If you haven't already, you've got to watch the movie "Terror of Tiny Town."
It is one of the fucking funniest movies I've ever seen.
Guarantee you'll love it.
Classic western with ponies and midgets.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=XNV7hKVu-Xg&feature=related

Bruce, a work in progress said...

I only hope I live to see the lime jello match. It haunts my dreams. Of course, Prepon is there too.

If the seven dwarves sing "Hi Ho" to Snow White would that be considered offensive to women?

Colonel Colonel said...

"Hi Ho! Hi Ho! It's off to work we go!"

Urp. No wonder they were whistling...

Hungry Mother said...

I'm not so tall, and I like wrestling in jello. Anybody? Anybody?

Sara Sue said...

I had some sort of midget comment ... but now ... all I can think to ask is, "Mike who the fuck WATCHES retards jack off?"

Mike said...

Ummm...doesn't everybody watch retards jack off? Please don't tell me I am the only one.

Sara Sue said...

I can only speak for me ... yeah, I do :)

Sirdar said...

That is certainly a different fetish. I don't see a lot of midgets around here. But, I don't see them as you would either. But hey...to each his/her own!! :-)

FOUR DINNERS said...

Our politically correct leaders seem to think we should now call dwarves PORGS. Apparently it stands for 'People Of Restricted Growth'.

My wife is 5' 1". I called her PORG and she hit me.

My wife is obviously politically incorrect. (Thankfully)

Phoebe Fay said...

PORG just sounds so dirty.

Also, thank you for teaching the next generation about good manners. Such important lessons... say please and thank you, don't pick your nose or your butt in public and don't own other people.

harx said...

No, no, no. It's not "dwarves" and it's not "midgets" either. It's "midgit", as in when our creator made "a Mountain, Midgit and a Tree".