All week the news had been telling us that we were going to get a snowstorm that would bring us 5-10 inches of snow. So when it started to hit, I was content to stay indoors and enjoy some liquid holiday cheer. However, coming from the land of the ice and snow, the midnight sun, where the hot springs flow (mmm, Zeppelin), Lawyerman felt the need to go out in the blizzard to get the giftmas tree. I guess that’s what four wheel drive is for, right?
Many people don’t get why Lawyerman and I have always had giftmas trees, even though both of us are staunch atheists. One of the main reasons he likes having a tree is it gives him a chance to tell people about its pagan origins. I incorporate it into a holiday of my own creation, Giftmas. It is basically where you hang out with people you like and/or care about, get festively drunk as much as possible, make and eat foods that are bad for you. I think people have gotten away from the true meaning of the holidays, and are forgetting that Santa died for our presents; that’s where the giving and receiving of awesome gifts comes in (and sometimes tacky sweaters that have so much of the giftmas spirit that they need to be re-gifted to someone else).
Anyway, so we get the tree back to his house and as it starts melting, I am surprised with the extra foot and a half wide it is. Even more surprising while hanging stocking with care, I hear some screeching sounds and peer into the tree. IT IS A FUCKING BAT! I guess with the snowstorm hit, he went inside to get some shelter. I start freaking out, which scares the bat, and he flies out of the tree like the squirrel from Natl. Lampoons Christmas Vacation. Lawyerman grabs a tennis racket, DragonBoy is upset, begging him not to kill it, because it might be batman, and we are finally able to get it corralled near the door. I shove open the door, which scares the hell out of the woman standing outside the front door who was dropping off a holiday wreath; after delivery was two weeks overdue, I had assumed that the cub scout that sold Lawyerman a wreath had just ripped him off and had ridiculed him mercilessly about it.
Even after the bat had flown away, wreath-delivery-mom was still swatting at her hair. And that folks, is a true Giftmas miracle! I chuckled about it throughout my drunken decorating of my color-coordinated Giftmas tree.