Thursday, December 13, 2007

Sweater of Awesomeness

For our office holiday card, we decided to go with a “have an over the top holiday” theme, and all wear tacky Christmas sweaters. So last week we went on a quest to find such sweaters. I figured the best place to find them would be at a thrift store. Unfortunately, we found none, but did see some interesting characters. Most interesting was what they sold there. Underpants and lingerie. WTF??!?!?! Used undergarments seems to be a really bad idea. I don’t care how many times you wash it with bleach, I wouldn’t wear someone else’s underpants. It’s not like underpants are that high ticket of an item, like a winter coat. Undergarments in my opinion are a one-owner item. Unless you are a stripper, then by all means, take ‘em off and throw them into the crowd!

While on our sweater finding mission, we went into a couple of stores, and because we were on a lunch-hour timed mission, we had to be quick. So Calvin Crustitron, with his usual grace and finesse asked the employees where they kept their tacky holiday sweaters. Instantly, they lead us to the correct departments. I ended up with a vest that had cats wearing santa hats in stockings. I pimped that shit out, after all, it had a furred collar and bells!!! Calvin opted for a sexy, though homosexual, beaded-pearled-sequined snowman sweater (yes, it was a woman’s sweater). They didn’t use this picture of us, but here we are in all of our glory.

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For some holiday cheer, go see
this while it's still up. To get even more holiday cheer, try this:

Santa's Little Helper
  • 1 1/2 oz Apple Schnapps
  • 1 1/2 oz of Butterscotch Schnapps
  • 1 1/2 oz Goldshlager
  • 5 oz apple juice
Pour it into a cocktail shaker, shake it like a baby and strain into a large cocktail glass. Garnish with apple slice or cinnamon stick.

31 comments:

Bob said...

day aint nuttin to fuck wif.

harx said...

the douche level of those sweaters is very high

almost off the chart

Jay said...

I love the sweaters. You guys are rockin' the Christmas spirit in those things.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Hey!! I'm wearing that sweater now! What do you mean it's a woman's sweater? :) Have a nice Holiday if I'm not back this way.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Bob: sho nuff.

Harx: agreed.

Jay: we totally are. the snide, smarmy xmas spirit.

Ron: hot, youre wearing that sweater too?

Preposterous Ponderings said...

WTF? I told my husband NOT to post that pic of me with my nipple ornaments! Damn him!

Those sweaters are bad ass! Where can I get matching ones?

Mike said...

Thanks for that Craigslist tip. I was seriously looking for a 48 year old woman(?) with a shaved Hoo-Haw whose period had just ended. I swear, you can find almost anything on Craigslist.

I love the sweaters. Really I do.

A Girl, A Boy, and Me said...

I love it! The two of you are totally holiday glam. How could they NOT use your picture?

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Prepon: i thought i recognized you, even though there was a bar over your eyes. you can get one at herbergers. which reminds me, i need to return mine.

Mike: so i take it after seeing that craigslist ad you know for sure what you are asking santa for christmas? A PIECE OF THAT HOT ACTION!!!

A girl: they used our pictures, just not THAT picture of us.

TED VELVET said...

If I was in yo neck of the woods I'd be scared yo. flashin' gang sign and whatnot. It's sad but you will end up wearing a sweater just like when your old because your grandkid is gonna give you one and you don't wanna make the dumb little muthafucka feel bad. have fun lookin' like a sucka.

R.E.H. said...

I really like how you pose all rock'n'roll in that sweater ;)

Jay said...

"we totally are. the snide, smarmy xmas spirit."

Is there any other kind of Christmas spirit? ;-)

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Ted: we would steal your fucking rims, and take your wallet to go to the strip club.

REH: that's just how we roll.

jay: ha! there is the drunken, angry type of christmas spirit.

Hungry Mother said...

I think holiday parties deserve sweaters like that. I'd like to see that Craigslist babe come out of a big cake.

Phoebe Fay said...

I know you're making the bad-ass face and hand signals and all that, and it's really a great try. But sorry, nobody, nobody, NOBODY! can look tough in a Christmas sweater.

Colonel Colonel said...

I have a sweater like that black one, but the lights blink.

It's very fashionable when you're drinking apple schnapps.

Captain Flak Paperpants said...

I want to make fuck angels in the snow.

BBC said...

I don't know what this has to do with a starving child. But as long as you can get drunk and party I guess it is okay with you?

The starving child.

Malach the Merciless said...

Wow, I would do you an him and the woman with the ornaments all at the same time, whose that for xmas cheer!

Sirdar said...

Soooo...your not supposed to share undergarments?!?!

I'd like to say "sexy" sweaters...but...

A Girl, A Boy, and Me said...

So - as I sit here slightly buzzed on a weekday, from one Mike's (yes, I'm a drinking wuss), I think you and your friend are getting really sexy in those sweaters. And I think tomorrow I'm going to Macy's...I need me some holiday cheer!

moooooog35 said...

AAAHH!!

I CLICKED THE LINK!!! I CLICKED THE LINK!!!!

"Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is my sight back. Tequila stole it from me by putting this f*cking link on her site."

Regarding the outfits:

What, no Christmas Hat or antlers?!

Buzzardbilly said...

Wow. 9:20 in the ayem here. First I'm happily cheered into being more awake by those awesome Christmas sweaters, then I'm smacked up side the head with flabcid ornamental tits and a shaved Hoo-Haw. It's everything I could ask for in a Christmas blog and more.

Bruce, a work in progress said...

Having seen pictures of you I got really excited at the prospect of seeing you in a sweater. Somehow this wasn't what I was expecting. Festive, just not what I was expecting. And you didn't need fake antlers...you already have a great rack.

em said...

Those sweaters are really quite attractive. And the shiny garland scarf thing is a nice touch!

pissed off patricia said...

Oh man, I don't know which would be worse, being forced to wear a stranger's used under garments or having to look at the pic of that naked lady again.

Whoever thought up the idea of making tacky christmas sweaters should be in jail. They are so bad they're funny.

[Un]Censored said...

Lookin' hawt, there. I think Leslie hall has you beat on the tackiness...

http://www.lesliehall.com/8-sweaters.html

Lawyerman said...

I'd rather you dared to come home with the sweater, than post that ghastly visage on your link. I can't look at a Yule tree again.

here today, gone tomorrow said...

"Hoo-haw" - a new word for me!

The best part about the photo is the bad ass looks on your faces.

Sara Sue said...

The best xmas sweaters can be found at your local goodwill ... not only are they disgustingly tacky, they're dirt cheap!

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