Monday, December 31, 2007

New Year's Eve 2006

I thought today would be the perfect opportunity to revisit last year's shenanigans.

(reposted from my myspace)

New Year's Eve is the amatuer night of drinkers. The best thing I can compare it to is those once-a-year christians who only go to church on Christmas; it's lame and people need not to half ass it, because that is when you fuck it up. So here you have the people who usually drink, out their whooping it up, but then you get these idiots who dont drink any other time of the year, throwing them back like a republican caught in a pedophilliac scandal. Of course they can't handle the mass amounts of liquor, so they're getting sick, getting in fights and just being general dumb asses.

That why I hate going to bars on New Year's Eve. Instead, we went party hopping with Milfgasm and Professor Beer, which was splendid because we didn't hafta driveWith an assload of freshly fallen snow on the ground, even the sober people were ending up in the ditches. The first party was one put on by people really into home brewing, needless to say, quite the selection of fine beverages, but a bit too sedate. So I pop some exstacy and that made the night more interesting.

The second party, we thought we were at the right house, but about the time Professor Beer was peeing in the bushes, we noticed that HEY there are children inside and that's DEFINITELY the wrong house. As we pseudo ran down the street, I was rethinking the my decision to wear stiletto heeled boots.

Buttery nipple shots, and many many more shots galore, and some karoke really brought 2007 in with the force of Chuck Norris kicking a baby. One of the clearest memories is me singing Prince's Pussy Control at the top of my fucking lungs. I can't find a clip of this song, but I give you some of the lyrics:
Pussy got bank in her pockets
Before she got dick in her drawers
If brother didnt have good and plenty of his own
In love pussy never did fall
And this fool named trick wanna stick her
Uh, talkin more schick than a bic
bout how he gonna make pussy a star
If she come and sing a lick on his hit
Pussy said nigga, u crazy if u dont know
Every woman in the world aint a freak
U can go platinum 4 times
Still couldnt make what I make in a week
So push up on somebody wanna hear that
Cuz this somebody here dont wanna know
Boy, u better act like u understand
When u roll with pussy control (are u ready? )

Aaah, pussy control, oh
Aaah, pussy control, oh

Breakdown(are u ready 4 the best pussy u ever felt? )

With one more verse 2 the story
I need another piece of your ear
I wanna hip u all 2 the reason
Im known as the player of the year
Cuz I met this girl named pussy
At the club international balls
She was rollin 4-deep
3 sisters and a weepy-eyed white girl drivin her haul
I pulled up right beside her
And my electric top went down
I said motherfucker, I know your reputation
And Im astounded that ure hereI fear ure lonely and u want 2 know
A 12 oclock straight up nigga
That dont give a shit that ure pussy control
Well Im that nigga, at least I wanna be
But its gonna be hard as hell
2 keep my mind off a body
That would make every rich man
Want 2 sell, sell, sell (75, we need another.. 85, 85 here, sold!)
Can I tell u what Im thinkin that u already know? U need a motherfucker that respects your name

Now say it, pussy control (are u ready? )
Aaah, pussy control, oh
Aaah, pussy control, oh


Captain Flak Paperpants said...

Someone get that woman a charity chicken!

TED VELVET said...

I control mad amounts of pussy...with my mind

Leighann said...

Great song to have stuck in my head! I'm going to have to step up the husbands lunch time sext messages!

Landon said...

Prince sucks, I'm surprised he hasn't died of AIDS yet.

Jay said...

Going out on New Years sucks. The crowds are huge and everybody is out of control. Oh sure there are lots of silly drunks to make fun of and it's easy to convince them to do stupid things, but that gets old after a while.

Malach the Merciless said...

I got my cat under control usually

billymac said...

New Year's Eve party scene has always been a let down over the years, always a lot of hype and not much pay-off. Now I just sit at home naked in the corner rocking myself.

C.Rag said...

Velvet has explained the reasons why I keep my hand down my pants at work & my other hand on my boobs.

Mike said...

My wife and I went to a New Year's Eve party a few years ago. I got horribly drunk and pissed on someone's car out on the street. My wife didn't speak to me for a week.

It was a pretty good week.

We haven't been invited back to any more New Year's Eve parties.

sirdar said...

I think you should record that song and put it up on here :-) I can just imagine it would be like When Harry Met Sally...

Happy New Year!! Play safe :-)

Hungry Mother said...

If you happen by my campground tonight, will you sing a chorus outside of my RV? Thanks in advance.

Buzzardbilly said...

Amatuer night indeed! I don't even leave the house. Batten down the hatches cause there's going to be nothing but lightweights trying to drink off the residue of the whole holiday-full-of-relatives that just passed.

Totally not for me. Love to hear the stories though.

R.E.H. said...

Buttery nipple shots? And when, exactly, will you post these for my viewing pleasure?

Never heard that song, but now I'll have to look for it. Catchy, it appears.

Aaah, Pussy Control, Oh!

A Girl, A Boy, and Me said...

Happy New Year!

I have always had the theory that you either spend the night with someone you like to kiss or stay home and make the most of it. Lol, i stayed home and made the most of it.

katie said...

aww, Tequila! that was my damn wedding song! oh, the glorious memories.

hope you had a great new year's eve with lot's of the ole sauce.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Happy New Year!


pussy control me whenever it's around....

I obey.

Have a great 2008 babe x

RockDog said...

Happy New Year!I went out once an NYE and it sucked...

Best NYE ever was getting trashed and seeing KISS live...hang over was bad, but worth it.

Beach Bum said...

Happy New Year Tequila. New Year's Eve sucks for me when it falls on a weekday. Can't party unless I go to my brother's house so I can sleep it off, my wife feels I'm too old to act like a kid and gives me holy hell for the month of January.

Brian Stanfill said...

Does this mean you don't have a ridiculous account of this year's newness to share? We're left to wallow in reruns? :P

Tequila Mockingbird said...

brian: cute. you've known me long enough to know it's not that i dont have a story to tell, i'm just ... keeping this one under my hat.

moooooog35 said...


..or audio...


..I'd even go for, you know, some type of demonstration of the song.

Thanks in advance.

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