Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Porn and Cookbooks

What does porno and cookbooks have in common? The well used ones both have sticky pages! Anyway, I really think porn gets a bad rap by some people. Let’s look at this subjectively; it is magical and provides some essential services. For example, it spices up a sexless marriage. I hate those broads who bitch and moan about their husband looking at porn. Well, would you rather him cheat on you? If you don’t want to feel left out, why not join him in watching a bunch of attractive bodies slapping together in red-hot sexin’?
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Porn also lights up a teenager’s imagination. Kids are in need of some nudity and direction as to what they should be doing in the sack. Granted, real life sex usually isn’t double penetration to every member of the cheerleading squad, but watching porn at least cuts down on the awkward fumbling. Although for chicks, once they get out and start finding penises of their own, it’s a bit shocking to find out that most guys are not hung like a stallion with balls the size of tangerines.
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Most importantly, pornography keeps a predator off the streets. It’s hard to drive your rapist van when you are jacking off. People who say that porn made them commit rapes and child abuse are just trying to con their way out of trouble, and look for an excuse why they are a piece of shit. Fact of the matter is, if you’re going to be a sick ass motherfucker, having porn wont put you over the edge, your own lack of self control will. Perhaps porn can make what little self control predators have last a little bit longer.

So I say HOOOOOOORAY PORN! Look at it often, look at it closely, and share it with a friend. One of
my favorite porn sites is one of the best to look at nekkid celebrities. Since I'm posting about porn, I thought what better to have as my next drink of Giftmas, than some eggnog. It's boozy, festively delicious and requires a lot of beating.

Mockingbird Eggnog
  • Beat 9 large egg yolks (seperate out the egg whites) with 3/4 cup of sugar until the mixture is pale and thick with ribbons when the beaters are lifted from the bowl.
  • In a seperate bowl, beat two thirds of the egg whites until they hold soft peaks.
  • Do some more beating in a third bowl with 4 cups of heavy cream until it holds soft peaks.
  • Fold the whites into the yolk mixture until it is combined well and then fold in the whipped cream oh so gently BUT THOROUGHLY.
  • Pour it into a punch bowl, whisk in 1 cup of bourbon, 1/2 cup of dark rum (I use Captain Morgan), 2 1/2 half cups of milk, 1/4 teaspoon of salt.
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73 comments:

Bob said...

This Xmas season I would like to thank the Lord for Rusty Trombones, the Midnight Prowl and American Bukkake series, webcam dolls, big bouncing tits, and anal fisting.
Amen

em said...

Porn definitely has its benefits.

A Girl, A Boy, and Me said...

I used to watch porn when I was a kid. We had cable and the porn channels would sometimes come through all wavy and distorted. Funny stuff.

As an adult, I don't think I've seen anything but an occasional picture.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Bob: i can tell that is a prayer straight from the heart. you are just too precious!

em: agreed.

A girl: oh man, scrambled porn.. that's a teenage classic!

moooooog35 said...

I had no idea you could use computers for stuff OTHER than porn, until I got to work and they made me do other shit on them.

..this is also how I found out that Human Resources frowns on public masturbation where I work.

...need to find a job that's not so restrictive.

On another note, that kid in the picture should have put the computer down and saved his Manzier instead (or "Bro" - whatever term you want to use to describe his man-bra).

billymac said...

Porn is king... I was pleasantly surprised to find porn on some European "normal" tv channels at night. Of course they were in German, but who cares, they were speaking in the international language, dong-schlappin.

Phoebe Fay said...

I have nothing against porn, but I don't really watch it. It's the same reason that I don't watch sports. I'd rather do than spectate.

Mike said...

I now have all of my porn safely tucked away on my laptop computer. In the event of a fire, I only have to save my laptop.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Moog: what a horrible place you work if they wont allow you to beat off out in the open.

billy: "the international language of dong schlappin" sounds like a movie that needs to be made... couple of broads hitch hiking their way through europe??

Pheobe: good point.

Mike: smart move... i wouldnt want to try to lug out the entire CPU, when it's a lot easier to just grab a laptop. it's all about priorities...

TED VELVET said...

essen meine shizer. love the europen porn, smoking hot models doing crap I'd have to mortgage my house to have a girl do over here.

Captain Flak Paperpants said...

I fucking love porn. LOVE IT.


PORN! I LOVE YOU! YOU ARE MY BFF!!!!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Ted: sounds like you've thought this one through

Capt: as i said, porn is a wonderful thing!

Buzzardbilly said...

I think the criminals who say "porn made me do it" (like Ted Bundy) would have done it anyway.

Isn't there an old proverb that goes "so long as mankind has media with which to document visuals, fucking will be documented, catalogued, and preserved for posterity" (with posterity meaning a righteous wank during the quiet times)? If there isn't, there should be.

Jay said...

"People who say that porn made them commit rapes and child abuse are just trying to con their way out of trouble, and look for an excuse why they are a piece of shit."

You are ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY right about that! They say those things so that religious groups will come to prison and "counsel" them and then testify on their behalf at the parole hearing. Sick fucks.

Everybody loves naked celebs.


Oh, and just to clear something up .... I do NOT lack interest in either Redheads or Boobs. I love both very much. LOL ;-)

[Un]Censored said...

Since we're talking porn and such, I would like to thank Limewire, Citrixwire, and www.consumptionjunction.com (free smut clips) for the porn that runneth over

Bruce, a work in progress said...

I like porn. My wife and I give each other a "private" present every Christmas eve. Sex toys, porn DVD's (the ones with a plot :-)), sex games, etc. It's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Buzzard: agreed

Jay: you shouldnt have anything against big boobs and redheads. i was offended for a sec.

[un]: thanks for your suggestion. i welcome all porno submissions. unless they include animals.

Bruce: probably one of the reasons why you have a healthy marriage.

Malach the Merciless said...

YouPorn is fun but you didn't here it from me

Hungry Mother said...

If I ever looked at porn, I would like blow job sandwiches. If you haven't tried them, take a google.

Colonel Colonel said...

What is this "porn" of which you speak?

Nevereth have I heardeth of such.

Is it commonly availabeleth on this
"internet" thou speakest of???

Sirdar said...

The wife and I used to get the odd "binder movie" from the local video store. But, she didn't like them. Too religious.

Oh....The Hun

moooooog35 said...

Just realized that I used that "Porn - it's easier than dating" logo on my post today.

Enjoy it, Tequila. There's a midget getting a BJ on it.

The lengths I go to please you.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Hell I say a couple should look at porn together. That way they can try all of the different moves and whatnot as they happily search the web.

Kinda like a Twister game.Although it may be easier to have a voice activated PC because there may be a few positions that don't allow for free hands.

Samantha_K said...

I'm not good at porn, I always try to watch the ones with a plot. And the men are never, ever attractive, the women all have tramp stamp tattoos and boobs that don't bounce, due to the plasticity.
No fair.
Pour me some 'nog and point me in the right direction...

FOUR DINNERS said...

Cameron Diaz eh? Excuse me while I close the door.....

Thomas said...

Think about Colorado this week.
How many people could have the angry anti-christian mutant have killed if he was watching the best of Vivid DVD and practicing two fisted self love in his van?

ZERO
Porn saves lives.

Guns don't kill people,
LACK OF GOOD GIRL ON GIRL ACTION DOES.

I could keep going

TV

Beach Bum said...

I remember sitting up late at night watching the scrambled HBO signal hoping that it would clear up just enogh to get a quick glimise of some tits or, if I was very lucky, some pussy to go along with the sounds. Ah, the good old days.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Porn?? What's that? Do you seriously mean that people having sex is documented on the internet? Holy Crap! I never knew... Thanks for filling me in.

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